No Guilt Mom

What Every Mom Needs to Know About Competitive Sports with Breanne Smedley

February 21, 2023 No Guilt Mom, JoAnn Crohn, Brie Tucker, Breanne Smedley Episode 172
No Guilt Mom
What Every Mom Needs to Know About Competitive Sports with Breanne Smedley
Show Notes Transcript

As a mom, it's important to know the facts about competitive sports, especially how we can help our daughters develop positive and healthy mindset in life and sports. 

We welcome Breanne Smedley a certified female athlete at Elite Performance Coach who works to empower and enable female athletes to cultivate true confidence, unlock their potential, and level up their performance across all aspects of their lives.   She’s passionate about helping sports moms strengthen their athlete daughter's mental game so she stops beating herself up after mistakes and starts believing in herself as much as her mom does.

In this episode, we share everything you need to know, from the dangers of a perfectionist mindset to how to help your daughter find her positive qualities.

Resources We Shared:

Happy Mom Summit A FREE online virtual event that brings you expert-led sessions, and a thriving community of like-minded moms ready to kick the guilt while raising respectful and responsible kids. The summit will be held live from February 27th-March 6th, 2023.

How to strengthen your daughter’s mental game- This is a FREE training from Breanne Smedley to teach you what to say and do to help your daughter overcome her mistakes, release all the pressure, and flip negative thoughts so she believes in herself as much as you believe in her! 

Raising Unstoppable Girl Athletes Podcast

Visit No Guilt Mom

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Transcripts for No Guilt Mom Episode 172

Please note: Transcripts are created using AI. There may be some errors.

[00:00:00] JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn. Joined here by my co-host Brie Tucker 

[00:00:07] Brie Tucker: Why hello. Hello, everybody! How are you? 

[00:00:10] JoAnn Crohn: It is a, it is the end of the week. The end of the week when we're 

[00:00:15] Brie Tucker: recording 

It is the week. And it's also like, I know that we mentioned in our, episode, it is close to the holidays, so it is, a time where like your brain is half on or half mush. I'm not sure how you wanna look at it either way. 

[00:00:28] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, it's, it's . It's funny because like my brain is half mush my being, my husband's been outta town all this week on a work trip, and so my kids are pretty self-sufficient, but just having to manage everything on my own, there's definitely a hit in brain power being, 

[00:00:44] Brie Tucker: but you know what? We did talk about this, obviously o well not obviously to the audience, but obviously you and me, we talked about this off camera about how, at the beginning of the week though, you were talking about how you felt like it was, you didn't realize how much time you spent trying to keep track of his time and 

[00:01:03] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. 

[00:01:03] Brie Tucker: And doing things for him that you were thinking it would be an easier week. 

[00:01:07] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm.

[00:01:07] Brie Tucker: and now that it's at the end of the week. How was it?

[00:01:10] JoAnn Crohn: It's, it was okay. Everything was okay, but usually he's my tap out when things get way too emotional and having a teenager, like it's really 

[00:01:18] Brie Tucker: emotional every day.

[00:01:19] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. So I didn't have that tap out and that's really what exhausted me. But I, I think after this week I am going to worry less about him. I mean, he doesn't want me worrying about him. I know that for like, cuz we've talked about this . But it's just a habit I have and I think I can just let go and make sure I am focused on me and what needs to be done. And it's all good. It's all okay. 

[00:01:49] Brie Tucker: That's fantastic. It's a hard time. Anytime anyone has no tap out with their teenage daughter. 

[00:01:55] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. 

[00:01:56] Brie Tucker: I'm gonna say daughter, because in my case, I have a son and a daughter, and I would definitely say my daughter is a lot more involved, with the emotional end of things than my son is.

Well, he's not emotional, he just, he doesn't suck as much outta my cup as my daughter does. Yeah. Yeah. But I love her. I love them both, but it's a lot of. Stuff out of the cup. 

[00:02:19] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. Well, when my son was younger, it used to be him who had like all the attention needed to be given to him and now he's. Not, I wouldn't say like he's totally independent and doesn't need me at all, but again, he doesn't need as much for my cup.

I think that's a good, good way to explain it. 

[00:02:34] Brie Tucker: Right? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. 

[00:02:36] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. So, our guest today is actually great that we're on the subject of daughters because she helps moms of teenage athletes, particularly girls. Her name is Breanne Smedley, and she is a certified female athlete, elite performance coach who works to empower and enable female athletes to cultivate true confidence, unlock their potential and level up their performance across all aspects of their lives. And she's passionate about helping sports moms strengthen their athletes, daughter's mental game. So she stops beating herself up after. And starts believing in herself as much as her mom does. And I laugh a little bit because you will see 

[00:03:14] Brie Tucker: how this, we talked so much about that goes right 

[00:03:17] JoAnn Crohn: into that and perfectionism. So we hope you enjoy our interview with Breanne. 




[00:03:24] JoAnn Crohn: I wanna talk to you. starting, like as a competitive athlete, like I'm assuming you started in high school with athletics, is that right? 

[00:03:32] Breanne Smedley: Mm-hmm. , yeah. I started probably more, more like middle school.

I was, you know, very competitive in a lot of sports, but volleyball was like my main sport. That was the one that I fell in love with in high school. Got really serious. I was basically playing year round. So yeah, that was like my main sport. Yeah. 

[00:03:50] JoAnn Crohn: Did you have the experience where you were, uh, basically in school and then in the sport, and it took up most of your free time outside of school?

[00:03:57] Breanne Smedley: Oh, yeah. Yeah. And honestly, I mean, my story around athletics and competition, it like, you know, it, it started as a love and then it became something that was- all, all consuming to the point where when I was a senior, I was a highly recruited athlete. I was getting a lot of offers to play at the next level, and it was kind of this idea of, you know, where's, where's Brie gonna play?

Not like, is she gonna play what it, I just felt like it was, you know, everybody else's expectations on me and, Actually my senior year after, after my senior season, I decided to quit. I was like, this is too much. This is, you know, taking up my whole life, my whole identity. Looking back now, I know exactly what it was.

I was dealing internally with a lot of expectations, pressure, confidence, issues. It felt like I had to perform always. It couldn't make any mistakes, and I just didn't know how to deal with the normal things that athletes deal with. You know, like all athletes face mistakes, pressure, expectations, nerves.

It's a common thing when you're an athlete and I just thought I was the only one and didn't know how to deal with it. So I was like, it's better for me just to quit and like duck out of this than to be at the next level. Have to deal with all this, let people down. And so I did . You're like, wait, but you played in college. How did this happen? 

[00:05:12] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. No. Well, you, you've touched on something so important and that's the confidence issue. Yeah. And that's, I see the confidence issues right now with my daughter. I remember acutely the confidence issues that I went through in high school, like I was a high school swimmer and mm-hmm.

sometimes I felt that it was like not even worth trying if everybody else was better than me. Did you ever encounter anything like that? 

[00:05:37] Breanne Smedley: Yeah, it was, you know, and now doing the work that I do, I see a lot of this perfectionism, tendency, this all or nothing. It's not worth it to even try. If I'm just gonna get beat out or she's gonna be better than me, or I'm gonna make mistakes, I'm gonna fail.

It's, it's better just to not even do it. . And you know, that's, I totally saw that coming out. Obviously that, that basically made my decisions for me when it came to that point of like, Hey, are you gonna continue with the sport you love? And it's like, no, because I could fail basically. And if I'm going to go down that road and be a disappointment in my mind, then I'm just not gonna do that.

So, yeah, of course. 

[00:06:15] Brie Tucker: I think that that's something it's a good point there that, that fear of, if I'm not the best, if I'm not perfect at it mm-hmm. , then I'm going to completely let everybody down, even though nobody's ever said that to you. Nobody's ever like, right. Nobody ever said, Brie, you, you better be a good volleyball player.

Like, that's it. If you're not like number one. 

[00:06:32] Breanne Smedley: Mm-hmm. 

[00:06:32] Brie Tucker: we don't love ya. exactly. Was never said, but yet we all have that thought process. 

[00:06:39] Breanne Smedley: Mm-hmm. 

[00:06:40] Brie Tucker: it's, it's, I had that same one growing up too. Like I wasn't sporty, but. . I was really competitive in music and unless I knew I was gonna like hammer that tryout I didn't even try.

And if I did, then I was gonna be the best at everything. And it, like you said, it would just consume your whole personality. And it's, where is that in between, right? 

[00:07:00] Breanne Smedley: Mm-hmm. 

[00:07:00] Brie Tucker: And that's, that's what you focus on, is helping everybody find that in between because it's scary. 

[00:07:05] JoAnn Crohn: Did you ever have a hard time taking constructive criticism because you felt like, like I'm speaking from personal experience and from what I see with my daughter, I could not ask people how I could improve because if I asked them, I felt like they would just say, oh my gosh, you suck as a swimmer. Why are you even doing this? Basically the Simon Cowell of coaches, you know, that was my fear. Did you ever have that fear of feedback and criticism in your sports life? 

[00:07:37] Breanne Smedley: Yeah, I really did. And again, that hits on, um, when we teach moms and athletes about perfectionism, it's kind of like hitting those, those themes.

We kind of teach in, buckets of like common things that athletes struggle with, perfectionism, nerves, anxiety. You know, never feeling good enough. These are just common things coming back from mistakes. And that one would fall into the perfectionist bucket where it's like feedback is seen as, um, like you're just telling me I'm the worst person ever.

And we see this when our, when athletes, and this is very common, attached to their identity, to their sport and their outcomes with their self-worth. And there's sneaky ways that. that we as parents, I mean we have the best intentions, but we actually are reaffirming this in our athletes. 

[00:08:18] Brie Tucker: Oh no. 

[00:08:19] Breanne Smedley: And like you said, no one told me. Yeah, no one told me like, Hey Brie, like you are a volleyball player and that's all you are. And if you don't perform out there like, you know, we don't love you. But guess what? I got a ton of praise. When I did well, I got a ton of praise. When I got the most kills, I got a ton of recognition. I got a ton of focus.

I got a ton of attention when I was doing those things. And so subconsciously that is what we put into our brains as athletes, you know, as young, impressionable athletes like mm-hmm. , you know, we, when I do good things out there, I get recognition. So that is where, you know, that that connect comes. And as parents, we can actually be intentional with where we shift our focus to help our athletes not have that identity crisis.

[00:08:59] JoAnn Crohn: That's, that's interesting because as parents, you know, you're told, oh, we should boost our kids strengths and self-esteem and really tell them when they're doing well because 

[00:09:07] Breanne Smedley: mm-hmm. 

[00:09:07] JoAnn Crohn: that helps. But like what we teach also at No Guilt Mom is like, it really all depends on where we put the praise and it's always effort versus innate ability.

Mm-hmm. , because that's the only thing that could. Really improved on or really worked on. Yeah, and it's funny that you mentioned all the perfectionism thing. Cause I'm like, maybe some of my own perfectionism qualities are coming out here because that's all I'm asking you about . 

[00:09:35] Breanne Smedley: No. Yes, I know. You're like, wow.

We're stop again. Okay. 

[00:09:39] JoAnn Crohn: We're in perfectionism again. Okay, cool. 

[00:09:42] Brie Tucker: So I'm curious, what are some things that we can do? Like what, how can we shift that praise or that. Positive reinforcement to a place where it's actually more helpful and they don't see it as conditional. 

[00:09:56] Breanne Smedley: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it sounds like, you know, you guys have have nailed it, right?

We are shifting two things that are in their control. So there's kind of two, two ways that we teach moms how they shape their athlete daughter's confidence. And that's through providing the opportunities. and through shaping the environment and providing the opportunities, we're pretty good at that, right?

Like we give them the physical training that they need, we sign 'em up for the sports they wanna play, take 'em to practice. And then also though the opportunities for them to develop the mental side of their game and the confidence. And so that's kind of like what we can provide for athletes, but then shaping the environment is actually where we move the needle most.

And so we talk about, we shape the environment for our daughters through what we say to them, our verbal communication and our nonverbal communication. So what we're modeling for them. So JoAnn, when you were like, My perfectionism might be showing up in my, you know, yes. There is a, like, come on, we've gotta look at ourselves and look at our triggers, look at our past history with our sport and other things, even our trauma, to see how that might be showing up in our athlete.

But when it comes to that verbal communication, You know, you hit it on the head, shifting from the outcome to what's in their control, shifting from their stats, their accolades, all of those things to what the process was that got them there, because that's what's in their control. You know, it sounds like I'm preaching to the choir care,

And so we, you know, we say yes. Like we don't, it's not like we're gonna ignore like, oh my gosh, you got, you scored like eight goals. You know, this game, like obviously that's phenomenal, but can we, and as I'm even telling moms, when you're sitting on the sideline, take some mental notes. If you put a note in your phone, watch the things that your athlete did that weren't just the goal scored.

Was she getting available? Was she encouraging her teammates? Was she hustling when she lost the ball? What did she not give up when it could have been easy to do that? Was she taking coaching? Well, like those things lead to the. Like in, in very big ways. And so then it's like, oh, great game. You know? How do you feel like you did, we have a whole kind of post game thing that we do.

What I noticed was you were taking coaching so well, like your coach was telling you this and you were nodding your head or you're making eye contact. But it was so cool and you know, I know you've worked hard for this, like that. You must be so proud of yourself. So bringing it back, turning that in that lens inward.

So that's kind of the first. The second one is more of a long game, and that's, recognizing their positive inequalities. So we say, okay, find what her Piq s are. And those are just like what make her her, because we wanna separate who our athlete is from what they do, right? She is not just volleyball, she's not just soccer, she's not just dance.

You know, she's so many other things. And so we wanna be constantly just in the daily life, like pulling out those positive innate qualities and what we love about our daughters, that aren't related to her sport. So that's where we start when we start talking about this as mom. 

[00:12:35] Brie Tucker: Yeah. 

[00:12:35] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. I love it because it, it's a really hard.

Thing to shift because like I grew up and like you probably grew up and we grew up having that praise where it's like, oh my gosh, you're so good. Oh my gosh, that was so beautiful. Oh, that was such a good performance. And the first thing I find that I wanna say to my daughter is those same things, that's what immediately pops into my head.

And it's sometimes hard just to step back. Really think about, okay, how do I praise the effort here versus praising just the outcome, right? 

[00:13:06] Breanne Smedley: Mm-hmm.

[00:13:06] Brie Tucker: because it's like, you just said, it's what you see that you wanted to be like, oh my gosh, you have so much talent. You have so much skill. But sometimes that can go the exact opposite direction of what we want . 

[00:13:17] Breanne Smedley: Yeah. Cuz then it's like, I remember, One time, and again, all athletes are different and what they're motivated by, but we do know this to be true that athletes, you know, tend to, especially those that lean towards the perfectionism, tend to attach their identity to what they do.

But I remember once I had like one of the best games of my high school career, I had, you know, like 20 kills or something like that. It was, it was so, so good. And after the game, instead of being excited I was, How am I ever gonna do that again? Yes. It was just this like, oh yes. You know? 

[00:13:46] Brie Tucker: You already felt like you peaked, man!

[00:13:48] Breanne Smedley: Yeah. Yeah. I was like, there's oh, 

[00:13:49] Brie Tucker: like at 15, 16. 

[00:13:51] Breanne Smedley: Exactly. 

[00:13:52] JoAnn Crohn: But I can totally identify with that. I have had feelings like that after massive successes where you're like, well, , that's it. Now I have to compete with it and the bars just raise even higher. 

[00:14:03] Breanne Smedley: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So it's finding that balance of like constantly.

Yeah. We want our athletes to be improving and to be, getting better and those outcomes improving, of course. But we also, at a deeper level, want them to be satisfied with their performance, satisfied with who they are, satisfied with the work that they're putting in, the goals that they're setting.

Like all of that, that comes through the process of getting better. , you know, that's what keeps them, them going. Not this like, all right, well, I guess I'm, I guess I'm done because I've gone as far as I can go. 

[00:14:32] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. Well, it's interesting for athletes who keep winning and keep experiencing good results. In my research before this interview, I found a quote that you said, after a game, and you said, as a coach, I really like well-timed losses.

As we were going through the season and rolling along, I was like, when's our adversity going to? That was it. That gave us an opportunity to dig a little deeper. 

[00:14:52] Breanne Smedley: Mm-hmm. . 

[00:14:53] JoAnn Crohn: So can you talk a little bit about what loss does to kids when they're an a, an athlete? 

[00:14:58] Breanne Smedley: Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. You pulled up that quote.

So we, yeah. That's from this season. I also coach a high school volleyball team and we, we won state, we won state last year. We won state this year and this year, and they were completely different seasons. This season we were, you know, coming in as defending state champs and we were rolling along, we were not getting hit with a lot of tough challenges and I'm like, this is a problem.

you know, like we as, as good as winning is. Winning doesn't solve everything. Winning doesn't cure everything. It, it doesn't. And I was like, we, we've gotta hit some, I mean, we were creating some adversity for ourselves with some of the internal team dynamics that we had going on. But, you know, we needed something, we needed, that challenge because it's really easy to be the athlete that, you say you wanna be, it's really athlete or easy for our kids to be like, yeah, I wanna be this like, you know, positive teammate and I wanna work really hard.

And then you're winning. And it's like, yeah, that's easy. What and who are you? How do you respond when things are hard? When we're, we're down? And it's tough and it's really hard to be positive. That's where you get the real opportunity to prove who you are and who you wanna be. And so, yeah, we lost in district championship.

It was a tough loss, but I was like, sweet, this is awesome. I'm so excited. . Yeah. The girls were like, all sad and I'm like, let's go . 

[00:16:19] Brie Tucker: They're like, what is wrong with you? Did you just see what happened? 

[00:16:21] Breanne Smedley: Yeah. I believe we would've not won state if we hadn't had that loss because it exposed some things in us.

Caused us to work a little harder in practice. There were just so many good things that came from that loss. And so, you know, shifting our focus to hey, losses are, they teach us the most, we didn't change anything, you know, with what we were doing the whole season, we didn't have to.

But I knew in the post-season it was like, we're gonna be challenged in much different ways and we need some adversity to, to kinda allow us to dig a little deeper. So yeah, losses are great. . What 

[00:16:49] JoAnn Crohn: What should moms do when , their daughter right after a tough loss or maybe like it, something didn't go the way their daughter expected that it would go. Like, what's the dialogue there? 

Mm-hmm. . 

[00:17:02] Breanne Smedley: Great question. Welcome to athletics. This happens all the time. The way that we describe this to moms is there are four roles in your athlete daughter. You know, career, right? And her athletic career. There's the coach, there's the athlete, there's the ref, and there's the parent.

And you get to be one. Now, if you're the actual coach of your daughter's team like you do, you are two things. And that's a hard line. But you're not the athlete. This is her journey. This is her experience. You're not the coach. You're not there to be giving tips and pointers and reminders and coaching and feedback unless she's asking for it.

You're not the ref. Don't be the mom that's like, ah, back hall, whatever. We've seen that. Yes. 

[00:17:37] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. . At football games. Yes. 

[00:17:42] Breanne Smedley: No judgment, you know. No judgment. But yeah. But the parent, and as I said earlier, the parent, as a parent, you have two, two roles. You provide the opportunities, you shape the environment.

And when it comes to post loss, we really have to make sure we stay in the role because we like to fix things. Parents like to be like, 

[00:17:57] Brie Tucker: yep, 

[00:17:57] Breanne Smedley: my daughter's upset. Like she, whatever happened, whatever went down. Maybe there's some. There's some tough feelings. There's, there's a lot going on, and we wanna swoop in and be like, don't feel like this anymore.

You mm-hmm. , you did great. Stop thinking about all the things that went bad. No, this'll, this will be better. And even as a coach, I was like, okay, we gotta grieve this a little bit and then we can look forward. And so, you know, we teach mom a framework. Mom's a framework for post-game and the acronym is Love, l o v e.

And so the first part of the acronym is Let her Lead. So after that tough game, and really this is win loss, but it's to kind of gauge like where is she at? Let her lead what she wants to do. Most athletes and most athletes in our program, when we ask them, what do you need after a game, they're like, I need space.

I just. time, I just need someone to just be there and like, not ask me a bunch of questions about the game and like try and fix it. And so let her kind of lead and, and, judge can, what, what's gonna, what does she need? The o is open the space. And so we encourage moms to have like a post competition, post-game like routine with their daughter.

Whether, and the simplest one is like, Hey, where do you wanna go eat? You know, not let's go, let's all hash out the game or anything, but have just some sort of like simple routine that you do so that she has reaffirmed that. I am loved. No matter what I did out there, we're still gonna go get something to eat.

It's not like if I win , I get something to eat if I lose stone. Oh my God. That's awful. That'd be horrible. I know I asked about that, but I'm like, I've seen it so it has. Oh yeah. 

[00:19:20] Brie Tucker: I don't even wanna, Nope. Nope. That's 

[00:19:22] Breanne Smedley: not good. That's not good. Open the space and allow her to, to be there. The, the best thing is for your daughter to come to you in those situations.

And so, you know, if you are peppering her with questions and you are like giving her coaching, you'd be like, well, if you would've done this or if the coach would've done this, she's gonna slowly be like, I don't want you, you know, and we wanna have her to be like, to come to us and we wanna be that safe space.

And, the "V" is validate. And so I know it's simple, but. Yeah, she's going through a hard time, validate it. Don't try and fix it. She'll be like, yeah, that was tough. That was tough. You worked really hard for that and it wasn't how you expected it. Like, that would be tough. Tell me more about it. And just validate her experience.

The last one is E. That's encourage inward. . And so for that, we, we encourage moms to, you know, a ask their daughters, like, Hey, do you wanna talk about this? Or do you just, do you wanna vent? Do you want my perspective? You know, those really good questions that help her kind of, turn the gaze inwards.

So like, Hey, what, you know, what were your goals in that game? What didn't go well? , what did go well? How were you a great teammate? Mm-hmm. , what are you gonna do moving forward? Like those questions instead of like shifting blame and, and you know, everything else, just allowing her to process. So that's the framework that we do.

Kinda overview of the framework that we teach moms for post-game. 

[00:20:33] Brie Tucker: I have a question on that. What do you, uh, what advice do you have if, when you're doing that final step you find that your daughter is doing a lot of, oh, well, it was so-and-so's fault on the team, or the coach should have done this when they're, when they're constantly putting the loss or the blame on other people? And you're, you're seeing this pattern, oh my gosh. Maybe they weren't like that before they started doing it, but like, what's the best thing you can do to kind of help bring them back when they're like, whoa, we're focusing too much on I being everybody else's fault.

[00:21:02] Breanne Smedley: Yeah, that's a great question. Because that's a coping mechanism, right? Right. It's them. Yeah. Like, ugh, it's not me . And so validate it and be like, oh, okay. So I'm hearing you say that, you know, if the coach would've just maybe done this, it would've changed the outcome, maybe. , maybe we don't know what's, you know, but that's outta your control.

So we teach athletes, you know, like in your control, outta your control Basic concept. Mm-hmm. , like, yeah. What is, what is in your control though, that that could have influenced the game? You know, so it's kind of like, ah, I see that. What else could it be? You know? Mm-hmm. . And so it's just that same concept of like, you know, we don't wanna just like brush it off because.

You know, just like us, like adults when we're processing things, like, you know, when I process things with my husband when he's like, oh, no, stop. Like, it's not that I'm like, wait, , but I really think that and so it's just kind of like validating it, you know, for a moment and be like, Hmm, okay, maybe.

And then moving on to like, but that's not really in your control. Yeah. So what's in your control? That could have, you know, influenced something differently? Or what do you wanna do next time in that street? . 

[00:22:03] JoAnn Crohn: I like that shift and I can see in many conversations where I can use that with my daughter and the blame shifting cuz it's, it's so easy to be like, oh no, that's not true.

But I love the validate and then shifting it. I'm gonna use that. It's gonna be amazing. What 

[00:22:20] Breanne Smedley: I have more on that.

[00:22:21] JoAnn Crohn: Tell me. 

[00:22:23] Breanne Smedley: Yeah, well, just real quick be careful moms to agree. I know we all have our opinions on coaches and teammates and all of that. The quickest way you can tear down an athlete coach relationship is to be like, yeah, I know that coach really does.

Like, that was a bad decision, you know? Reframe from that. You can talk to your partner about that like, but just in front of your daughter, that actually damages her, her relationship with her coach and her future success. So just, you know, you can validate and be like, okay, yeah, I see what you're saying, but don't go down the rabbit hole of being like, yeah, I know that coach, blah, blah.

[00:22:54] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. Okay. I have to say from, if anyone's listening right now, that is an easy rabbit hole to go down because currently this high school season, that is the rabbit hole we've been going down with her . 

[00:23:04] Brie Tucker: Well, especially the team she's on. 

[00:23:05] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. 

[00:23:06] Brie Tucker: Well, especially if you think that if you feel like it, you truly are fearful for what that's doing to your child's, self-esteem.

You truly feel like it might be a toxic type situation. 

[00:23:17] Breanne Smedley: Now that's a different story. Yeah, yeah. It's a toxic, you know, and there's, there's things, then you go down the path of like, okay, you know, again, you don't have to just like tear somebody down. You could be like, oh yeah, let's hear the details. You know, how is this impacting you?

And then you take the steps of like, you know, either your athlete talking to the coach or you talking to the coach with your athlete and Right. You know, so that, yeah. Of course, that's, that's. . 

[00:23:39] Brie Tucker: But I mean, I think it brings up a good point. Like it can be, it can be tricky to know where that line is, right?

Where, where that, like where your child might be having a, a skewed perception and so the story they're coming back to you with isn't maybe as bad as it sounds. So it can be tricky. I have a really quick question what is a kill? What is a kill ? . I'm not a volleyball girl.

[00:24:01] Breanne Smedley: a kill and volleyball is when the attacker, like the, the third person to, to contact the ball, hits the ball over and it gets a point. Oh, okay. All right. There we go. I know. It is kind of like, you know, why do they call it kills. 

[00:24:14] Brie Tucker: I like it though. 

I like it. I was just, the whole time you kept saying kills.

I'm like, what does that mean? Does that mean she like, spiked it or like, 

[00:24:20] Breanne Smedley: Yeah. Yeah. You spiked it got a point. Yeah. 

[00:24:23] Brie Tucker: Awesome. Cool. 

[00:24:25] JoAnn Crohn: What are you looking forward to you that is coming up for you? 

[00:24:31] Breanne Smedley: Well, let's see. I am looking forward to the holidays right now. We're kind of, as we're, as we're recording this, we're going into a season of spending some more time with family.

We just wrapped up a really successful season. But my, husband is the head football coach where I. Coach volleyball and we've got two little kiddos and it's just like an enormously busy season for those like five months. And so I'm looking forward to not having all of that in our business.

We've got a lot of cool things happening as well, so I'm looking forward. We're rebranding our podcasts. We've got new offerings for moms, for teams and coaches, and so that's really fun too, on the horizon. That's awesome. 

[00:25:08] JoAnn Crohn: That is exciting. Well, it's been awesome talking with you. Thank you so much for coming.

[00:25:13] Breanne Smedley: Yes. Thank you for having me. Great questions. Loved it, . 

[00:25:17] JoAnn Crohn: It. It's so funny during this interview because I think right in the middle of it, when I was looking at the questions I was asking, I'm like, maybe I have a problem with perfectionism . 

[00:25:26] Brie Tucker: I think she says that in there oh, another question about perfectionism, right? . 

[00:25:31] JoAnn Crohn: I'm like, okay, there might be an issue here.

I admit it. I admit it. 

[00:25:35] Brie Tucker: But I have to admit, when I had first heard about it, I'm like, okay, I, I'm not really big into sports. I never really was big into sports. I played softball when I was younger, but not for like high school or anything further than that. And I did music, blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, okay, I'm not sure how much I'm gonna be able to relate to Breanne besides our names. I love the fact that yeah, same names. We have the same name, same spelled differently, but same name. Um, but I love, like everything she said was 100% same wavelength does everything that we're talking about.

It's, it's about like supporting them and having the right, like when you're giving them the, the positive feedback that you're focusing on the right things, not necessarily on. You know, did you win? You know, love what you did related to winning, but talking about mm-hmm. , the effort and all those kinds of things.

So I just loved it. It was so nice and refreshing to hear that thought process rather than the win, win, win win, win thought process. Yeah. 

[00:26:32] JoAnn Crohn: Well, you know what, it's interesting because, my daughter came home, yesterday and she was complaining about her coach. And so I'm like, okay, I am ready for this.

And she was venting about her coach. And you know, bear in mind, we talk about validating feelings and how to let others talk and everything, like all the time in our house. So she's venting, venting, venting. And I'm like, What's something that like you're proud of that you did? Right, and she turns it immediately around.

She's like, mom, I am venting. I just wanna vent right now. I don't wanna think about what I'm doing right, right now. And I'm like, okay. I was like, I tried . I tried. 

[00:27:16] Brie Tucker: It'll come in later. I am sure. I am sure. But you know what? I'm so proud of her for saying that part though. Like, I'm just venting because it Right. Isn't that one of the hardest things I think about being a parent in general for our kids, but especially if you're a parent of a teen girl trying to figure out what it is that they want.

Mm-hmm. , , do you want to just vent to me? Do you want me to, give any advice? Do you want me to distract? Mm-hmm. , do you want me to agree? What is it that you're looking for from me? And I'm glad that she was able to say that. Wish it could have been a little bit softer, but that's okay.

[00:27:51] JoAnn Crohn: It's a hard thing because sometimes she doesn't even know what she wants. cause I'll ask those questions and I mean, I think it's normal human nature. She's just like, I just want you to do what the right thing is mom. 

[00:28:01] Brie Tucker: I'm like, I don't know the right thing. You're like, in this circumstance it's an insider secret.

We don't know what we're doing. We don't winging it. 

[00:28:10] JoAnn Crohn: I could tell you what I think and then she's like, no, that's not what I be, I'm like, okay, . And I think that's just gonna be the way of things for like the next few years because , I was probably the same way. 

[00:28:23] Brie Tucker: I do know that as the years have progressed, Every couple of months I'm calling my parents going, I just wanted to let you know I love you and I appreciate you, and I am so sorry for all the crap I gave you because now I understand. And then I go off on whatever new thing just happened. Mm-hmm. . And I'm like, and now I know what that was like for you.

So, Thank you for being patient with me and got any advice? 

[00:28:48] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. 

[00:28:49] Brie Tucker: My parents would be like, listen, Brie, we're like in our seventies now. We don't have advice. You just figure it out on your own. , you can tell the baby and the family. . 

[00:28:59] JoAnn Crohn: Mine are like, I have no idea. Yeah, you're dealing with it still with your sister and she's almost 34

[00:29:10] Brie Tucker: It's the joys. Well, like I, I just said like I'm still the baby. I am still treated like the baby in my family and I actually don't mind it so much. Don't mind it so much at all. 

[00:29:19] JoAnn Crohn: You don't, you don't mind it cuz I don't, that's a point of contention in my family. It's like, cuz the baby's treated like they can't handle things on their own.

Like, do you ever feel like they're treated like that? 

[00:29:29] Brie Tucker: So, Not really. What I feel like I get is a lot of, a lot of, would you like help? Would you like this? And I don't see that as, oh, now you say it. So now I'm like going like, oh crap. None of them believe I could do anything on my own. But I actually think that it's, it's a lot more of like just, um, being supportive in being there.

I, I don't know. I, it's not, it don't, not really, don't, 

[00:29:54] JoAnn Crohn: don't, let me back it up. It's not really like in our family that we don't think the baby can. More on their own. It's more that the baby feels. That's how we feel. And so everything like that's offered for help, it's like pushback. 

[00:30:05] Brie Tucker: So I will say this, I'm not called the baby, so that does help.

If I get called the baby, I'd be like, 

[00:30:10] JoAnn Crohn: really? I'm just re I'm just not using her name, . 

[00:30:14] Brie Tucker: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I totally get that. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, so, mm-hmm. . Yeah, . That's how it's . My brain has left the building. It's gone. 

[00:30:24] JoAnn Crohn: Woo. I think it's one of those, it's just, it's just one of those vibes. One of those vibes.

Well, remember the best Mom is a happy mom. Take care of you and we'll talk to you later. 

[00:30:32] Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.