Why We Need to Stop Shaming Moms About Their Kids and Phones

This podcast episode was sparked from an email JoAnn wrote about deciding when to give her kid a phone and the response that it got. And boy did it get a BIG response!

Resources We Shared:

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No Guilt Mom Podcast Episode 170 Do you Parent Through Fear?

No Guilt Mom Podcast Episode 149 How to tackle screentime this school year with Devorah Heitner

No Guilt Mom Podcast Episode 109 Listener Questions #3 Screentime Solutions

No Guilt Mom Podcast Episode 81 Screentime- how to handle it?

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Transcript

Transcripts for No Guilt Mom Podcast Ep 177

Transcripts were provided using A.I. There may be some mistakes as a result.

[00:00:00] JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn. Joined here by my co-host of Brie Tucker. 

[00:00:07] Brie Tucker: Wow. Hello. Hello, Everybody. How are you? It's an interesting morning, hasn't it? ? 

[00:00:12] JoAnn Crohn: It's been such an interest. Its like an interesting weekend in general. It's like, it's so crazy and the topic we're talking about today has nothing to do, by the way, with our interesting weekend, but we're gonna share it with you anyways, , uh, 

[00:00:24] Brie Tucker: because that's who we are, that's what we do. We're real. 

[00:00:27] JoAnn Crohn: Yes, for real. Well, it's funny cuz I just wrote an email that went out this morning about my decision to say no to this camping trip. That my, my son and my husband went on the Cub Scout camping trip and it's funny cuz you know a little bit of the fiasco that went down with the camping trip and why, like, I was 

[00:00:43] Brie Tucker: so happy.

I was gonna say, did they even make it to the camping trip after all They did. 

[00:00:48] JoAnn Crohn: Okay, so, so to bring people up to speed the fiasco with the camping trip, it was like a half hour outside of 

[00:00:54] Brie Tucker: Cave Creek. And to give people kind of idea, it's like an hour from your house just to get to Cave Creek. Just to get to, so 

[00:00:59] JoAnn Crohn: it's like an hour?

Hour, yeah. Hour and a half. So, After Cave Creek, they have a half hour drive and they lose signal. So my husband's outdoor coordinator, he got to the campsite, no signal. Found out there was a gate code on the gate to the campsite for the whole Cub scap pack. Didn't have the gate code. Looked over his email.

The email says at the bottom. After all of this other information, must call the office for the gate code. Didn't have a signal, so they had to drive back to Cave Creek. Got to Cave Creek at 4 45, called this office. The office had closed at four 

[00:01:34] Brie Tucker: 30 because it was a Friday that just, it was a 

[00:01:37] JoAnn Crohn: Friday . They had no gate code.

They had to text ever. All the Cubs Scout parents be like, we have no gate code. Well try to find it. We'll, let's see what happens. And so he drove back here where we were drinking margaritas and eating chili, and having a real, 

[00:01:50] Brie Tucker: real good old time. It was a good night. It was a good Friday night. It was a 

[00:01:55] JoAnn Crohn: really good night.

So the office ends up calling him back with the gate code. My husband and son spend the night on Friday and then go back up Saturday morning, like I'm in bed. It's, I think 5 45 in the morning and my husband kisses me goodbye and they go out the door and then they're there the entire weekend. And then they come home.

I find out that the 

[00:02:15] Brie Tucker: gate code was wrong. 

[00:02:18] JoAnn Crohn: No, they got there. The gate code was wrong. And. My husband went through all the combinations to find the correct gate code, and I'm like, how did you do that, Josh? And he's like, you start with 0, 0, 0 1, and then you go up from there and the gate code was 24 24. It took him an hour and a half.

He says hi. Like, when he came home, I was like, I, I had, I, I get tight shoulders and I'm like, Hey Josh, can you, can you rub my shoulders ? Like, he, he seemed fine. He's like, I actually can't cuz my forearm is so sore from doing the gate code . I'm like, oh my gosh. This is a great. Example of why we should not go to things we think we should go to.

Because I 

[00:03:03] Brie Tucker: would've lost, oh my God, yes. Like I've been good weekend. Okay. First of all, Bravo To him like that is an engineer through and through of like, yes, I could figure this sucker out, man. I'll just do all the codes and I'll figure it out. That's an engineer's brain right there. Yeah. Second of all, it is a.

Patient person I had like, so just to give you a little glimpse that we celebrated my son's birthday this weekend, family party on Sunday at my parents' house, and I was in charge of ordering lunch for everybody. So I ordered some pizzas and normally we order Little Caesars and I'll go grab it and bring it over to their house.

But to make my life easier, we ordered, um, like delivery and instead it'd be there 30 minutes. 30 minutes, go by, get a text. Oh, it's taking us more time. We'll get it too soon as we can. An hour goes by still no food. And we didn't have a, I've had that with pizza , right? Like we didn't have a ton of time, like at our family in particular, like my husband and my kids and I, we had a lot of things we had to get done.

So I wasn't planning on being there for more than like two hours, which is a short get together for my family. And I'm like, okay, we're not gonna get food by. This is just messing up everything. So I called the pizza place and I would say long story short, but this already is a long story. Uh, they were like, no, we don't have your pizza order until another hour and a half to be done.

And I'm like, I can show you my screenshot that says that it was supposed to be done. half an hour ago, and that you guys sent me a text saying that it wasn't ready. He's like, well, I don't believe you, ma'am. That's not what my screen says. Oh, I lost it. I lost it. Oh my God. My whole family heard me say a few choice things that I probably shouldn't have said.

And then the man was like, I was like, well, you need to cancel order. And he goes, fine, and, and he's like, it's canceled. And I go, Okay, well what is your name? And he hung up on me. He hung up on me. , 

[00:04:46] JoAnn Crohn: I don't, I'm not surprised, 

[00:04:47] Brie Tucker: but , my husband, like, I came over and he's all like, it's okay. He's like patting my head, oh my god, it's okay.

But my whole family's like, it's okay, Brie. It's okay. We'll just eat cake. We'll just eat cake. It's all good. Oh, 

[00:05:00] JoAnn Crohn: I'm so sorry. And to mess with you when you're hungry. That's 

[00:05:03] Brie Tucker: horrible. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not nice when I'm hungry, but yeah, so it just, I, that's my, my example of patient. Versus inpatient person.

I'm an impatient person. ? No, 

[00:05:14] JoAnn Crohn: I don't think you're impatient. I think that like it, you were hungry and he to like blatantly disrespected you. Like in that kind of situation. I think anyone would've had the same or similar reaction. Like my husband, he was alone in the forest , but what was he gonna do? Like it was, but uh, speaking of, we we're talking today about giving kids devices and giving.

Cell phones because this is such a hot topic. 

[00:05:44] Brie Tucker: Oh my goodness. It is. And I'm so glad we're recording this. We had an incident and I'm like, we have to record about this, Joanne. We have to . 

[00:05:52] JoAnn Crohn: Yes. So here we go. You want mom life to be easier. That's our goal too. Our mission is to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids, and we are going to have fun.

We're gonna help you delegate and step back. Each episode will tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process. Welcome to The No Guilt Mom Podcast.

So a few weeks ago I sent out an email about our choice to give my son a phone and it. It brought a lot of heated discussion in like to say it lightly . 

[00:06:42] Brie Tucker: Yeah, like I have, like, I'm looking at my screen here. I have our email open with all of the responses back to your email that said How young is too young for a phone and Wow, there was a lot of people with a strong opinion about.

Very 

[00:06:58] JoAnn Crohn: strong opinion about it. And I made a reel too on Instagram about it and like the, the judgment that comes in so fast against parents without any conversation, without any like a, any interest at all in anyone else's. And I think it's just our digital age too. Like we take things snap judgment and we just hit reply and send and bam, without even knowing or think.

About other possible explanations or reasons, but that's just me and my pride also saying it. Because I mean, when those things come out, it's hard to take when people personally attack you and your parenting decisions. 

[00:07:39] Brie Tucker: Oh yeah, 100%. And we have that culture going on right now where everybody judges everybody on what they're doing.

But, and I, and I feel. While I am somewhat biased towards you, , because we have the same, we have a lot of similar thought processes on things and you know, you are my, one of my very best friends in the whole world. You are no guilt mom. I still felt like when I read your email that like had people read it, like actually Reddit, the, the arguments that they brought back.

I'm like, did you read the email? Do you know what we do here at no guilt? So, yeah, I think there's like one or two emails I'd like to just read snippets 

[00:08:21] JoAnn Crohn: from. Oh yeah. They're already up on reels and Instagram, so Yeah. With names deleted and everything like that, but, right. Yeah. So like 

[00:08:28] Brie Tucker: I, I'd like to point out like, so the email was about how your son is nine, right?

And you guys were wrestling with the idea of whether or not to give him a phone. . 

[00:08:36] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. I was very, I was kind of hesitant about it. And my husband came in and we had an old phone, like this wasn't a phone that we bought, like it was an old phone. And he's like, yeah, we could get this set up for him right now.

Let's do it. Bam. Here's a phone, . And I'm like, whoa, 

[00:08:54] Brie Tucker: now whoa, Nelly, let's slow this up a tiny bit. . But 

[00:08:58] JoAnn Crohn: ultimately, ultimately, uh, I did see the reasoning behind. . Yeah. And I, and I agreed. Well, and 

[00:09:04] Brie Tucker: what you said though too in your email, was that the benefits of teaching your child how to use the digital technology outweighed the drawbacks.

Mm-hmm. , and I think that was the big part that a lot of people were talk that were missing. Like, and one piece that you said in here was that, There is so much fear because we don't know yet the effects of, you know, technology on young minds, which also can be said. Um, but it's also said about books and printing press when it first arrived on the scene.

Same I think with radios as 

[00:09:34] JoAnn Crohn: well, which is fact. There's a lot of things that Right. Was big controversy when they were first 

[00:09:39] Brie Tucker: invented. Yes. , but this is something that you and I have talked about recently too. We did a whole podcast on parenting and fear, and so the next thing you said on your email was, instead of letting fear lead your parenting, what would it look like if you trusted your own sound decisions?

Blocked out all the scared voices of the naysayers that are, that are not in your current situation, your life, your shoes. Mm-hmm. . And that is what people missed, I 

[00:10:05] JoAnn Crohn: feel like. Well, yeah. . I just don't think that they're, sometimes there's not a, I don't know the word, like people can't put themselves in other people's shoes.

like, like there's many people who can't put themselves in other people's shoes. They think that their reality is the only reality there is, especially when you're not exposed to many different viewpoints on a regular basis. Let's just say that. I 

[00:10:32] Brie Tucker: would say that's 

[00:10:33] JoAnn Crohn: true. Yeah. And. It's so interesting because like the biggest thing that got to me with the whole, uh, first of all, when I wrote the email, I knew there was gonna be pushback.

I knew it. I, I know this is a hot button issue, , and I think it's really important to discuss it and I think it's really important to, to talk about it more because the only guidance we really get as parents is either like, just don't let them have a phone, delete all. Or put monitoring systems on your kids, lock them out of certain programs and as, as long as you put this certain program on and monitor it, you'll be fine.

Mm-hmm. and I have to say that is complete bs. Kids can get around programs, kids can get around locks, kids can get around whatever they want. They're very intelligent and smart. . Very intelligent and smart. So like as much as we try to block our kids from the internet or prevent them from having a phone, they're gonna get there.

Same about drinking, uh, like everything . Yeah. And 

[00:11:34] Brie Tucker: I would, I would argue that Okay. if your fear is like what they're going to get on the phone, on the internet. Yes. You can put, like you just said, all of these monitoring apps on, you can have a lot of rules within your household. Um, you can be checking the phone all the time and yes, that significantly decreases the chance that they will be able to see things that you don't want them to see on the device that you have given.

ignoring all the other devices out there in the world owned by their friends or at school or anywhere else. Mm-hmm. . Um, but that is not a reality that everybody can achieve nor would be happy in where your whole, like, that takes up a significant amount of your time and your mental load to constantly be concerned and worried about and monitoring your what if you have multiple.

are doing. Like, I, I can say personally from my experience and my husband would 100% agree with this. My, my husband raised had a singleton and I have two, and two is by no means a ton, but there are a lot of things with parenting that he tries to like, that he has. I I'll say to him like, oh, well what did you do with your son when he was this age and this happened?

And he'd be like, well, this, this didn't happen cause I only had one. There's a lot of things that, like you just said, like if you. Put yourself in somebody else's shoes. You don't understand how the situa even the, even the slightest thing is having like what extra kid, how that can change things. And in my scenario,

I not only have two kids, they have two different households and we have two different ways of parenting. So it's almost imp. And you know, we've had some struggles with technology in our household with one of my kiddos and it has been almost impossible to keep that under wrapped. And we have like our Apple phone, we have the parental controls and everything, but it's.

they still find a way around it. 

[00:13:26] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, because I think we've fed, we've been fed a lie that if we're on top of it, these things won't happen. Yes. Like it's a lie because if you're on top, if these things happen, it doesn't mean that you're not on top of it. It means your kid is curious and intelligent and smart, and they are gonna find a way to do what they wanna do and.

This way of parenting isn't the way. Oh, I was watching Mandalorian. This is the way that, this is not the way , this is not the way because. Rules are meant to be broken. As a rule breaker myself, I know it like , I will find a way around any, any ridiculous, silly rule that is put in place because I'm like, I don't see the benefit in that for myself, nor do I see the benefit in society.

I'm just not gonna listen. I'm gonna go over here and do my own thing. You and my daughter, and I think a lot of you and my daughter. Yeah, well, I think a lot of people are like that. And so the only way through is really frank discussions and educat. Education is the only thing because people, they do do stuff that is not in their best interest, but they're more likely to not do stuff if they know what might happen and if they are talked.

like if it's talked about in a way that isn't meant as a scare tactic to kids, but it's like, hey, you know, just be aware of this going on and this, be aware of this going on, but we don't know what to talk about if the kids never experience it, nor if the kids never come to us. 

[00:14:51] Brie Tucker: So, okay. So I 100% agree on that.

I wanna share like a couple of lines of just a few things that people had to say so you can understand where our perspective is coming from. So like one of the emails we got back was, I bet you get a ton of comments on this phone idea, email. My guess is that your nine year old is your first and your oldest.

Therefore, you're a bit naive as to knowing what happens when you, when you give a phone to a child. We do know what happens in all caps. It has happened to us in all caps because I was naive and I gave my child a phone. We got burned. I was naive and desperate for Protectivity. Okay. Not what we said in the email,

[00:15:29] JoAnn Crohn: Well, but, but there's so much in there. First of all, sh uh, there's a lot of shaming of herself in there that she is blaming herself for what happened with her teenager. And it's not that at all, like, it, it's not naivete like it's. It's not that . And it's so funny that she said that because obviously it's not, it's my second and actually my oldest was really mad at us that we gave him a phone cuz she's like, well I didn't get one until I was like 12, but.

It's, it, it just goes back to it being such this misunderstood process that we're b we're blaming ourselves for our kids curiosity and transgressions, rather than turning it into learning experiences both for ourselves and for our kids. Um, get getting to know our kids and also like telling them like, Hey, this may hurt you in the future.

The, the ni the naive thing and the desperate proof productivity. What I wrote in the email was, uh, my son's has a lot of friends that he talks to on text. Mm-hmm. , um, it's friends I all know in person. I know their parents, like they're all approved people. , 

[00:16:38] Brie Tucker: let's also throw in that that kind of communication has like, become so much more popular post.

Yeah. Because for a couple of years that was how they got to stay connected with their friends at a younger age than our older kids did. 

[00:16:54] JoAnn Crohn: Exactly right. And he, his friends were calling my cell phone every day when after school, because they get on and they get on FaceTime with each other, and then they play Roblox at the same time and they're talking while they're in the game.

Yep. Which is great. It's great. He's being social, he's talking, he's, you know, it's all wonderful. But I was trying to work during that time and that phone was going off every like 20 seconds sometimes for me, and I would hang up and then they would ring in again and . That was just one example of like the little mini annoyance.

But some other factors at play is when you have a younger child and every other person in the house has a phone and a mobile device, and they're able to keep in touch with each other when they're away. Like we have a family group chat so that we're able to talk to each other if my husband and I are out on a date and they're like at their nana's house, like I'm able to talk to my daughter.

That kind of thing. Yeah. He didn't have that. He had no way to contact us at all. And so he, he was getting, you know, I wouldn't give him to him when he was six, but now he was getting to an age and based on his personal maturity level, we're like, okay, well maybe it. It's time and he's also very independent and he likes to ride his bike around the neighborhood and go ride his bike to school.

And he wanted, the thing that's stopping him right now from riding his bike to school is he's afraid that if something happens, he had no idea how to contact us and. While, like when we were kids, we would just rely on other people. I think people are so stuck in their digital devices right now that I don't know if that would 

[00:18:26] Brie Tucker: be Oh yeah.

I don't think the world is the same necessarily. I don't think it is. 

[00:18:31] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. But I, so I, yeah. I mean, how it, it could be that way. It could not be that way. But in my thinking, I was like, okay, well it makes sense for that too, just in case. Like he has a flat tire, he could just call me and I could pick him up or, well, whatever.

Yeah. 

[00:18:46] Brie Tucker: And, and I do think that, so like that naive re, so the response I read was mm-hmm. a similar. Feeling that we got a lot on social media and from other moms. A lot of, in my personal opinion, I saw a lot of name calling. Oh, there a lot 

[00:19:01] JoAnn Crohn: of name calling. Putting down there was a lot of, um, ridiculous. Like, you're ridiculous or rubbish.

Pathetic. Rub. Pathetic was a word. Rubbish. 

[00:19:09] Brie Tucker: Yes. Yes. Rubbish. Mm-hmm. , you write rubbish. Um, yeah. And it's just, again, it came down to like, okay, first of. First of all, in the email, you've talked about the fact that you're not just blindly handing your son the phone, and that's not your philosophy. Your philosophy is, like you said, education.

It's education to teach our kids how to handle this because nobody can just hand, okay, how do I say this? Like 

[00:19:32] JoAnn Crohn: there's no cut age where you can just hand over the phone and everything will be fine. Like there's nothing. Yes. 

[00:19:39] Brie Tucker: Like you could say that about alcohol. You could say that about, about sex. Like there's so many experiences that our kids have that if we just.

Push them into it with absolutely no education, no conversations about it. No, nothing. Mm-hmm it is going to end very badly because there 

[00:19:57] JoAnn Crohn: are a lot. Yeah, yeah. And, and you bring up the alcohol cuz there was one comment about, it's like giving your kid a beer. And I'm like, no, it's not 

[00:20:05] Brie Tucker: like giving your kid a beer, beer.

I'm not giving my nine year old a appear. It's not the sex or sex. They said sex too, too. No, it's not like this 

[00:20:11] JoAnn Crohn: is so incomparable. So on the phone, by the way, the way I ha the way we've controlled it right now is he is only able to contact people in his approved contacts from us, which is, you know, we talk with him about it.

It's not like a set rule, but he's, he's not interested in contacting anyone else. Like I watch him. I watch him on the phone, I watch, I, I look at his phone, I know the password. I could just, I open it up occasionally, just look through. Yeah. He knows I do this. And, um, he has no social media apps. He's not allowed to download any apps without our password and permission.

Mm-hmm. , he does not know the passwords. We've checked that. Yeah. And. It's like . It's, it's, it's locked down to the extent we can now, obviously it's a lot of conversations from here on out. Like when he's on his phone, I'm like, Hey, like, like, what's you doing on there? And what's going on on there? And I'm, I'm constantly wondering and curious and watching and I'm not just like giving it to him and be like, have free at.

No, I'm still concerned. I'm still looking. And when you talk about giving a kid a beer, that's not appropriate for children , like at 

[00:21:20] Brie Tucker: all. That is, that is physically altering, mind altering, and we're not saying Yeah, that technology doesn't have the ability to have some mind altering. That is one of the research that is, that is some of the research that is out there.

[00:21:32] JoAnn Crohn: but specifically with social media? Yes. Specifically with social media, yes. 

[00:21:36] Brie Tucker: Mm-hmm. . And the other thing to bear in mind is to feel like we can actually, as parents, and I, and I, I'm going to like give a little example here with this, but to feel like we as parents actually can, can keep our kids from technology.

Keeping them like, cuz there's that whole, there's a, I remember when my kids were little, it was like, keep them screen free until they were two and Okay, I got teenagers now, so. I, I, I kind of get that. Um, nowadays that's like impossible. And the same for my teens. Like when my son, who's now a sophomore went to high school as a freshman, , he had to have his phone.

Like we went back and forth about this and I'm like, I don't think you should have your phone at school. After the first day, my son was like, okay, well mom, I need my phone. Because at least in three classes they needed us to get online. Yeah. And they didn't have laptops for us yet, so they told us to use our digital devices and I didn't have anything and, and you know, I could my kid be lying?

Sure he could. But that kid, no, that kid wasn't lying cuz he doesn't like his phone anyways, so he was not, but that's my point is, They're using technology more and more in everyday life for our kids. I mean, you can't, half of the restaurants I go to if I didn't have a phone, I can't get a freaking menu.

Like, and, and I'm not ha complaining about that. I'm just pointing out that technology is there. We need to give our kids the education that we can help guide them and teach them how to use it so that when they do. Yeah, get to an age where, you know, let's say the social media comes rolling in and everybody's talking on TikTok or Snapchat or whatever it is that, that they're using, that our kids have some idea of 

[00:23:14] JoAnn Crohn: healthy.

Digital 

[00:23:16] Brie Tucker: habits for a healthy digital 

[00:23:18] JoAnn Crohn: lifestyle. Yes. And there's so much to take into account for healthy digital abbot habits. Yeah. Yes. There are like dangerous ways people can contact you on the internet, uh, chat forums like Reddit in particular, or discord. . Mm-hmm. , our kid, like he has been asking to be on Discord, and we're like, mm, hell no.

No . That's not happening. Anytime in the near future. And he's like, that, you're not ready for me. YouTuber friends, yeah. Are, are like, all these YouTubers wanted me to enter contests. We're like, Hmm, no. And we tell him why. We're like, it is so. Unregulated. There are no rules there. Anyone can contact you.

Anyone can post anything they want. There is no like, it's just not a great environment for you right now. Yeah, and it's like a hard line and that's 

[00:24:05] Brie Tucker: part of it, right? Yeah. That's part of you guys teaching him why this isn't okay. Why this is. . Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And, and giving him the ability too, to get used to things.

Like it's, uh, I don't know. I feel like there's a learning curve trying to figure out how to work things, especially on phones, touchscreen devices. Like there is a learning curve that kids need to Kids 

[00:24:26] JoAnn Crohn: pick. Kids pick that one up pretty fast. They do like they do. Okay. It's funny, like, I'm using my device and I'm like, I'm posting to Instagram.

She's like, mom, my daughter, mom, you know, you don't have to push all those buttons. You could just push that button right there. And I'm like, life 

[00:24:39] Brie Tucker: changed. She just told me something about my phone. Funny story to share with that. Uh, just recently when I was on our vacation in Mexico, we were on the boat and the, one of the guys on the boat was taking scenic.

He was like, hand me your, your phone, and was taking scenic pictures. And he's like, now you share your phone with other people. And I'm like, okay, I, I can do that. And I'm like, who has Apple? I can do air. Like three people raised their hand and I'm like, okay, turn on your thing. And they all looked at each other and was like, how do we do that?

And then like two of 'em, their teens were like, give me the phone. Dad. . They did it because they were asking me. And I'm like, I'll be honest with you. I don't know how to tell you to turn on your airdrop. I mic's just, mic's just on. I don't know. Yeah. . 

[00:25:21] JoAnn Crohn: Well, because here's the fear. Kids have no fear. Not, not the fear, but here's the thing, kids have no fear of technology.

They grew up with it. Well, and, and to learn it, you, you need to have no fear of it. You need to like, be willing to experiment and be willing to like po potentially break things because the break things are never that bad. Um, like I feel like I'm, I'm rare, like not too rare, but like among typical like, but in teaching, for instance, in education, I was always the tech person.

I'm the person you come to with tech issues or. Around some of my entrepreneur friends come to me with the tech issues. They wanna know my automations, they wanna know everything. Uh, you 

[00:25:59] Brie Tucker: speak on tech issues at several conferences, ? Yes. 

[00:26:03] JoAnn Crohn: I, I grew up with it. My dad was a computer science teacher in a high school.

I constantly had computers in my house and I was, you know, online i o and like I had it all right from the beginning, you know? Yeah. And so I've never viewed tech as a scary thing. I've. Think that other people view tech as a really scary thing. And I think that that is what a lot of the mom shaming is coming from right now in society is that, uh, people are just scared.

They're scared of something getting to their kids and they're scared of something happening. And all of that anxiety, the kids feel it. And then they don't come and tell us when things actually are happening. Whereas with phone usage and stuff, the, and everything, any topic, let's say alcohol. Let's say sex, let's say drugs, everything.

Um, it's something that. We have to be aware of our own fears and then we have to bring up the conversation Yeah. For it and teach about it in appropriate 

[00:27:05] Brie Tucker: ways. So one thing you said that I could see being taken out of context, so I'm gonna throw this out there right now. Mm-hmm. . So when you said that kids are fearless of technology and that they, that you need to, to not have fear, that is different from being aware and cautious of.

The dangers of using technology, those are not one in the same. And I feel like that's where some of that judging comes from. That 

[00:27:31] JoAnn Crohn: people are right. Yes. Think of it like as watching a spy thriller or like anyone who works in like the poli law, law enforcement mm-hmm. or whatever. They are aware of the dangerous situations that they are going into, and they are trained for it, and they're educated for it, but they are not afraid of it because fear makes you act in a very erratic, unpredictable, illogical manner, like when you're hangry.

Like when you're hangry, like when you're hangry and cuss out the pizza . 

[00:28:04] Brie Tucker: Ok. I didn't cuss them out, but I did my voice. I know it was not nice. I was not professional, not my best boss. I never cussed out anyone, ever. Oh, I have before, but not that type. I 

[00:28:17] JoAnn Crohn: may yell some choice words, but, uh, but regardless, like being afraid.

Not great. Yeah. Being aware and cautious and concerned and really educated about the terrain you're going into and confident. Mm-hmm. That if something were to come up, you would be able to problem solve to get yourself out of it or to like help everyone in it. That is where I want parents to be. I don't want them to be afraid.

[00:28:40] Brie Tucker: Yeah. Being aware. and working through it. Yeah, because like we had in our, our previous podcast episode, which I wish I had in front of me, but it's gonna be a link to it here in the show notes. You can't, the, the negative effects of parenting through fear. are so large, like, and the fact that it can just trickle off, like you said, like that fear goes into your kids and the fact that it keeps them from having the ability to work through, like you, you've, everything you've said on this episode that that fact that it keeps them from being able to problem solve and work through the challenges because guess what?

We're not always gonna be there. We are. There is no matter how involved of a parent you are, there is no way you're gonna always be there for your kid and you're not supposed to. They need to live their own lives. Yeah. They need to be able to experience things. They need to experience failures. They need, like you said, they need things to break.

So that they can figure out how to fix them. Exactly. Thank you. And we're not saying like they need to be able, they, they need to be like, you know, have a predator, find them online to figure out what to do. We're not saying that, but you could 

[00:29:41] JoAnn Crohn: protect and 

[00:29:41] Brie Tucker: be aware against that. Yes. But you have mm-hmm. , but they have to be able to experience it because other that not, sorry, not experience it.

That came out wrong. . We have to be able to experience technology to be able to move forward and. What is no guilt Mom, about? We are about embracing and supporting everybody, giving you the information that, that, that we, that is available. Yeah. And trying to support you because we know that we can't, we don't know every situation.

We don't know what you're faced with every day. 

[00:30:11] JoAnn Crohn: But I can't, I can't tell you. Like, chaos and fear is not a good thing. Yeah. 

[00:30:15] Brie Tucker: Yeah. Mm-hmm. . So why not support one another? Why? Be able to say like, okay, you're stuck in a rough spot. You got crappy choice A or crappy choice B. Let's help you come up with the best option you can with those two.

Yeah. You know? 

[00:30:30] JoAnn Crohn: Which is something that we do a lot in our balance community. We do. Yeah, we do. They're, they're all there for each other. All the women in there support and love each other with none of this mom shaming going 

[00:30:40] Brie Tucker: on because there's enough mom shaming in our brains. There's enough of that in there that tells us that we're screwing up and we're doing it all wrong.

We don't need other people to tell us, oh yeah, you suck on top of it. Oh 

[00:30:50] JoAnn Crohn: yeah. Like I feel like we tell ourselves our, we suck on a daily basis that trying to get out of it. Yeah, exactly. So we hope you took something from this episode in the sense of going away from fear and going more towards education.

And you may disagree with us on giving kids devices and that just. Totally. Okay. 100%. You do what works for you. But if you're one of those people on the fence who's holding off for an arbitrary number, I encourage you to go come forward, research it a little bit, talk with other moms. A lot of moms are hiding what they're doing with technology because they're afraid of being.

Publicly shamed for it. So know that you are not alone out there. 

[00:31:31] Brie Tucker: Oh, and you know what? Check out our, our show notes. I'm gonna put the links to every episode that we have that talks about screen tech, cuz we have quite a few. Mm-hmm. . So, and we have some more coming up soon too. 

[00:31:42] JoAnn Crohn: And we do. So remember the best Mom's a happy mom.

Take care of you. We'll talk to you later. 

[00:31:46] Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.