No Guilt Mom

How to Stop the Yelling

March 21, 2023 No Guilt Mom, JoAnn Crohn, Brie Tucker Episode 176
No Guilt Mom
How to Stop the Yelling
Show Notes Transcript

We've all done it. Something happens (or sometimes, almost nothing happens) and you end up losing it and you yell with such fury that your voice cracks. We’ve all been there. And often right afterward, we feel ashamed or guilt-stricken that we yelled. 

In this podcast episode, we will share that you aren’t alone and that there are ways to break the habit of yelling, how to be aware of what’s going on around you when you are feeling frustrated and feel that need to yell, strategies that you can use to help you not yell when you’re upset, and finally how to handle things after yelling.

Resources we shared:

Patient Parent Challenge - Join us this April for a month long challenge that will give you the strategies you need to have a calmer and more peaceful home by changing the way you react to your kids' behaviors. 

Balance VIP - Are you stressed out, feeling like you're doing it all on your own? Through personal coaching and accountability, you will break through your overwhelm and follow through with your goals to be the happy mom you were meant to be In this exclusive coaching program for women!

Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges by Dr. Mona Delahooke

Visit No Guilt Mom

Rate & Review the No Guilt Mom Podcast on Apple here. We’d love to hear your thoughts on the podcast!

Download the transcripts HERE

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Transcripts for No Guilt Mom Podcast Episode 176

Please note: Transcripts are created using AI. There may be errors.

[00:00:00] JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn. JoAnn here by my co-host Brie Tucker!

[00:00:07] Brie Tucker: Wow. Hello. Hello, buddy. How are you? It's been, it's been a week. I'm finally able to talk again. It's so nice 

[00:00:14] JoAnn Crohn: you . You are, you have those nice, like up and downs in your voice and the cracks and everything too.

So it, it comes, it comes with territory. 

[00:00:23] Brie Tucker: It's like puberty, the flu, puberty. 

[00:00:27] JoAnn Crohn: I feel like everyone is pretty, he is getting over something these days. There's always something going around. I think guess it's just being around each other again after pandemic quarantine, but, um, I, I think it is. Yeah. But, and something in your voice, however, like.

You can't yell very well, can you? 

[00:00:44] Brie Tucker: No, no, I cannot. , and 

[00:00:47] JoAnn Crohn: that's what we're talking about today. We're talking about how to stop the yelly because it is an impulse in so many of us to just lose it and be like, 

[00:00:59] Brie Tucker: And I . Yeah, that's my go-to. Yeah, we, we both 

[00:01:03] JoAnn Crohn: have plenty of opportunities to do that this week, so we will share that with you and how we kept our cool, our, it's all about a thought process and all about like the time you're given.

So, , let's get on with the show. You want mom life to be easier. Our goal too. Our mission is to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids, and we are going to have fun doing it. We're gonna help you delegate and step back. Each episode will tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process.

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom Podcast.

So keeping your cool not exploding is a really, really hard thing to 

[00:01:56] Brie Tucker: do. Not only is it a hard thing to do, but I think that almost everybody, we all feel guilty when it happens. Like we did, we did something wrong. And I'm not saying that we should be yelling at people all the time, but it's also. Somewhat a, a reaction that we all have it.

Sometimes we all lose our. So you can't beat yourself up every 

[00:02:18] JoAnn Crohn: time. Yeah. And like, I think it's all comes down to a habit. It's a habit right now. If you find yourself yelling, habits can be broken. Habits aren't a personal, like indication of like who you are as a human being. It's just a little habit. And, , it could be kind of stemmed through, through how you think about it and your mindset.

And before we got on today, Brie, you were saying like, how, how you and I. and Miguel are different. 

[00:02:47] Brie Tucker: Yeah, so like it all started with, I had an incident happen last night on the way home from, um, so like Thursdays in our household is like family night, and we typically do like takeout and then do something fun as a family.

And yesterday we had gone to get takeout. It was myself, Miguel, and my, my stepson Haiyan was in the car. And, , we had food for five people. And I was driving and we were driving to pick up my daughter from a friend's house. It's dark, not entirely familiar with my area. So basically I'm on their brakes in front of me, and so I slam on my brakes.

I hear like just sodas everywhere. Like you could literally hear the cups crashing and like the ice flying and I hear my stepson go, oh, should have held on to those. And I'm like, in the car. So like, it, it's just funny because first of all, I, I'm very particular about my. I don't like my car being dirty and, and I think that comes from years of having toddlers, right?

Like they're now teens. Yeah. So I like my car being clean, but I'm sitting there and I told JoAnn like I was saved by the darkness and the fact that I was in the car because I just squeezed that steering wheel super tight. I was so upset and I wanted to be like, what are you doing? But I. , I was able to breathe and calm down and after like about five minutes, I was totally fine.

It's like by the time we got home we were laughing about it, but that wouldn't have been my normal reaction because like you just said, you, JoAnn and my husband have this very calm zen presence and when things go wrong, you both, I have been around the two of you, you both tend to be like, oh, it happens, and then you move on.

You don't raise your voice, you don't snap. But for me, I'm a snapper. I my, yeah, I'm like a little firecracker. I just go, what happened? So I 

[00:04:42] JoAnn Crohn: was like, I was thinking about that and I don't believe it's anything innate within, within me or you. Like, I don't think it's like a hereditary or a genetic thing.

Like you're a yeller. You're not a yeller. And I was trying to think back and I'm like, Why am I not a yeller? People? 

[00:04:58] Brie Tucker: Yeah, people label themselves as like a yeller and that, and that doesn't, and that really isn't true. Like you're saying, it's not really that. 

[00:05:05] JoAnn Crohn: It's not really that, I think it's just how you perceive the situation and what goes down.

Because I, I grew up reading the Babysitter Club books. Did you ever grow up reading that? Yes. 

[00:05:16] Brie Tucker: I had the, and I also did the like, babysitter Club, little Sister series. I like that one too. 

[00:05:21] JoAnn Crohn: Oh, really? Yeah. I never got into those. I got into the super special books where it was like somebody from each P point of view.

Did you read those where they went on a cruise? No. And you're like, please, could I get a babysitting job where they take me on a cruise? That was Oh, 

[00:05:34] Brie Tucker: I know, right. 

[00:05:35] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, that doesn't happen. Yeah. All the things. But in Babysitters club, like one of the things they said is like, they're like, oh, babysitters, like play with the kids.

They don't just like watch TV and they like, they have activities for them. And so I've always gone into working with kids is to be very interactive and then I think. . What also, um, got me is that, first of all, I, I, my parents yelled my dad last is cool all the time. Mostly against my little sister. Like he, she would get them so riled up and she still does Jamie , but I guess , I love her to pieces.

She knows it too. She kind of does it sometimes pushes enough. Oh my gosh. She so riled up and there would be a lot of yelling in my house. A lot. A lot, a lot. And so I became a camp counselor. And as camp counselor you get training. Mm-hmm. , um, you get like a week of pre-camp or whatever. And the person who ran it, her name is Judy, but she went by the name of Big Bird.

And Big Bird was very 

[00:06:34] Brie Tucker: okay. You cannot have a straight face when you're talking about Big Bird. And Big Bird told me, , big Bird told me. Yeah. That, that is a phrase I never thought I would hear from you, JoAnn. I never thought the words and Big Bird would tell me, 

[00:06:47] JoAnn Crohn: I don't think that shit. We, we called her bird.

We were like bird. Um, she was just so great. With the, with planning out this way, like we had a very calm camp. It wasn't about yelling at the kids. I mean, if the kids were standing on the side of the mountain and doing something that might lightly get them hurt, it would 

[00:07:06] Brie Tucker: be like, Hey, like you're allowed to yell.

Then there was no cliff off the side of the mountain. Do you hear me? 

[00:07:14] JoAnn Crohn: But for like. Things they, they were just like not listening or, you know, doing stuff. Kids do. Yeah. We had a lot of strategies that we could fall back on. So yelling wasn't the first strategy to use and yelling was extremely discouraged because it was all about, you know, keeping your cool, being the calm one.

Um, making this a really loving, happy environment, which I think is one of the benefits of camp. You have this loving, happy environment. . And so I, that's how I was introduced to working with kids and then through the years and through things with my sister, I think I've just seen things go horribly wrong, and like, so most stuff doesn't bother me.

For instance, there was, I heard your drink story and immediately I thought at the time, or my dad and my sister were yelling at each other in the car and my mom and I had gotten out and it was, I can't even remember what it was about, but we had just gone to Starbucks. I think my sister. 13, maybe. Um, but my mom and I were opening the door to our house and we heard this yelling in the van, and then all of a sudden, My sister had a vanilla cream frappuccino, a vanilla cream Frappuccino explodes over the front window of the car, like she had gotten so mad.

She threw it, her vanilla cream frappuccino in the car snap and, and my mom and I were like, , 

[00:08:39] Brie Tucker: you like, get in out, get in the house. Lock the door, lock the door, lock the. Next. 

[00:08:45] JoAnn Crohn: And she went and I think, and I think my sister was like, oh my gosh, I'm sorry, . And she like immediately went to the house too. And she, she had to go and clean it up and everything like that.

But that is what I thought about when your drink story happened. Cause I'm like, well it wasn't a vanilla cream frappuccino all over the front window of the car. So we're good. It's all good. We're okay here. 

[00:09:05] Brie Tucker: Yeah, yeah. No, it was, it was. Yeah. It was funny though cause like, so, and I think all of us have that story, right?

Like especially about things being spilled in the car. Yeah. Because as soon as my daughter got in the car and like, and I, she's like, , why is my seat wet? And I'm like, oh, we spilled some drinks. There's a towel. I always carry towels in the car. That's, I still have that from when I had toddlers. There's always towels in the car and I'm like, grab a towel on the.

And she gets in and she starts going like, oh, remember that time I spilled my ocean water in the backseat? Oh, you lost it mom? And she's like telling the story about like when she was like five and spilled a drink in the backseat and how I completely lost my cool and. They always 

[00:09:44] JoAnn Crohn: have such memories of that.

Yeah. And, and I'm like, and it feels like my kids. That sucks. My kids come back to it and she's like, mom, remember when you did this? And I'm like, no, I didn't do that. Sometimes I do feel like I'm being gas lit by my kids, honestly, when it comes to that, because I'm like, you're making me doubt my own reality here.

And I don't think that happened. 

[00:10:02] Brie Tucker: I don't remember. I will tell you I do not remember that. But, , it sounded like me, so I was like, I just sat there for a moment and like as she's talking, still driving home in the dark and I just was. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. And she's like, mm-hmm. , whatever. And it, it's just, it's, it's interesting.

Like we all have those moments where those things happen and they push our buttons. Yeah. Some of us tend to do it more than others. And you know what? I think if you're in a household where it tends to be, and it's funny cuz I, you will be the exception to this analogy, but I think if you're in the household, , you have to speak loudly to be heard.

Hmm. Or, um, where that's just like a normal conversation in the family to have raised voices. I think you might be more apt to go in that direction. Mm-hmm. quicker than others. Again, like you're the, it sounds like you're the exception on this, but I think that a lot of people do tend to kind of just go with what they heard growing up.

And so that's why it continues that way. And that's the interesting part in my family too, because I have a blended. obviously, and my kids are used to me like raising my voice or snapping when I get upset. They also know that within about 30 seconds, there's going to be a, I'm really sorry. Like if that happens, like I, I don't yell all the time, but when I do yell, there tends to be like a repair afterwards.

But my, my husband is not like that at all. So my stepson, like if he hears my voice raise, like he at 22, he physically takes a step back because he's not used to hearing that. and, um, yeah, I think it's just kind. I'm not, that would, 

[00:11:34] JoAnn Crohn: that'd be my kids too. I ask at a louder voice. I'm like, Hey, can you do the dishes, mom, you don't have to yell at me.

I'm like, I'm not yelling. I'm not yelling. . I 

[00:11:42] Brie Tucker: just had to get over the YouTube. 

[00:11:44] JoAnn Crohn: YouTube loud. Yeah. I'm not yelling. I may, I maybe be a little more urgent, but this isn't a yell, but you bring up an interesting point. Like I just, I don't know. Where the yelling comes from, because I, I wanna bottle it. I wanna bottle it and like give it to as many people as possible because like yelling brings a lot of stress, I think to, to the yeller.

It does, because you feel horrible about it if you've lost it. Yeah. Um, and it was say, and normally when you're in 

[00:12:10] Brie Tucker: that moment, right, you feel like mm-hmm. . You're just not even horrible about it. Like you feel like crap in that moment because you're that angry that you're 

[00:12:17] JoAnn Crohn: yelling. Yeah, and I mean, I've experienced that anger for sure.

I have like been so insanely frustrated, like just last week where I went into the kitchen and I gripped the counter and I'm just like, ha. Like, but it wasn't. My kids. I mean, it wasn't to my kids and I don't think they could hear me. It was in a spot where I could just release it and I know I knew I needed to release it.

Yeah. And when I was in that state, I'm like, oh geez, okay. This is telling me I am at my limit. I am at my limit. And that is why I am losing it. Because one of the big things that you pay attention to when you're trying to break the habit of yelling is, , it's about what comes before the yell. It's about what you have basically had to deal with.

Yeah. Before that causes you to be at that point. Because I mean, with the car last night, I mean, you didn't yell. Did you have big stressors that 

[00:13:20] Brie Tucker: day before? Yeah. Well, no. I could definitely tell you the stresses that were happening there. Like I was driving, I didn't know where I was going. Mm-hmm. . and the, the car slamming on the brakes in front of me scared me.

And um, I just, like, I had, I was already at a very heightened spot right there where like my anxiety was all really, really high. So. Mm-hmm. and, and that's just right there. That's not talking about like the rest of the day. Yeah. Honestly, I don't know about the rest of the day. I know I felt like crap cuz I'd still gain over the flu, but I know that those exact moments led up to the reaction that I had.

Like, that's why I wanted to yell cause I was already anxious. It was that. , like think of it like a, a teapot, like where I was already boiling and that steam had to come out and yeah, that's where it would've 

[00:14:05] JoAnn Crohn: come out. . I'm wondering though, because you were able to keep it together in that moment, like you were able to calm down.

So I'm wondering like hypothesizing here, h, arm chiefing, if because you are getting over the flu, that maybe your day went a little bit slower than normal. and like you, even though you were at that heightened state of anxiety, you actually still had stuff left in your tank to keep it under control.

Oh yeah. You're right. It was less stress. Yes, 

[00:14:36] Brie Tucker: I did not. You are 100% right. I can agree with that, that I didn't have a crazy stressful day that would've caused me to uncontrollably snap. Mm-hmm. , I was able to yell in my head, but not in real 

[00:14:46] JoAnn Crohn: life. . Yeah, and I think that's it. I think it's like really paying attention to.

what state you're in and trying to manage that versus trying to stop yelling in the moment because there's no way you can stop yelling in the moment if you don't have anything left. Like Mo Dr. Mona bad calls it the body budget. Like if you or your body budget is over budget, like there's no way you can stop the reaction.

There's no way you can stop the yelling. Yeah, I, I was experiencing that actually this past weekend. We went down to Tucson to visit, , my sister and my nephew and my nephew's three and. Has so much energy, so much energy. He is like, like, and it's like the energy where you're trying to keep him from seriously hurting himself.

Brie, like he will climb up on kitchen counters and like, , chairs and he'll be like rocking back and forth in the chair when he's trying to grab something else. So you're here trying to like get out dinner and he's rocking back and forth and then all of a sudden, like the chair tips backwards and you have to jut out and grab him so he doesn't feel fell down and hit his head.

Oh my gosh. And um, my gosh. and that combined with like him coming just like just on you. Like I was just eating dinner and like he comes and I'm in the corner in my parents' kitchen and you have to like push in chairs to get to that corner. And so like you're trapped in that corner. Yeah. Here comes under the chair.

My three-year-old nephew popping up and I. Hi , and he's like, hi. And he comes up and sits on my lap and then he gets like all of the, like with his hands, his messy hands, and he gets stuff all over me. And like it was so much sensory input to me that I am not adjusted to. Anymore that I was, I, I felt the, like sensations.

I'm like, I can't handle much more of this. Yeah. Without snapping. Like I can't handle it. So like if you're right here, if you have a toddler, if you have a young child and you're given yourself shame for yelling. There's a reason for the yelling, and I'm totally with you there. And of course, of course you're losing your cool, especially if you have a very, very 

[00:17:00] Brie Tucker: active youngster.

Well, and of course you're losing your cool too if it's, if it, if you're being put in an environment that you're not used to anymore. That's the other thing too. Yeah. Like it's, it's harder. It, well, it's harder and it isn't harder. Like I think sometimes I have more patie, like when I would go and work in the classroom.

the preschool classroom. I had so much patience. Oh yeah, me too. Mm-hmm. . Yeah, because I wasn't in that environment all the time. But you're right. Like if I was at home and I had like a kid crawling all over me, I'd probably be like, no. 

[00:17:28] JoAnn Crohn: Oh my gosh. Where that he had this toy called hammy. It's hammy. The hamster.

And what Hammy, the hamster does is imitates everything you say, but at a higher pitch. 

[00:17:39] Brie Tucker: And so , those are cute in the the store, but not in real life. He was 

[00:17:43] JoAnn Crohn: like, hi, hi Hammy. And Hammy would go, hi, hammy. And 

[00:17:47] Brie Tucker: then he'd go, ah, and have me go, ah, oh my God. I'd be like, I'm done. I. 

[00:17:54] JoAnn Crohn: I took Hambi, the Hamster, and I'm like, hammys gonna go in the other room.

Hambi needs to take a nap. Okay, I'm gonna take Hammy to take a nap. And he's like, no, where's Hammy going? And I run into the other room and I put Hammy on top of the refrigerator and I come back to my three year old nephew. I'm like, hammys sleeping right now. He's going and taking a nap. Let's go do something else.


[00:18:14] Brie Tucker: my gosh, 

[00:18:15] JoAnn Crohn: I c Cause I couldn't take it. My sensory overload was too much. I just had to, to make something in that moment. Yeah, so I think, I think it's important to realize. Being aware of everything you're feeling before the yelling incident is actually the key to stopping the yelling is to knowing when you're at that point and finding some way to remove yourself from the situation so that you can calm down 

[00:18:38] Brie Tucker: 100%.

Like, and so those are those moments where it's okay to be like, excuse me, or to just stand there and be quiet and your kids are like trying to get your attention. Be like, Nope. Mm. Nope. Mm-hmm. M m One more minute. One more minute. Like, just take that time. You need to, to do what you need to, to get, like you said, that your body budget back to normal.

Yeah. Normal 

[00:19:05] JoAnn Crohn: level. And it's if you have a parenting partner, like talk, talk with them about being able to tap out because that is something that I have with my husband. Like he taps, he doesn't talk to me about tapping out. That's something he needs to work on. , he just puts his headphones on and that's when I know he's up.

He's like, he's, he's on, he's in his budget and so like I try when he puts his headphones on and he goes to the other room, I try to keep every kid away from him because that's his sign that, okay, I am. I'm gonna blow with me. I go to him and I'm like, I need to tap out and I need you to take this. And he's like, okay,

[00:19:40] Brie Tucker: He goes, that's me too. Like, I will come over and, and just be like, I can't. And he'll be like, I'm on it. I 

[00:19:45] JoAnn Crohn: got it. I'm on it. Yeah, exactly. So being able to, to do that, 

[00:19:50] Brie Tucker: that's a huge one. Yeah. Yeah. So 

[00:19:53] JoAnn Crohn: it comes from before and, and you need to be given time to calm down. Mm-hmm. . But if it does happen, There's one thing you can do and that's repair.

Yeah. And 

[00:20:04] Brie Tucker: everybody can repair. That's the huge thing. This episode is not only about what do you do to stop the yelling, but what do you do once the yelling happens? Because it happens. It's gonna happen. And I think repairing is the best thing that we possibly can do because repairing shows our kids that we are human.

We make. and that we're okay with those mistakes. Mm-hmm. , and that you can make mistakes and that you can re, you know, make amends after those mistakes. I like to say repair better than amends, because most of the time when you yell at somebody, there's been some fracture to the relationship at that exact moment.

A startle, a cry, a hurt feeling, something like that. And just saying like, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to lose my temper. And then like also talking through what I could have done. I could have breathed, I could have told you that I was upset beforehand. 

[00:20:54] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. , that's like one of the most important, the one of the least used ones is to say, when you repair something, it's, I'm sorry, I should have told you I was upset, or I'm sorry, I should have told you this sooner.

Because a lot of times people can. things from happening if they know you're at an agitated state. Yeah. Sometimes I go to my kids and I'm like, Hey, I, I had a really, really stressful day. If you could just help me out and be really kind to me, I would really appreciate it. And they're like, whoa, okay. Okay.

And they like take care of you that way. Yeah. And when you repair, being able to say that to them, I should have told you this because I, I could have relied on you for. , right? I 

[00:21:37] Brie Tucker: mean, cuz wouldn't you love that if your kids had that communication skill back to you? I mean, I'm thinking about all the times when my kid was like school age, like elementary school age.

How helpful it would've been to be like, I had a really hard day at school today and I just really need a snack. I really need a hug. Instead of us having to try to guess what was going on when they were having meltdowns. Or as a teenager when they just growl at me, you know? And I'm like, ah, what happened, , I'm kidding.

They growl at me. They growl at me all the, the time. Okay, sorry, . There's no particular reason I exist. Nah, I'm kidding. sort of. Sorry. 

[00:22:14] JoAnn Crohn: I, I get it, I get it With a teenager sometimes it's, well, I don't say sometimes, but it's always due to something else. Like, yeah, if you have a teenager and they're like being like snippy with you.

Probably not you, it is probably something else that went on in their day. 

[00:22:29] Brie Tucker: Um, or just those lovely hormones, . 

[00:22:32] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. You asking 'em a question at that moment has just put them over the edge. Their body budget is over the edge. Yeah. Um, and like knowing all this about yourself actually helps you be a little bit more compassionate to kids as well.

Yeah. Because a lot of times, like people come to us and they're like, okay, well how, how do we stop the tantrums? How do we. our kids from yelling. And a lot of it is kids don't have as, um, matured. Nervous systems as we as adults have, right? There is a lot that gets to them and a lot that they have no control over.

Especially if, um, your child has a neurodiversity, um, such as autism or a D H D. 

[00:23:19] Brie Tucker: Just sensory 

[00:23:20] JoAnn Crohn: processing, anything along those lines or sensory processing? Yeah, anything. It's like me being followed by hammy, the hamster for like all day. And then I would blow up. Like I would definitely blow up kids. They could have like an interaction with their friends at school.

They could not be dealing with like a sweater that's too scratchy on their skin the entire day. Yep. And their nervous system is, Done and their tantrum just comes out and at that moment it's more about. Knowing that they're dealing with a lot than actually stopping the tantrum, because I think a parent state, we hear a tantrum where we're like, oh my gosh, my kid is gonna be unsuccessful long term.

They're gonna have these, they're not gonna be able to deal with life. You know? You know, our typical refrain, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like kids live in band down by the river. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 

[00:24:13] Brie Tucker: and no friends, nothing because they, they, they blow up too often, but really? Yeah. So we, it's an immature. , 

[00:24:21] JoAnn Crohn: it's an immature skill.

Yeah. And thinking in that moment, instead of how to stop that, if you switch it to, wow, they're going through a lot right now. Yeah. It's gonna calm you down, it's gonna calm your reaction down, and you're gonna be able to think about next steps clearer rather than yelling back. You 

[00:24:39] Brie Tucker: know, another thing that I think is amazing about this is that when you do do this and you talk to your kids and you say things like, even from the, I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean to yell or saying right out the bat, Hey, it's been a rough day. I'm, I'm kind of, I'm kind of raw. If you could just be kind with me and gentle with me for the next couple of hours, that'd be great. Imagine the gift that that gives your kids, because then they're gonna start hearing those things and seeing those things, and they're gonna be like, okay.

I'm gonna be thoughtful about that with other people. And then as they go through in life, they see somebody that's kind of like, seems grumpy. They'll be like, oh, I wonder if they're having a bad day. I'm gonna be kind with them. I'm gonna give them a, cuz they're gonna be more aware of those things. Yes.

And what a phenomenal gift is that. That's a huge gift I would love for my kids to learn. that skill of being more empathetic and being more thoughtful of others and positive communication styles and positive emotional regulation. 

[00:25:38] JoAnn Crohn: So it also gives them a gift of knowing that it's not their fault. Yes.

Like, I mean, how many times have you been around somebody? Mm-hmm. . And you noticed they're irritable and you're like, oh my gosh, they must hate me. Yeah. . 

[00:25:50] Brie Tucker: But it's, or you're mad cause you're like, I didn't do anything. Why they mean so mean to me, and then you're like, oh wait. Yeah, you didn't do anything. They just had a crappy day and didn't sleep last night, and that's why they're creaky.

But yeah. 

[00:26:02] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, to have that be the first thing that goes through your mind versus thinking that it's all your fault and you're a horrible person and nobody likes you. I mean, I would love to give my kids like that gift of confidence because the confidence also breeds the empathy it does for others, like they go hand in hand.

It does. So you're giving them a gift when you tell them you're raw and you need some kindness and gentleness. You don't have to power through it. It's actually better to talk about it versus pretending nothing is wrong. 

[00:26:33] Brie Tucker: Gosh. Okay. I'm feeling very uplifted after this episode. I hope you guys are too uplifted.

I'm feeling my heart is feeling much softer right now. So 

[00:26:42] JoAnn Crohn: it's it, that's what happens. Like you, you become like, oh, they're really going through something hard. Yeah. And your whole demeanor changes versus like feeling like you have to fight it the entire time. Exactly. It's a release. 

[00:26:53] Brie Tucker: Exactly. So don't, don't beat yourself up, people.

You've got this, you've got this. No. And 

[00:26:59] JoAnn Crohn: if, if you feel like you're a yeller, know that it is not ingrained in you. It is just a habit, , that you some tips from this episode. Break it to help you be more mindful of it. And, , we are always here for you. I mean, if you want a community who has your back, our balance program cannot.

Be beat. It's where Brie and I coach you through parenting, through life skills, we make sure that you have something exciting that you're working towards. In addition to having this close and connected relationship with your kids, and you deserve something like this, you deserve it. You deserve to spend time and money on yourself so that you could feel good.

and you have to travel. And we just said like, not 

[00:27:43] Brie Tucker: that investing in yourself and giving yourself that grace only further like enriches everybody else around you. Mm-hmm. , it only further enriches your children, your friends, like everybody who interacts with you. So like we, like we've said, like you are worth it.

Like I, I forget which episode we had it in, but like you are worth the $2 shrimp. You are worth it, man. Yes, 

[00:28:05] JoAnn Crohn: you are worth it. So, , we put a link to our balance membership in the show notes. So go check that out. And until next time, remember the best mom's a happy mom, take care of you. We'll talk to you later.

Thanks for stopping 

[00:28:19] Brie Tucker: by.