How to Get Your Kids to Listen to You More

Is there anything more frustrating than feeling like your kids don’t listen to anything you say? We’ve all been there, you ask your kids to put away their dishes from lunch, and 2 hours later, the dishes are still sitting out, and your kids are nowhere to be seen.

Ughh! It’s so frustrating! But there are ways to help make that a problem of the past and to get your kids to listen to you. 

In this podcast episode, we go over the common mistakes parents make when talking to their kids about chores and give you 4 tips on how to get your kids to listen to you…the first time. 

Resources We Shared:

How to Discipline Without Losing Your Cool- Join this free masterclass to improve your relationship with your kids and get them to help out more without the pushback, and without you losing your cool! Register for any time that works for your schedule.

No Guilt Mom YouTube Channel Watch this podcast episode on our YouTube Channel! While there, check out everything we have and subscribe to be notified every time we have new videos added for parents and kids!

Happy Parent Checklist - This FREE checklist gives you the step-by-step plan to delegate more to your family, feel less overwhelmed and connect in a positive way!

Download the episode transcripts HERE!

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Transcript

Transcripts for NGM Podcast Episode 167

Transcripts are created using AI. There may be some errors.

[00:00:00] JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to The No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn. Joined here by my co-host, Brie tucker. 

[00:00:08] Brie Tucker: Oh, hello. Hello buddy. How are you? 

[00:00:10] JoAnn Crohn: I was just commenting and looking at Brie's lovely face and how she looks. So made up for this session right now and I am, uh, I just came from K T R here in Phoenix where it's like trampoline park and I got all sweaty and I had like sweat dripping down me and I'm like, gotta gotta get on.

[00:00:28] Brie Tucker: You had a way more fun day than mine's been working and the makeup is on for the first time since Christmas Eve which was like several days ago. Cause we're recording this early. But anyway, it's only on because I had to do a video. Yeah. Otherwise, 

[00:00:42] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, I've been doing little makeup lately and it wasn't something I've done before, but I so funny.

Well, not funny story, but I used to think facials were like a extra indulgence. You know, you went, you got a facial, you just relaxed, you did whatever. And then about like a year ago, I started getting these really, really painful. , like cystic pimples on me. Like all on my jaw. 

[00:01:05] Brie Tucker: The joys of getting older. Yeah.

[00:01:06] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. I had like one right here on my eyebrow where I'm like, is this a tumor? It was so big, Brie. It was so big and I had no idea why I was getting them. I had horrible acne in my twenties and had to do the Accutane and everything like that. But our friend Shana. Was talking about how she was going to get facials from, this one woman, Vanessa.

And so I'm like, okay, I'll, I'll go get facials. And I signed up for her facial membership program and it was like very reasonable and everything once a month facials, like, we'll see how it goes year later. I hardly wear makeup. All of my breakouts are totally gone. I don't have any cystic stuff anywhere, and that is the only thing I have changed.

And I've dropped all my expensive skincare too. I used to do Rodin and fields and stuff, and that wasn't working out. Mm-hmm. and it was just the monthly facials, all my skin needed. And it's like, whew. 

[00:01:57] Brie Tucker: Well see. There you go. I need to do that because age has not been that kind. I have. So much going on.

But that's also a thing like I, I don't know. 

[00:02:07] JoAnn Crohn: It's almost, I wouldn't say it's a necessity because I mean, first of all, problems here. I mean, but I don't buy foundation. So it's a money saver. 

[00:02:16] Brie Tucker: True. That would be, 

[00:02:18] JoAnn Crohn: and it's a time saver because I don't have to put on as much makeup as I used to in the morning.

And so it's looking at it from that way, it just makes sense. And it's an luxury too because you just sit there and she massages. You're like scalp, when all the masks are working and you're just like, ha, I like, it's so great. 

[00:02:35] Brie Tucker: So . Well, you know, like if we ever go to a spa thing, I'm always like, I just wanna get a facial, not a massage.

So I love facials. That's my little, that's my my unicorn thing. 

[00:02:45] JoAnn Crohn: Yes. The unicorn thing. That the stuff we need to do to pamper ourselves as moms because we deserve it. 

[00:02:53] Brie Tucker: We put up with so much crap. We love our kids, we love our family, but there's still a lot of crap. 

[00:02:58] JoAnn Crohn: Oh my gosh. It's a lot.

It's a lot, a lot. I mean, just this morning, my kids are off on break right now, and we were going to go to KTR. A trampoline place for those of you not in the Phoenix area. And, my son has been wearing the same shirt every day for the past, three or four days. And I didn't realize this until my sister-in-law came over and she's like, I always see him in that shirt.

And I look and I always see him in that shirt too. 

[00:03:25] Brie Tucker: Okay. Holderness family just did a video on this about breaks. 

[00:03:29] JoAnn Crohn: Oh really? 

[00:03:30] Brie Tucker: And they're like, have you been wearing that? Like you've been wearing that shirt for like four days? Like literally, I'm gonna have to send it to you after this. 

[00:03:36] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, I will. But I was looking at him and I'm like, Hey, Bud, and he was dressed in the shirt again this morning.

 Hey, like you've been wearing that for the past few days. And his response, I don't have any other shirts. 

[00:03:49] Brie Tucker: Why? 

[00:03:50] JoAnn Crohn: No, you do. You do have a lot of shirts. I, I know the shirts you have, what's going on. And what's happening is that he does his own laundry. He brings his laundry to the washer, he goes it to the dryer, he takes it back to his room, but then once it's in his room, it sits in a basket.

[00:04:07] Brie Tucker: Yeah. 

[00:04:07] JoAnn Crohn: And it gets the point where then he can't distinguish between dirty clothes and clean clothes. So he just keeps taking the same clothes that he knows, doesn't have any noticeable stuff on it and . So , I laid down the law this morning and I'm like, dude, I'm gonna help you clean this morning. Just tell me the time.

And oh my gosh. It was like, no, I don't wanna clean. It's working fine. Cleaning stresses me out, . And it was one of those instances where I feel my parents dealt with, with me as a kid, and I think a lot of people do when you ask your kids to do something like clean up your room or brush your teeth, you get put like so much resistance and so much drama and so many tantrums, that a lot of parents throw up their hands and they're like, my kids don't listen to me.

How do I get my kids to listen to me with those kinda situations? 

[00:04:57] Brie Tucker: And yeah, and every single one of us have this like no matter, no matter how patient you are, we all have these kinds of struggles, but there really are some amazing things that you can do to help. 

[00:05:11] JoAnn Crohn: There are. Yes, there are. 

 And we have so much for you, so on with the show. 

[00:05:19] Brie Tucker: All right. So all of us have kids that don't listen. I, I have, I have teenagers and young adults that don't listen.

It's so much fun. . 

[00:05:28] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And it's like they're, they're still kids, even though they look like adults, but they're still kids. I 

[00:05:34] Brie Tucker: know, I know. We talk about that in an episode with Lisa Lewis about how they, deceivingly looking like they are adults, but they're not quite, they're not quite, and, and when they don't listen, I don't know about anybody else, but I can feel my blood pressure rising.

 I swear to God, if I was a cartoon, you would see like smoke coming outta my ears, my face turning all red. I get so frustrated, so irritable. That it's just, it's ridiculous. I don't like being that way and nobody else wants me that way, so 

[00:06:04] JoAnn Crohn: No, definitely, definitely. It's hard though because you feel like, you see these examples of parents on TV and these kids listen to them and like take their advice and you think that's how it should be, and it's never like, That like, yeah.

I often think some of the tactics that and strategy that we know how to use, I don't know if it'd be very entertaining on television, honestly. I don't know if it would work there. There's a lot of like intermental stuff that's going on.

[00:06:31] Brie Tucker: I, I 100% agree and what you're saying, I always call it the DJ Tanner Effect.

[00:06:37] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. , 

[00:06:37] Brie Tucker: like we, we all. Our generation grew up with like all of our lovely like eighties, nineties sitcoms that always had these perfect families that, you know, had little goofy mix up things that happened. And then they've worked it out in 30 minutes because the parent came in and had a heart to heart and in three minutes managed to address everything and everybody was perfectly fine.

[00:06:57] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. 

[00:06:58] Brie Tucker: And that is not how it happens. It is- 

[00:07:01] JoAnn Crohn: no, 

[00:07:01] Brie Tucker: but there are things that can help, but that's, but it's not a, it's not a two minute fix. 

[00:07:06] JoAnn Crohn: It's not. And know that if, like you are struggling with this right now, this is such a common issue.

It comes up a lot in our Balance VIP membership program where people come and they're like, my kids won't brush their teeth when they're asked, how do I make my kids go to bed when they're asked, how do I make my kids do their homework when I ask 'em to do their homework? 

[00:07:24] Brie Tucker: They won't help out at all at home.

They always are like fighting with their brother or sister. Yeah. 

[00:07:28] JoAnn Crohn: Yes. Yeah, so this is a common problem. We are gonna give you a good strategy that you can use and you can go to. So what is the first thing, Brie? 

Well, 

[00:07:37] Brie Tucker: the first thing you have to do, and this comes back to Brie's little cartoon face with the whole red face and the steam coming out .First, you have to take care of you. 

[00:07:45] JoAnn Crohn: Yes, 

[00:07:46] Brie Tucker: you need to calm down first because there is no way that anybody's gonna listen to you when you're screaming at the top of your lungs. Or you're doing the whole, like, my mom used to do this thing where, and we make fun of her still for the, where her lips would disappear.

Fine. And we're all like, oh crap. The lips disappeared. So then like you were like stepping back slowly. 

[00:08:05] JoAnn Crohn: The lips disappear. 

[00:08:06] Brie Tucker: Yeah. 

[00:08:07] JoAnn Crohn: Like warning lips, warning. See no lips over there on the horizon. , 

[00:08:13] Brie Tucker: she's about to lose it. People back it up. Back it up. 

[00:08:17] JoAnn Crohn: Calming yourself first is such like an important thing too, because you can't think logically when you're very, very agitated.

[00:08:24] Brie Tucker: Right. 

[00:08:25] JoAnn Crohn: And this morning when my son's like, no, it doesn't work for me. Organizing . I was like, what now? What now? And I had to take a few deep breaths. I think my thing was, okay. Well I am ready when you are. So come and get me when you're ready and we'll do this before we go putting in that before we go, we're gonna do this.

[00:08:47] Brie Tucker: Yeah. Yeah. It's gonna happen one way or another. You get to choose. Ish, right? . Yeah. Ish. There's things there, but like, yeah, so we have to self-regulate ourselves because otherwise the emotions will take over and we will stay and do things that we don't, we would never have said or done when we were totally calm and relaxed and thinking 100% logically about a situation.

[00:09:11] JoAnn Crohn: And then regretting them too. That's the thing, I hate. My thing lately has been with anger, I don't wanna do anything that I'm gonna have to apologize for later that I'm gonna regret. You know, I'm okay with apologies, but if I could see it coming, if I know that what I'm angry, I tend to say stuff that I have to apologize for.

I just, Cut it off right there and, try to remove myself from the situation before I say anything. 

[00:09:36] Brie Tucker: Right. Because there's something to be said about the fact that when we make a mistake or when we, we do something that we're not so proud of, we can apologize. We can make amends and we can build on that for sure.

Right? 

[00:09:47] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. 

[00:09:47] Brie Tucker: But nobody wants to be having to apologize for the behavior over and over and over again. 

[00:09:52] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. , 

[00:09:53] Brie Tucker: it kind of like, it feels almost the same as just nagging your kids over and over and over again. I would think that I would get tired of having somebody constantly apologizing to me, for yelling at me all the time.

I'd be like, dude, 

[00:10:06] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. And- 

[00:10:06] Brie Tucker: come up with a different thing . 

[00:10:08] JoAnn Crohn: And another interesting thing is, especially if you're on the No Guilt Mom, emails from us, you know, I've been pretty open about my struggles with anxiety and that I recently started anxiety medication. And, and look at it as another tool to use.

But what I have noticed very lately is that I am not as irritable as I used to be. The little things my kids do, like before him coming back at me and being like, no, organizing doesn't work for me. I would immediately tense up in my body and wanna say something snarky and have to hold it back and it would just be a struggle for me.

And this I was able to take so much more in stride. 

[00:10:50] Brie Tucker: Yeah.

[00:10:51] JoAnn Crohn: Which, Is interesting because I've been very medication resistant for a very long time, , and now opening myself up to how it could help me and how it can make things a little bit easier, even though you still have to do all this other work. And it's not like a complete cure-all.

[00:11:07] Brie Tucker: Yeah. 

[00:11:07] JoAnn Crohn: But it's also something to bring up that you know you gotta take care of you. And when you're calming yourself down, if you feel you're irritable all the time, it's something to look into, just your doctors. And I say that from the heart because I was very resistant. 

[00:11:21] Brie Tucker: I hear you. I hear you. Yeah. So, so first you calm yourself.

 What's our next tip? 

[00:11:27] JoAnn Crohn: Uh, we use some reflective listening with them. So for example, this morning after he was calm, he came and got me probably five to 10 minutes later, and he's like, okay, I'm ready. I'm ready to do this. And at that time I'm like, All I wanna do bud, is I just wanna make it easier for you to find your clothes.

And he says, well, I get really stressed and it stresses me out. And so then the reflective listening comes in, I hear you. It stresses you out. Let's see how we can make it not stressful, and let's work together. So, Repeating back exactly what their concerns are, let's them know that you get it. You're listening.

You're not trying to convince them really of anything. I'm not telling him, oh, it's not that stressful. It'll be easy. Like, that's not what I'm doing. Yeah. I'm saying it stresses you out. Okay. Let's work with that. 

[00:12:21] Brie Tucker: Well, I mean, and that also really, really helps too, because how many times have we told them something like, I'm gonna use an example of, um, oh goodness, I just had a really good one with my daughter the other day.

But it was something to the effect of you don't want to, uh, Oh, I know it was, she wanted to go to Dutch Bros. She wanted to go to Dutch Bros. And she hadn't done her chores yet. and I, and she's texting me because we live in a like three story condo and she don't wanna walk down the two stories to come to me.

So we're texting back and forth. And she's like, but I wanna go to Dutch Bros now. And I'm like, great. And when you get your chores done, we'll go to Dutch Bros. 

[00:12:58] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm.

[00:12:59] Brie Tucker: And she just kept getting more and more upset. And so finally I texted her back and I thought I was being very reflective. Cause I'm like, I know what the issue is. The issue is you wanna go to Dutch Bros and I'm not willing to take you until you get your chores done. 

[00:13:11] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. . 

[00:13:12] Brie Tucker: Nope. That wasn't it at all. JoAnn. Cuz what? I re repeated it back to her. I'm like, so what I'm hearing is that you're upset because you wanna go to Dutch Bros. And I have said no. And she's like, That's not why I'm upset.

And I'm like, okay, why are you upset? She's like, I'm upset because I'm really tired. I've been up all day doing the X, Y, and Z and in order to get my chores done, I need some more energy. And I would very much like to go to Dutch Bros. And I'm but I don't wanna pay for it. She's like, I never asked you to pay for it. I have my own money. 

Okay. Okay. I'll admit, not every parent would've done what I did where I was like, okay, fine, we can go to Dutch Bros.. You can get your energy drink and we'll move on with this. But I was so certain I knew what the issue was. I was so certain. Cause I'm sitting there, I'm reading the text, how could I get it wrong?

It's right there in black and white, but that's where that reflective listening can really, really help. 

[00:14:03] JoAnn Crohn: Definitely. 

[00:14:03] Brie Tucker: You help me a lot too, because I can get really upset and worked up and JoAnn - you'll, message me and be like, okay, so what I'm hearing you say is it's X, Y, and Z and I will admit that when I know that I'm not articulating it well because I'm upset.

There is this huge wave of calmness that comes over me. When someone understands you 

[00:14:24] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. 

[00:14:24] Brie Tucker: And says it back, it just, it immediately helps you be like, oh my God, you get it. 

[00:14:29] JoAnn Crohn: Because, well first what you did with what you did with your daughter was phenomenal because it was just bringing more information into the equation.

Like when we as parents, we think we know all the answers, and then when we repeat it, we're like, oh, that's not it at all. Oh, that totally makes sense. I would go get a Starbucks caramel macchiato to make me do my chores as well. 

[00:14:48] Brie Tucker: Like, you know, it's like, ugh, i, she totally knows that I would be doing that too.

[00:14:54] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. But it's like, it's such a great thing. Not like we have to hold this really hard line that is put there for no reason whatsoever. What we want is that give and take relationship with our kids where they're like telling us how they feel, what they need and we're helping them navigate it. So that's phenomenal.

 When you say I articulate it back to you. It's such a cool thing because a lot of times I think we feel very helpless when somebody's in emotional distress and reflective listening gives that tool where you're not fixing the problem because you don't know exactly what the problem is, so you can't fix it.

But just saying, 

[00:15:33] Brie Tucker: nor should we always fix it, right, nor should we always 

[00:15:36] JoAnn Crohn: fix. We always be fixing. Exactly, but you are saying back what the problem is so that everyone can understand it. And a lot of time in communication, bad communication doesn't come from like bad intentions. Usually it comes because both people don't underst, like aren't talking about the same issue.

[00:15:54] Brie Tucker: Right. Yeah, right. That is a huge thing there. So you said something on there too about being reasonable, which wasn't exactly our next step, but -

our next step is be reasonable. But yeah, it was a little bit different, like about how sometimes, and I do this a lot, I don't know anybody else in podcast land.

Please give me a nod or a hallelujah or whatever if this matches you. But have you ever. Told like you're talking to your kids, there's something that needs to be done. We'll say chores cuz that's a big problem. All of us, like su uh, suffer with, I think or struggle with. You want 'em to get their chores done and you've been asking and asking and asking, today is the day the chores are supposed to be done.

They're not doing it. So you're like, no, it has to happen right now. Get up right now. Stop what you're doing right now and let's do the chores right now. 

[00:16:40] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:42] Brie Tucker: Sometimes it's not always the most reasonable. How would you feel if someone came in, if your boss came in and was like, okay, I know you had to get that report done and that you said you get it done to me by the end day, but I'm tired of asking for it and I want it this second.

[00:16:53] JoAnn Crohn: TPS report. Yeah, A T PS report. . 

[00:16:57] Brie Tucker: Yeah, it's, it's true. TPS report. With the new cover sheet, . 

[00:17:01] JoAnn Crohn: It's true. And I understand the frustration that comes with nagging and nagging and nagging and feeling like they're just ignoring you or putting you off, or really, sometimes it digs really deep into an issue of respect.

And that's what we as parents tell ourselves. Oh my gosh, they are not respecting us. And then that makes us get even madder and we go in and demand. But yeah, if we could step back and be reasonable, be willing to compromise like like you did the Dutch bros. Drinks did and like 

[00:17:31] Brie Tucker: you did today, right? With the, with the shirts.

[00:17:33] JoAnn Crohn: I helped him clean. I did not expect him to do it himself. It was a big job. But you also, it's a big job. 

[00:17:40] Brie Tucker: Well, I'm sure, but you also, I heard you say something else too that I thought was really interesting cuz you were talking about how he's like, no, I don't want to.

And you're like, okay. Doesn't have to happen now. Just gotta happen for. 

[00:17:51] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. 

[00:17:52] Brie Tucker: Right? And if you were really upset and really emotional, chances are what would've come out instead would've been something like, I don't care. You don't wanna do it. It's happening now Cuz I'm here now. . 

[00:18:02] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. My, my whole line of thinking is always if I get in a fight with my kids, I've already lost.

Like they've already won. There is no mental maneuvering kids because they're not logical. They're not, 

[00:18:17] Brie Tucker: well, they're still working on it. They're still working on that brain development there and their executive functioning and they don't have the ability to do, to get that whole A equals B thing as quickly as we can.

Yeah, they don't. 

[00:18:30] JoAnn Crohn: They really got. Yeah, they don't. And you know, I would argue though that if adults got to that state that he was able to get to so quickly, and that kids usually go from like that zero to a hundred so fast, um, that adults wouldn't be logical in that situation either. You would have to step back and be like, okay, we're gonna talk about this later.

Let me know when you're ready. 

[00:18:49] Brie Tucker: Yeah, no, 100%. And I think that's the thing that we sometimes forget. We forget that our kids, Are going to need the same amount of grace as we would need, or just like we have already said a couple times during this episode, just thinking about how we would react if somebody was treating us the way that we are treating them.

Yeah, and again, we're not saying that your kids are, that you necessarily have to treat your kids as, as equal peers, but just think about the way you're communicating what you're asking for and how you would feel if somebody was approaching you in that manner. and a lot of times you'll find that their response is just like yours would be cuz they're mini yous.

Like I always tell my daughter -

[00:19:31] JoAnn Crohn: for our detriment, .

[00:19:32] Brie Tucker: Yeah, I know. Like I've always telling my daughter, there's only room for one of us and I came first. , she gets tired of that one. So yeah. So like being reasonable, not demanding. A big thing that we, we do a lot too in our Calm & happy parenting course is we teach parents about when, then.

[00:19:47] JoAnn Crohn: I mean like I used it this morning like, when you're ready, come to me , and then we'll go to K T R . Yeah, because one of the cool things that hit me really hard. In the past few days is about, I saw this thing about setting boundaries and how setting boundaries isn't about making someone else do what you want them to do.

Setting boundaries is really saying what you will or won't do when somebody acts a certain way. 

[00:20:15] Brie Tucker: Yes, 100%. 

[00:20:18] JoAnn Crohn: I was like, that's it. Yes. Because we can never force anyone. We can never force our kids to do exactly what we want them to do, but we can say that we won't do certain things or we will do certain things.

I helped him clean the room because it's a lonely process cleaning and he does so much better and I'm able to teach him. I, I was able to teach him how to fold towels today because I was in there with him and it just came up really naturally and organically cuz there was a towel there. 

[00:20:46] Brie Tucker: Well sometimes too, it's just, it feels better when you're, like you just said about being lonely.

It feels better when you're just not alone. Mm-hmm. Somebody else is there and we can't always offer that time. I mean, we're, as parents, we always have a lot of things on our plate and sometimes we can't stop and offer that time. But when we can, a lot of times it does mean a lot to our kids, even if it's just us like sitting there and chatting with them or whatever.

[00:21:12] JoAnn Crohn: And we usually get better results out of them too. Like we get, we get what we want. Because I mean, if you think about this, this whole episode is getting kids to listen to you and the end results. We get it. Like we get what needs to be, what needs to happen, or we get more information and what we think needs to happen becomes less important and our priorities shift a little bit.

[00:21:36] Brie Tucker: Yeah. 

[00:21:36] JoAnn Crohn: So you don't have to draw that hard line in the sand to get your kids to quote unquote listen to you when you approach it the way of just trying to get the information. And we really teach you how to do this in Calm & Happy parenting too. Getting all that information out, your decision making as a parent is better and their problem solving skills improve too. 

[00:21:56] Brie Tucker: Yeah. So, yeah. 

[00:21:58] JoAnn Crohn: Well, actually you need Go ahead, . Oh, I was just gonna say, it's a cool, it's a cool thing, and when you parent this way, you have a lot less stress because you don't feel like you need to know all the answers. 

[00:22:11] Brie Tucker: So I like how you're talking because that leads us into our last tip about, about what we can do.

We can be clear and be direct. 

[00:22:18] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. 

[00:22:19] Brie Tucker: And so the way you were talking about it was like, you know, you can be positive, you can phrase things in a positive way. It doesn't always have to be why do you never do this? Why does nothing ever get done? Why is your room such a mess? Why are you always wearing the same shirt all the time? Why can't you get this done? 

[00:22:35] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. 

[00:22:35] Brie Tucker: right? There's a way to, to do things in a more positive manner. 

[00:22:39] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. I like, we talked with the shirt thing. I was like, I noticed you've been wearing that shirt a lot. What's up ? 

[00:22:45] Brie Tucker: And then that's when he was like, well, 

[00:22:47] JoAnn Crohn: I don't have any other shirts.

I don't have any other shirts. 

[00:22:49] Brie Tucker: Okay. And then what'd you say after that? Because I'm very curious. Mine would've been like, uh, bull crap, . 

[00:22:54] JoAnn Crohn: I probably thought bull crap. And I'm like, you're better at 

[00:22:57] Brie Tucker: what you said. 

[00:22:58] JoAnn Crohn: You could always tell, if you're ever around me and you see me talking to someone and I'm like, oh.

It's usually like I am thinking like curse words in my head right now and a little, little break 

or, or, or if someone's telling me something that I don't exactly agree with, but I need to find a way to rephrase it. I'm like, okay. 

[00:23:20] Brie Tucker: So you can feel free. That one I know, but the, oh, that's my goal now is to get you to say, oh, at least once a week now.

[00:23:29] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. Oh, the, okay. That's when I'm trying to rephrase something in a positive way. . 

[00:23:35] Brie Tucker: So, but hey, those little things though, they buy you time. They keep you from saying the things that you don't wanna say. So another thing too, have you ever done this where you are super frustrated?

Let's just take cleaning the room. Cuz I could totally think about that happening in my case too, where I like walk into my kids' room and it's a mess. And we have a, I have a, I'm pretty lax about bedrooms. If you've listened to the podcast before, you've heard me talk about my, what I feel like is my magic sauce, which is I shut the doors.

Yeah. I shut the bedroom doors. I'll wanna see your mess. are, my main rule in our household is like there's no food or drink in your room. No trash on the floor and there is always a clear path from your bed to the doorway for emergencies. Other than that, I don't overly care a whole lot, cuz I'm like, yeah, eh, it's the same.

[00:24:22] JoAnn Crohn: Well, I'm the same way. And the only way, the reason I went in is cuz now it was affecting his outside life. I wearing the same shirt every day. 

[00:24:29] Brie Tucker: And that outside life was affecting you cuz you were like, oh geez, people are gonna think that he's dirty . 

[00:24:34] JoAnn Crohn: Oh yeah. 

[00:24:35] Brie Tucker: And you're like, no, he has stuff. But I mean, like, so I have walked into their rooms before when they have really pushed the limits of that rule, right?

[00:24:43] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. . 

[00:24:43] Brie Tucker: And it Literally it looks like someone took a snowplow and like went through the room and just shoved all the clothes cuz my kids don't have toys, but they have clothes all over, off to the sides and there's like a good foot, foot wall of clothing that's just like, just moved way far enough so that you could walk through.

And if I, would walk in and , it when I'm really upset, frustrated either at them or something else, I could easily walk in and be like, all right, I want all your clothes off the floor. I want your bed made up. I want you to dust your desk and I want you to get all this stuff a half in your closet and half out of the closet.

And one of the two worlds, they gotta pick a place and they gotta go to one of them. Mm-hmm. . And I would get them like six different things to do. And that would be humongously overwhelming. It would make them mad because they can't process six things suddenly while it's being yelled at them. And it makes me mad that they can't instantaneously do six things, which yeah, nobody can.

[00:25:36] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, no one can. But I mean, it's just acting on that reaction because as parents, like we're allowed to get frustrated and yeah, the things the kids do are really annoying. , they're really annoying. If you scroll through Instagram and you're like, oh, you have a perfect little. Being, we're not saying that like, yes, kids are wonderful.

[00:25:54] Brie Tucker: Yeah, in many ways, but I love my kids. I don't always like them . 

[00:25:58] JoAnn Crohn: You also have to admit that the things they do are really annoying and frustrating and that's okay . It's totally okay. And how. How we choose to deal with it is the only thing that is in our control. That's it. We can't make them do anything.

We can't make them listen to us, but we can gently persuade them by going about it this way with these four steps that we talked about today. 

[00:26:23] Brie Tucker: So let's go ahead and go back over the four things.

[00:26:25] JoAnn Crohn: So first, need to calm yourself, make sure you're calmed down before you take any action. 

[00:26:28] Brie Tucker: Yeah, no, no. Cartoon like red face and steam everywhere. Like Brie does . And then the second thing is you're going to say it back to them. You're going to use some reflective listening about what they're telling you the issue is.

[00:26:40] JoAnn Crohn: Yep. And it's also great feedback too. If you got it wrong, they will let you know. . And then third, be reasonable. Be willing to compromise, be willing to give them some time to do the task. Just working with them and collaborating. 

[00:26:56] Brie Tucker: Yeah, and the last thing is be clear and be direct. Because when you give them 15 things to do it once, they're not gonna be able to do it.

But you also need to be clear about what you're asking for, giving that long list of don't do this, don't do that, don't do this. It's not very helpful. . No. What? What's that one thing you do want me to do? . 

[00:27:18] JoAnn Crohn: It's like I can't keep that in my mind. I'm not gonna do anything. I know. 

[00:27:21] Brie Tucker: Overwhelm pillows. I just, that would, that would totally be me.

Remember I've told you that? Welcome to being overwhelmed. There's blankets and pillows. . 

[00:27:28] JoAnn Crohn: There's blankets and pillows. Exactly. Well, let us know how this works for you, and if you're not on the No Guilt Mom, you don't get the emails already. 

[00:27:39] Brie Tucker: What are you doing? 

[00:27:40] JoAnn Crohn: Go get Our happy Parent checklist. 

[00:27:41] Brie Tucker: Yeah. 

[00:27:42] JoAnn Crohn: Then you'll get emails from us all the time and you get all these great stories and encouragement and we have so many challenges coming up and events coming up, and you'll be the first to know on the email.

[00:27:53] Brie Tucker: There's a link in the show notes for that guys. 

[00:27:55] JoAnn Crohn: Exactly. So until next time, remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you and we'll see you later. 

[00:28:04] Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.