We all have those moments in parenting where it seems like your child is just trying to push your buttons. It feels like it’s you against them. But what if we told you that’s not it at all, and that by changing the way you react in those pivotal moments, you could have a much calmer experience with those button-pushing, big-emotion moments?
In this podcast we are chatting with Mr. Chazz, the Founder of Mr. Chazz's Leadership, Parenting and Teaching Podcast, parent coach, speaker, teacher, and content creator. He helps adults understand and guide children, Breaking Generational Cycles, all while using Conscious Discipline techniques.
Mr. Chazz shares with us why we can get more effective results with our kids when we change our reaction to their behavior, rather than trying to change their behavior, and 3 practical tips to help children solve problems and move through challenges.
Resources We Shared:
2023 Happy Mom Summit – a FREE virtual event bringing you expert-led sessions, and a thriving community of like-minded moms ready to kick the guilt and reclaim your joy, all while raising respectful and responsible kids. The summit will be held LIVE February 27th-March 6th, 2023.
How to Discipline Without Losing Your Cool – Join this complimentary masterclass to improve your relationship with your kids and get them to help out more without the pushback, and without you losing your cool! Register for any time that works for your schedule.
No Guilt Mom YouTube Channel – Watch our podcast episodes on our YouTube Channel! While there, check out everything we have and subscribe to be notified every time we add new videos for parents and kids!
MOMignited Summit- This is a free online event to help you find what fires you up, eliminate what drains you, and finally stop feeling like you're just getting by, so you can show up as the mom you want to be. Happening LIVE Oct. 9th-Oct.13th! Get your free ticket now at www.momignited.com
We all have those moments in parenting where it seems like your child is just trying to push your buttons. It feels like it’s you against them. But what if we told you that’s not it at all, and that by changing the way you react in those pivotal moments, you could have a much calmer experience with those button-pushing, big-emotion moments?
In this podcast we are chatting with Mr. Chazz, the Founder of Mr. Chazz's Leadership, Parenting and Teaching Podcast, parent coach, speaker, teacher, and content creator. He helps adults understand and guide children, Breaking Generational Cycles, all while using Conscious Discipline techniques.
Mr. Chazz shares with us why we can get more effective results with our kids when we change our reaction to their behavior, rather than trying to change their behavior, and 3 practical tips to help children solve problems and move through challenges.
Resources We Shared:
2023 Happy Mom Summit – a FREE virtual event bringing you expert-led sessions, and a thriving community of like-minded moms ready to kick the guilt and reclaim your joy, all while raising respectful and responsible kids. The summit will be held LIVE February 27th-March 6th, 2023.
How to Discipline Without Losing Your Cool – Join this complimentary masterclass to improve your relationship with your kids and get them to help out more without the pushback, and without you losing your cool! Register for any time that works for your schedule.
No Guilt Mom YouTube Channel – Watch our podcast episodes on our YouTube Channel! While there, check out everything we have and subscribe to be notified every time we add new videos for parents and kids!
MOMignited Summit- This is a free online event to help you find what fires you up, eliminate what drains you, and finally stop feeling like you're just getting by, so you can show up as the mom you want to be. Happening LIVE Oct. 9th-Oct.13th! Get your free ticket now at www.momignited.com
Transcripts for No Guilt Mom Podcast Ep. 169
Transcripts were created using AI.
[00:00:00] JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to The No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn. Joined here by my co-host, Brie Tucker.
[00:00:09] Brie Tucker: Hello. Hello. Better. How are you? I add a little visual effect for people watching on YouTube. Woo.
[00:00:13] JoAnn Crohn: If you're watching us on YouTube, yeah. You could see Bree's like fancy, like jazz hands. All the, that's like, so like my only dance move jazz hands and everything that I watch, uh, Cody Rigs video on Peloton when I'm like, on, on the bike.
He does some dance moves and they're like, they're like, again, you gotta go listen to us on, you gotta go see us on YouTube for my fantastic dance.
[00:00:37] Brie Tucker: You already have more dances than me. Mine are all like just imitating. John Travolta Saturday Night Fever, .
[00:00:42] JoAnn Crohn: Today we have a fantastic interview that like I was so excited.
When he said yes, because I've been following him on Instagram for such a long time and I love his videos and how insightful they are and how entertaining they are. It is Mr. Chazz. We have Mr. Chazz, Brie.
[00:01:02] Brie Tucker: It was pretty amazing. I remember when you first came to me with, I wanna have Mr. Chazz, and I'm like, okay.
I hadn't looked him up yet. I hadn't come across him yet on, on social media, but as soon as I did, I'm like, yeah, I can see why he 100% is like, he's our. He's like right on to everything that we've been talking about. And of course I love him cuz he's an early childhood. He talks a lot about the, yeah, a lot about that.
And that, that's my jam. So,
[00:01:24] JoAnn Crohn: and he's one of the few men in the field for respectful parenting and conscious parenting and, and just all of this mind shift from needing to punish our kids to really establishing this great relationship with our kids and regulating our own. And if you have not checked out Mr. Chazz's Instagram, you need to do so. He is the founder of Mr. Chazz's Leadership, parenting and Teaching podcast. He's a parent coach, he's a speaker, he's a teacher in the classroom, and he's a content creator. He's a very busy man. Yes, he helps adults. He's so busy. He helps adults understand and guide children breaking generational cycles, all while using conscious discipline techniques.
And we hope you enjoy our interview with Mr. Chazz. You want mom life to be easier. That's our goal too. Our mission is to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids, and we are going to have fun doing it. We're gonna help you delegate and step back. Each episode will tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process.
Welcome to the No Guilt Mom Podcast.
So what should we call you? Should we call you Mr. Chazz or Chazz?
[00:02:44] Mr. Chazz: Mr. Chazz? Cuz that's where I am. Everywhere on social media. So Mr. Chazz? Yeah.
[00:02:49] JoAnn Crohn: So what capacity do you do in the school?
[00:02:51] Mr. Chazz: Here's a super condensed version of just kind of, kind of got here, started as a Montessori teacher, then became an educational specialist where my job was to support teachers in different schools.
Um, then the pandemic happened. I started to share the lessons that I had learned on my journey online. I was doing that for a while and Ed with a lot of people, but iche to go back in the classroom just so I can continue practicing what I preach. And I actually work in an early childhood center.
[00:03:20] Brie Tucker: Oh man, my, my background's early childhood, so that's my sweet spot too.
I did a lot of early childhood and preschool.
[00:03:26] JoAnn Crohn: I was a fifth grade teacher for, for many, many years before I started. No guilt mom. And like, I always give props to all of the early childhood, uh, people. and like early childhood was always like, I don't know how you deal with the big kids. And I think it's like such a, like such not different skillsets.
[00:03:44] Brie Tucker: They're kind of the same, but it's just. . I look at early childhood where you guys have more emotions that you need to instruct on. Not saying that the fifth graders don't right. But it's more of the, the focus, I think in early childhood versus what the school districts push in the fifth grade. Yeah. And what I love through this work, Is that emotions are just so important for everybody.
Like they're so important for everybody. And the more understanding we have, the better. Which is why I was so drawn to you and to your work, and I first saw you on Instagram, particularly the video that you had explaining a preschooler's reaction. to, um, I can't remember the issue, but it was you having a tantrum and saying like, what was on the inner dial?
Like, what would the inner monologue of the preschooler was? Mm-hmm. and just explaining that so well, and the first thing I'm really curious about is why, why did you initially start your Instagram? Like what led you
[00:04:44] Mr. Chazz: to that? Hmm. Well, I started off. A Montessori teacher. Mm-hmm. . And when I first started, I had, I really just kinda got thrown in the classroom.
I watched like a three hour play video. They gave me some hr, a binder to look through and read, and I pretty much went in the classroom and they were just like, it's kind of like a sink or swim kind of thing. Uh, I was like, you got it right? And I'm like, ah, I don't think I got it. But I'm here , I'm the body in the classroom for ratio purposes.
Um, and I really very quickly. Saw how important the job was of raising the next generation of humans. But I realized also very quickly, I had no idea how to really do that in a healthy, helpful way. I would go into, you know, conflicts that, you know, children were having amongst each other, and maybe they were starting to yell at each other by the time it was done.
That fight, they're fighting each other. I'm like, I don't know if I'm helping. I don't know how to help. So I struggled a. when I first started and I kind of went into how I was raised and how really a lot of people were that were around me were raised in kind of the punishment, threat, fear, shame-based approaches.
Um, and I remember reflecting on just how that wasn't the teacher that I wanted to be or the person that I wanted to be because. I was an ADHD kid, uh, growing up still, still am one. Um, and so all those kind of tactics were used on me a lot, and I remember how un effective they were and how they left me feeling and, and, um, I decided that's not who I wanted to be, which was.
Really the first step, and I, I, I feel like I talked to a lot of people and this like, that's the first step and like everyone's like, Hey, like I don't want to do this. When that happens, you celebrate. Yeah. Like, all right, we're starting to get to a place of awareness and not just unconsciously passing on what was done to us then.
comes another hard part of, all right, so what do I do instead? And that's a journey of figuring out what to do instead. And I went down rabbit holes of, of learning, of reading and listening podcasts and, um, had really gone on a journey of improvement, um, and growth. And over time other people start to recognize what I was doing and how I was able to work with the kids.
Were not successful in other classrooms. Mm-hmm. , but they were successful in mine and that's when I really started to focus on wanting to help other people. And share kind of the lessons that I had learned because teachers were coming up to me just kind of casually in the break room and asking me questions like, okay, I'm having a problem with this kid and this is happening, and how would you deal with it?
I started to kind of casually offer advice in the break room. Um, they started to come back and say like, wow, this has like been so impactful for me. and this child had changed both of our days. And that's when I started to kind of get the idea, okay, well how do I spread this further? Um, and that really turned into me becoming an educational specialist.
And really my job was to support teachers and go to different schools. Um, but then wanting to do it in on social media and when the pandemic happened, that was the real big push for me to like, okay, let me. Like really start focusing on putting this, like, creating content that is relatively short and I'm really trying to focus one minute or less.
Um, but at the end of it, mm-hmm. , you feel like you've gotten a nugget of information, your perspective has shifted, expand it, or you have a, an extra tool to use and you can apply right then. And especially really wanting to help parents because obviously the beginning of the pandemic was a new challenge for all of the parents.
Um, yeah, and I was really doing a lot of listening to, you know, parents being the 24 7 everything for children and really making a lot of the same mistakes that I made in that time where I was kind of thrown in the classroom and sink or swim, which I'm Sure. That's how a lot of parents felt, um, the pandemic.
[00:08:52] JoAnn Crohn: It is. Uh, totally. And like so many things you've said, like I could see. Like that was my journey as a teacher as well. You're, you're put in, you have your hour long classroom management class that you were given in your teacher education program, and they're like, here you go. And you don't wanna come in being that person who is yelling at their class or demeaning their kids and.
It's so interesting. I love hearing your journey that other teachers were coming up to you. Um, because I don't think I got enough time in the classroom kind of figuring out the, a different way to approach kids, the more emotionally based way to approach kids. Although I think I discovered through that, that I was like, I was going toward that direction.
Yeah. But so many people, , it's the kids. And I think that is the hardest thing to get across to people is that somehow, like you are trying to change the kids' behavior and instead of trying to change your own reaction to the kids' behavior, and it's in your own reaction that that's where the magic happens.
I love that you give parents that as little nuggets. What have you seen in terms of really trying to get adults to realize that, that it's not the kids, that it's really the adult's interaction. So
[00:10:13] Mr. Chazz: we have these mental models that we have kind of all, most of us have kind of grow growing up with. Um, yeah.
And of course in different cultures the different like variations. But I even have to remind myself as a person who preaches the stuff all the time of. The different ways that we can see things and because the way that we were raised is conditioned within us, it's in our body. So it's not even just of like, I'm gonna tell you a perspective shift, but it really takes the practice.
It's not just knowing it. You know, there's a phrase that when you know better, you do better. I think that's only part of the story knowing better is the be beginning part of learning how the practice of doing, and I say it's the practice of doing better because it is an ongoing. So here's the paradigm shift.
We have a tendency to think that if I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you two here. The child is not listening to us. Um, and what we're doing is not effective. Then what is needed is more force, more control. Yeah. Harsher methods or what, what is needed, um, to get the child to, uh, listen to impact the child's behavior instead of thinking that way and using that kind of, uh, mental model.
Instead, we wanna replace that with. . If we're not able to be effective in collaborating and eliciting cooperation with the child, then maybe more information is needed. Maybe there's something that we're not seeing in this situation. Maybe they need connection, or maybe it is a thing that they're, it's a moment that they're having because they're hungry.
Or maybe it's a skill that is missing that they don't know yet. , you know, more information is needed and it really takes us stepping into curiosity. The other paradigm shift that I want to kind of throw out there is that, We believe that to get children to listen to us, um, to get that cooperation and collaboration that we have to control them and controlling them and controlling their behavior is our goal and what we need to do as a parent, as a teacher, to control this child's behavior.
And you know, what happens if. Act like a child and we aren't able to control their behavior. This other human person, this other soul free will, this other, yeah. Right. You know, they, yes, really do, have free will. Um, as we all do. If we're not able to control them, then that means that there's something wrong with us.
That we're a failure as a teacher, as a parent. Now the paradigm shift we wanna replace that is that instead of believing that we can control this other person, instead, believing, controlling ourselves is possible. And when we do that, mm-hmm. , when we're able to self-discipline ourselves, when we're able to control ourselves, then our influence over other, uh, with other people is tremendous.
Um, and then we can have great influence. with other people if we are able to control ourselves. It's hard. Yeah. And these are just paradigm shifts because you hear that as like, okay, that sounds good. Now, like I'm in this situation and I'm starting to, I'm in survival mode and I'm starting to feel the judgment of other people and I'm gonna go right into my default.
And so it's not just under knowing that, okay, I need to control myself in this situation so I can have greater influence. Uh, with this child, and this is also true with just people in general, we, you know, you were talking about how you were a, a leader and I. . My, my podcast is called Mr. Chazz's Leadership, parenting and Teaching Podcast because all the things I talk about.
Mm-hmm. are powerful. Mm-hmm. lessons in all these different areas of parenting, of teaching and in leadership. As I was
[00:14:15] JoAnn Crohn: listening to your podcast, you said something so impactful where it was that sometimes, like as a teacher, you felt that you were doing discipline strategies because you were trying to.
Impress this other, like a supervisor with the control of the class. And I think that is something that so many teachers feel and so many parents feel that they do have to control the class. I was just talking with a teacher last night who they're having a lot of behavior issues in their grade level and he's like, yeah, I don't know what I'm, I'm I need to do.
I've already like reprimanded them. I've yelled at them and I'm just sitting there and I'm like, Like, what can I say in this moment to have influence over this teacher when I'm not a teacher in the classroom myself? But I do know that these, these strategies work. So I'm just wondering how do we, how do we talk with, with teachers that our kids come into contact with when there are issues going on in the classroom and you're.
Hey, like there might be another way to handle things that you haven't thought of
[00:15:23] Mr. Chazz: yet. So first thing is have a relationship. Have a connection with whoever you're talking to, because that's gonna be the, your relationship is gonna be like the filter in which that conversation is had. And if we don't have a relationship with.
The person then it's, uh, likely, especially unsolicited advice. Yeah, yeah. , they're not going to be, uh, uh, really taken it or internalized or really, you know, they may feel judged. Um,
[00:15:51] JoAnn Crohn: That is what I'm trying to check myself on, Mr. Chazz, all my unsolicited advice out there, right?
[00:15:56] Mr. Chazz: Yes. So, so really just be aware of your relationship with this person and then if you don't have a relationship and you really do want to help this person in this moment, maybe it's the first time you're meeting them.
Cuz some, sometimes, a lot of times the situation with me is keep talking to them. And keep, I mean, in that conversation, try to build a relationship and really just trying to see them and understand them and empathize with them without giving any kind of advice. And, you know, one of, one of the things that I'll try to do when talking to teachers or parents or anyone about this is I will, in, in seeing them, I.
In the situation have, take me through the scenario from beginning to end and try to like find a common, a common life experience that. We have, or thing that they may have and try to put themselves in that sh in the shoes of being that person. Uh, or, and, and, and maybe they remember a little bit of what it's like being a child or maybe a teenager, but, and maybe not.
But a lot of times, like I go a, I use a lot of the, uh, reference of the workplace because. . You know, we really, and, and my role as an educational specialist where I was, uh, doing a lot of guiding teachers and more in the leadership position than when I was a teacher in the classroom, but also kind of also having to be the teacher in the classroom a lot of times and really be in the classroom.
I saw there's so many parallels between. our struggles, the, the, the struggles that children have and the struggles that us adults have. Yeah. And so I try to really, uh, talk in a way in like, hey, like what has that experience been like for you? Like just in the workplace and in early childhood we get here we have a range of, uh, leaders who, some leaders are really good and some leaders have, uh, a lot to learn, a lot of opportunities to, I was.
[00:18:04] Brie Tucker: They have work to do. . Yeah, .
[00:18:07] JoAnn Crohn: Well, it's funny, like the parallels I'm drawing right now when you're talking, I'm like, of course. Like the same way we talk to kids about asking them to explain the situation. Take us through it. We should be doing the same with adults. And
[00:18:19] Brie Tucker: that relationship
[00:18:20] Mr. Chazz: too. And the relationship and like, yeah, and think and think specifically about what you.
You think I've reprimanded them, I've done this, I've done that. Yeah. You know, imagine in any professional industry, even your boss talking about you. Yeah. In that way, like, you know, I've tried to punish them, I've docked their pay, I have, you know, made it so I've made their life harder. I've yelled at them, but nothing is getting them to turn their work in on time or nothing is getting them to stop making this mistake.
What would, what do you think you would need in that moment? You know, like what do you think would be helpful for you if you were trying to turn in your lesson plan or that document, or not try to make as many typos or sending documents to the wrong people or not knowing how to do a a program and sometimes it's hard.
For us to really see that and make those parallels cuz we're so far removed from our own childhood and we don't realize, like it's hard for us to remember what it was like being three or even being eight or or 10 or 11. And by that time, so many of these mental models of especially as we kind of get older in the teen years, have been kind of solidified in us.
And I also see children use the same mental models that we use with children they use with each other. So if we operate with the same that. If you're not doing what I want, then I need to force you to do what what I want by any means necessary. Right. They will do the same thing to each other. That's true.
And they will just treat themselves the same way.
[00:19:52] Brie Tucker: It's like that same at that. I've said this many times before and I think I learned it during a positive discipline training, but it was something like, where did we get the crazy idea that we need to make people feel bad in order to make. Act better.
It's the whole, it's the whole point of, and I think we were all kind of brought up with that too, right? Like that was kind of your 50 sixties, 70 eighties mantra, right? Like, you better stop, you're, you're disappointing me. You're, you're doing a bad job. And somehow like talking down to people, disciplining them in a negative way that makes them feel smaller, that makes 'em feel like they don't have the skills, they don't have the capability somehow that's gonna make them somehow be able to behave the way that is.
in the situation and that's not
[00:20:35] Mr. Chazz: it. Yes. And you know, two things I wanna point out here. One is, If you weren't doing that, if you weren't making a child feel bad for the developmental mistakes that they were making, and that's what's happening, their brain is still in the beginning stages developing. If you weren't making a child feel bad and being harsh towards them, when they messed up, then you were looked at as neglect.
Yeah. Right. And so this gets passed down to us as opposed to seeing it as. Maybe there's a skill that they don't have yet. You know, maybe they're struggling, you know, they're not trying, it's the whole thing. If they're not trying to give us a hard time, that they're having a hard time. Mm-hmm. , they're having a hard time, you know, regulating their bodies so that they can, you know, not touch that thing that you don't want them to touch.
Yeah. Or not move. And it's because their bodies are, it's just where they're at in their development, and we don't make a lot of space as adults for. Kids to be kids. Mm-hmm. . Um, and a lot of times our world isn't set up that way to allow kids to be kids. And so sometimes this puts us in a, you know, as a parent or even as a teacher, uh, it puts us in a difficult position to try to, uh, uh, Force a kid or punish a kid or threaten a kid out of being a kid and instead of seeing them and making space for them to be a kid for, to do a developmentally appropriate things and teaching them skills to improve.
and get better and better and better at meeting our, uh, quite honestly, often developmentally inappropriate expectations.
[00:22:12] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, I think you just said it so impactfully because it's like we're trying to fit a kid into a non kidd world. Yeah. And because of that, there's just so much fear that goes on with us as a parent that we're not doing our job well.
If our kids aren't really adhering to a set of behaviors that we think they should, like I have seen. Chase after kids who are like four years old and being like, oh my gosh, don't do that. You're gonna get hurt. You're gonna get, come over here, take your hands off that plate, da, da, da. Like just being so consumed with their kids, possibly doing something quote unquote wrong in the moment, uh, that the kid isn't being allowed to be.
you know? Well, and it's, it's
[00:22:51] Brie Tucker: hard cuz a lot of times their heart like that, the intention of the adult, that's intention with them, their, yeah. Like they're trying to keep their child safe. Maybe they, and, and you've talked about this earlier, like yep. Maybe they have too much anxiety themselves mm-hmm. , um, that, that makes them constantly worried that their child's gonna hurt themselves.
Maybe they. Very strict parents that have made very point clear that, you know, if your child doesn't do exactly this, this, this, and this, and they're completely misbehaving and you're a terrible parent and they just want love acceptance, but like it's really hard, right? Because when you see that coming from, their intention isn't a good place.
but it's having the exact opposite reaction of what they're wanting
[00:23:32] Mr. Chazz: an impact and, and how are you supposed to know mm-hmm. , what else to do in tho that moment if you haven't had Yeah. That example, right. All the example that we had, mm-hmm. is the constant, no, stop, don't strict, don't make me, you know, kind of language.
So that is what we've been conditioned with and, and it's in our body. And, you know, there's a phrase that like, you know, I, I went to speak and out came my mother's mouth, right? It's, it's just saying, like, speaking to the, you know, like we, like I went to say something, I went to correct my child and I found myself saying the same thing that was said to me as a child growing up.
Uh, and like, where did that come from? Like, who am I, like I said, I wasn't gonna be like this, but here I am. Yeah. That habit initially. And so, um, you know, I. Try to do. You know, that's a lot of the work I do on social media because even in my journey, like again, like I had to figure out what else to do, what else to say other than, no, stop, don't touch that, right?
I have to figure out like that saying, no, stop, don't, is working against their brain because I'm still putting on the focus on the thing that I don't want them to do, and instead I need to be able to. One, think about what I want them to do instead, which can be hard enough as it is, and then be able to instruct them what to do and tell them what to do instead of what not to do.
I need to think about where this, you know, child is at developmentally and know this child in front of me. Not just say, oh, a two year old should be able to do this. A three year old should be D able to do this. Four should be able to do this. Now each child is developmentally in different places, and so I have to be able to know the child, and that's part of the relationship building.
Not just connection, but also knowing the child. I also need to know like what their attention span is gonna be for certain. Things, certain activities, so I can kind of already just have that expectation in my mind. So I'm not surprised when they can't sit still and not touch anything for 20 minutes, because that's an unrealistic expectation for a topic.
Yeah. You know, it's, it's all these things that you have to learn and then it's like, yeah, okay, I know better, but then I have to practice doing better. And also too, And that's just with the child, right? I didn't even talk about, and that's just, you know, strategies to do with the child. I didn't even talk about the beginning part of how do I self-regulate enough to even remember to do those things, right?
Mm-hmm. , how do I even learn to. Pause to self-regulate, to breathe, to say some, uh, helpful mantras to combat those unhelpful, unhelpful, sometimes harmful messages that are running through my brain, body. How do I do all those things and give yourself
[00:26:17] Brie Tucker: the grace, right? And like you said that earlier, give yourself the grace that it's not supposed to be perfect.
Mm-hmm. , it is unrealistic expectations to think at all times. I'm gonna be calm, I'm gonna be zen, I'm gonna be able to keep my emotions in check and I'm never going to. I'm never going to lose my cool,
[00:26:33] JoAnn Crohn: like, because that doesn't happen.
[00:26:36] Brie Tucker: saying like, like telling yourself like, it's okay that I yell at my kid every five minutes because I didn't mean to it.
It's just saying that it's. , give yourself some grace. We're all gonna, it's, it's a
[00:26:45] Mr. Chazz: practice. And I wanna also add some more to those parents who are making mistakes out there. We're all trying our best, right? Children are trying their best for the skills, knowledge, and resources they have access to in the moment.
And you are trying your best as a parent with a skills, knowledge, and resources you have access to in that. and one, there's no such thing as a perfect parent. Mm-hmm. two of, I talk to a lot of people, you know, all the, all the people who who've written the book on parenting. Right. And not a single one of them has said like, oh, I got so good that I was at the point, like, I don't make mistakes anymore.
Right. Like I am. I finally have gotten on my fifth book, I finally got to the point where I was the perfect parent. No, what they said. And, and, and what I would say too is that really at the, the height that if you're, if you're looking for a place, a mountain top of a perfect parenting, I will replace that perfect parenting with the just.
Awareness. Yes, yes. The consciousness of it, of being able to, the real power is being able to end those moments where you're threatening or the yelling or the shaming or doing the thing that you're kind of aware is not helpful and maybe even potentially harmful. The thing that you said you didn't wanna do, committed to not doing, of.
becoming aware of that in the moment as you're doing it and being able to kind of check yourself. Mm-hmm. , that is like really the mountain top, where like, okay, like this is where you've made it. They're still improving and they're still learning and in. I want to add number three. I want to add to that is that, Those mistakes aren't an essential part of the learning process.
Mistakes are an essential part of the learning process. I'm gonna say one more time because it's so important. Mistakes are an essential part of the learning process for you, for
[00:28:47] JoAnn Crohn: your child. We should say it with you. Mistakes are essential. Part of the learning process.
[00:28:54] Brie Tucker: Mistakes your judicial part of the learning.
Mistakes are right? Yeah. Mistakes are opportunities to learn every, all the
[00:29:01] Mr. Chazz: time. Yes, yes, yes. So when you're making those mistakes, instead of seeing it as a woe is me, I'm such a bad parent. See that? Try to see that as a gift. For everyone to learn here. That's an opportunity for you to learn. Here I'm a, uh, conscious discipline practitioner, and so we have a phrase in the conscious discipline.
Um, our Oops, oops, stands for our opportunity to problem solve. And when we make an oops, that's a really, that's a gift now and for us to learn, but also, For children to learn how to make mistakes, and as children, that is probably the most valuable lesson to learn because they're going to be making mistakes their entire life, and especially as children cuz they're so new to the world and so new to everything.
And because mistakes are an essential learning part of the learning process. And they're learning about everything in the world. So they're gonna be making mistakes all over the place. That's probably one of the most valuable things that you can teach them as a parent, is how to make mistakes and how to repair relationships afterwards.
How to repair, uh, you know, how to come back from your mistakes. And if we are trying to pretend to be the perfect parent, yeah, like a lot of. Our parents used to pretend to be and they have a really hard time apologizing and wouldn't apologize cuz we wouldn't listen to them because we would think that they make mistakes.
It's on the, on the opposite, true. Those mistakes and showing children how to make mistakes, that is a valuable lesson to learn. Even more valuable than I, than you doing the quote unquote right thing the first time. Yeah. It
[00:30:45] JoAnn Crohn: is so valuable and I think it's a really good protector too, against perfectionism.
Seeing other people make mistakes and that it's okay and that you can recover and you've given us so much to think about. I love the mind shifts, uh, as well that you've given us to think about and the little changes in behavior. What are you excited about that's coming up in your own life?
[00:31:07] Mr. Chazz: Oh man, there's so much.
I'm living a busy life right now. I'm write my book, uh, in all of the nuance Yeah. And strategies and really mapping out how to guide children in a healthy way and kind of, uh, heal from some of the harm that we have conditioned in our bodies. So I'm excited about that. And I am also, I've actually. I kind of said I wasn't gonna do like a, a course, I wanted to write a book for us first, but I think I'm going to, my mind is starting to change in that and I am going to be coming out with an online course at some point.
Um, so those are some things that I'm excited about. That all
[00:31:52] JoAnn Crohn: sounds amazing. It all sounds amazing. Well, thank you so much for joining us. It has been a pleasure. Thank to you Mr. Chazz. And. This is gonna be so helpful to so many parents. Thank you for having
[00:32:01] Mr. Chazz: me on. Um, there's, there's so much more I wish I could say on the No Guilt Mom podcast.
[00:32:09] Brie Tucker: Yes. Austin, I think we're just gonna have you back again. We .
[00:32:12] Mr. Chazz: Yes. I guess you're gonna have to do that, .
[00:32:16] JoAnn Crohn: Well, we definitely look forward to your course and your book, and we're excited to talk to you again sometime soon. So I'll talk to you later. All right. That that was so much fun talking to him. And I have to admit, one of the coolest things about us having a podcast, Brie is like, I think I've mentioned this before, we just get to reach out to people and meet them people that we admire and people like we really wanna talk to.
And hey. , do you wanna come be on the podcast versus like, I, people that normally
[00:32:46] Brie Tucker: you would not be able to talk to together. People afford, you'll normally not be able to connect with, we'll say connect with. When I say not being able to talk to it sounds a little stalkerish, so people you wouldn't normally be able to connect with
[00:32:56] JoAnn Crohn: will say that.
Yeah, it like makes it the best job in the world. You get all these fascinating people and it's also kind of an interesting job because we both record from our own homes. And you had, you had a very
[00:33:07] Brie Tucker: interesting situation during this interview. My day was like crazy. So, uh, with my, I love my husband beyond belief and the fact that he tries everything 100%.
We recently got a new sink in our kitchen, and when I say recently, it was actually, uh, a little over a
[00:33:25] JoAnn Crohn: month ago. And I feel this has been like the sink of drama. Like there's been something going on with this all
[00:33:31] Brie Tucker: the time, right? So like we got the sink put in and we have, we had to call it granite guy.
And then once it was done, he was like, okay, now you just need to call a plumber to hook it up or you can just do it yourself. The granite guy convinced my husband he could do it himself. , I love you, Miguel. . But I haven't had working drinking water in like six weeks. ,
[00:33:52] JoAnn Crohn: it's a long time, especially in Arizona where it's so dry here and we didn't need our drinking
[00:33:57] Brie Tucker: water, right?
Like, and I'm not saying like we didn't have water, like the sink was working. We have an RO system and I just, I missed my drinking water and it was like such a pain. And like we had like no ice in the fridge. First world problems. Right? Just such an issue. So, uh, it took us, um, a while, but I finally was able to get ahold of our, our water system people scheduled an appointment, but they're very busy, so it took them like two and a half weeks to get out here.
I have a huge party this weekend, my annual sweater party. Um, and so I'm like, I need to have water. I need to have ice by then. So, and of course the guy like calls me the day before and is like, yeah, I'll be there between nine 30 and 10 30. Ask me what time our interview. Nine 30, it's like nine 30 .
[00:34:39] JoAnn Crohn: So like,
[00:34:40] Brie Tucker: yeah.
So I told JoAnn, like during this whole thing, I was like, okay, I know, hopefully he won't show up at the beginning. And he didn't. But he showed up like three quarters of the way through. And you'll see me in the video just like snapping under my, under my arm, like trying to get my dog to stop barking.
And. I'm like, I gotta go. There's a guy in my kitchen that has no idea what to do. He's just looking at a leaky faucet going, huh, . So
[00:35:01] JoAnn Crohn: yeah, it's like all of these, all these scheduling things, trying to balance real lives with podcast life. It's always a good time. Well, we had a phenomenal time with Mr. Chazz and we look forward to everything that he is putting out
[00:35:17] Brie Tucker: there.
Yes, we, we have more collaborations coming up with him too. We do
[00:35:22] JoAnn Crohn: look out for those. Yeah,
[00:35:24] Brie Tucker: there you'll see more stuff with no guilt. Mom and Mr. Chazz cuz. We are right on the same
[00:35:29] JoAnn Crohn: wavelength. Yes. So remember the best Mom is a happy mom. Take care of you and we'll talk to you later. Thanks for stopping by.