No Guilt Mom

4 Tips to Stop the Technology Tantrums

April 25, 2023 No Guilt Mom, JoAnn Crohn, Brie Tucker Episode 181
No Guilt Mom
4 Tips to Stop the Technology Tantrums
Show Notes Transcript

We know that there's a lot that we're up against as parents. We know that game technology, and a lot of the apps on phones and on-screen devices are created in a certain manner to get you to be addicted and to want to do it over and over again. But regardless, we have to be able to extract from it in some way, shape, or form. 

In this episode of the No Guilt Mom podcast, you’ll learn:

  • Your child’s tantrum when you take away technology might not be caused by an addiction to their iPad, phone, etc. 
  • Why you shouldn’t take on everybody else's judgment because you're trying to enforce your family’s boundaries
  • How to have a discussion with your kids and agree on the limits together. 

Resources we shared in this episode: 

Digital Detox Challenge- Join us this May for a 30 day digital detox challenge that will give you the strategies you need to take a break from technology and your phone.

Balance VIP- Join us for our upcoming digital detox!! Are you stressed out, feeling like you're doing it all on your own? Through personal coaching and accountability, you will break through your overwhelm and follow through with your goals to be the happy mom you were meant to be In this exclusive coaching program for women!

Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto by Tricia Hersey

Visit No Guilt Mom

Rate & Review the No Guilt Mom Podcast on Apple here. We’d love to hear your thoughts on the podcast! Listen on Spotify? You can rate us there too!

Download the transcripts HERE

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No Guilt Mom Podcast Episode 181 

Transcripts were provided using A.I. There may be some mistakes as a result.

[00:00:00] JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to The No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn. Joined here by my co-host, Brie Tucker. 

[00:00:06] Brie Tucker: Why? Hello hello everybody. How are you? 

[00:00:10] JoAnn Crohn: We are talking about something a little fiery this morning. It has to deal with tech and stopping those technology tantrums at home, but the tech issue. People in society for some reason.

[00:00:26] Brie Tucker: Well, I, and it does. It does. And I think part of the big thing on it, like we talked about it a little bit back when you had done an email about giving your son a phone. Yeah. People feel very passionately about it one way or another. But I think there's one thing that no matter which side of tech, Hmm, I don't wanna say argument, but which side of the, the tech world you're on, either like, it's okay for kids to have screens or it's not okay for them to ever have screens.

Everybody has tantrums. Everybody has the tech tantrums within their household at some point. You gotta say that it's time to stop using time to stop being on YouTube and stop playing video games, whatever. And there is going to be someone that's gonna be like, no, no. Got my hearts ripped out. 

[00:01:11] JoAnn Crohn: If you had to take away my cell phone, oh my gosh, I would be so mad.

Like, could you think about, think about it like you're here, you're going through Instagram and all of a sudden someone's like, okay, your time's up. Hand it over. Be like, woo. There was like, Video I was watching of this dog and he like, 

[00:01:29] Brie Tucker: how'd you know what I'm doing on my Instagram? What? What? No, no. 

[00:01:34] JoAnn Crohn: That's what I do on my Instagram all the time.

[00:01:36] Brie Tucker: I jest. We all know all that Brie looks at on the internet or our funny videos of cats and dogs. That's what I do 

[00:01:42] JoAnn Crohn: oh my gosh. I have to tell you an account. Then it's Harvey the rescue. You should go and look at this account, Harvey, the Rescue. And I love it because it looks like my dog. He looks like my old dog, Lily, but he Aww, definitely has the personality of Addie.

And so like, I just love watching it. But she posts the cutest videos of him just being adorable. Like I'm pretty sure he's a Staffie. She says he's a pit bull. I think she, he's a staffie. He looks exactly like my dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Just, just a quick shout out there because it's squirrel, shiny object, squirrel girl.

It's what we are all about here at no guilt, mom. 

[00:02:17] Brie Tucker: Well, okay. If we're gonna, if we're gonna share one, then I personally, I like Tatum. Uh, Tatum. Tatum is on. Tatum is on TikTok. It's the dog. Oh. It's like with the bow tie. I like Tatum. Tatum funny. Oh, is it a little dog? Tatum wants his nuggets. No, no, he's a bigger one.

I wanna say that he's also like a pit mix. But anyway, regardless. I love Tatum. Tatum is, is hilarious as well. 

[00:02:41] JoAnn Crohn: But it's, it's good to note because we adults, we also have the technology addictions too, and they serve as entertainment, but, They get a little too much. There's times where I've been pulled into my phone and 45 minutes passes that I said I would do something else during that time.

And I look back and I'm like, well, crap. And it comes to a point where you just want the phone not to have as much control over 


Right. And I think that's what we want for our kids too. We don't want our kids to be controlled by the phone. We want them to have the control over. 

[00:03:17] Brie Tucker: Right. And we know that there's a lot that we're up against as parents.

We know that games, technology, a lot of the apps on phones and on-screen devices are created in a certain manner to get you to be addicted and to, to want to do it over and over again. But regardless, we have to be able to, to extract from it in some way, shape, or form. Okay? So, yep, that's 

[00:03:41] JoAnn Crohn: what we're hoping to.

Yeah. And in our balance membership this coming up, you're doing a digital detox, something for parents and for kids. And don't worry, we're not gonna ask you to like, give up all your tech devices. It's more of a let's scale back, let's become more intentional, let's gain back the control we have of our time and see what else opens up in that time as well.

So look for that. We have a link in the show notes, to join that, and we're gonna let you know. Stop those technology tantrums at home in this episode. So let's get on with the show.

You want mom life to be easier. That's our goal too. Our mission is to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids. And we are going to have fun doing it. We're gonna help you delegate and step back. Each episode will tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process.

Welcome to The No Guilt Mom podcast.

[00:04:53] Brie Tucker: Okay, so here's the problem that I'm just gonna say that, that we pretty much all have, you've established screen time boundaries or household rules in your, in your family, right? Everybody knows them yet. It feels like every time that you have to tell your kids it's time to either shut off the video games, turn off YouTube, put down their.

Everybody starts whining and crying. They tell you that you're lame. Oh, so-and-so's parents, don't make me do this. That's a big one I get from my teen, but so-and-so's parents don't do that kinda stuff. Or even worse yet that this is a lot of times with like, I see a lot with the younger kids. You get full out tantrums.

We're talking screaming, we're talking crying, we're talking, throwing stuff, and it's just like what is happening? 

[00:05:41] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, and I think that a lot of people like see the tantrums and they're like, oh my gosh, my kids are addicted. They're addicted to technology. Oh, yeah. That's why these tantrums are happening, and we're here to tell you, Ooh, that's not really the whole issue going on.

Like it's a typical, it's not necessarily, yeah, 

it's not necessarily a what, not necessarily. Yeah, it's, and you're not alone. It's full child behavior and you're not alone. Exactly. Like it's something that whenever kids are asked to do something that they don't wanna do, they're gonna, they're gonna have a tantrum, they're gonna have a fight.

But technology seems to be a really, really sticking point in a lot of households because one, we have this pressure that too much screen time is bad. Mm-hmm. And somehow it is our failings as moms in particular, if we let our kids have too much screen, 

[00:06:25] Brie Tucker: Well, yeah, because, okay, well first of all, if you have anybody in your life that says that they have the perfect screen time system set up and their kids never complain. That is suss right there. I don't trust. Yeah. 

[00:06:37] JoAnn Crohn: That is that that person, that's not happening. 

[00:06:40] Brie Tucker: Yeah. I don't trust them that every time without fail, their kids are happily like, what time to put on your phone? Okay mother. Here you go. 

[00:06:48] JoAnn Crohn: Go here.

Here you go. May I go clean the kitchen now? 

[00:06:53] Brie Tucker: Yes. Yes. Would you like us to go dance through the hills and sing us all? Like no, that doesn't really forgot that it's pic. Yes, that is sus right there. And second of all, like you said, like as moms and now I, I will admit, all caretakers do deal with it. 100% deal with kids being upset when a, a rule is enforced or a boundary is enforced, that, that the child doesn't wanna have necessarily enforced, but mobs often bear the brunt of it because of the fact that.

We're often the main caregiver. We're often the, the default parent. We're the ones that are around the kids. 

[00:07:30] JoAnn Crohn: The she-fault parent. Mm-hmm. Ooh. As Eve Rodsky likes to say that's from Eve Rodsky. She default parent. 

[00:07:35] Brie Tucker: Mm-hmm. I like that. The she default parent because like we're often the main caretakers, so we're the ones that have to face it the most, which I think is what gives us sometimes this unfair thought process of "Bob".. We've talked about that before, like that voice in our head that says, oh, you're screwing this up because blah, blah, blah. Or even worse yet, and this is the one that happens and I hate it. Somebody else chimes in. So like maybe you're trying to take away screens, whatever, right?

Grandma and grandpa are there, or your, your parenting partner is there, or your sister who doesn't quite have kids yet or has kids, but like in a different age group. And they all like to say like, whoa, geez, my kids don't do that. Or Your kids shouldn't be doing that right now. They really shouldn't be.

You know why they're acting like that? Because they're addicted, because you're doing that wrong. Or let 

[00:08:24] JoAnn Crohn: them have, let, or, here's another one. Let them have their screen time. They're only kids. What's it gonna do? Like just goes against you in any way regarding it? 

Yes. Yeah. Yes. Right There we call BS on that situation.

[00:08:37] Brie Tucker: That is, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and no. It is not fair that you take on everybody else's judgment because you're trying to. Enforce enforce the yeah. Healthy boundaries that your family has set aside for screen time. So yeah, 

[00:08:55] JoAnn Crohn: it's one of those situations where if, if I am in that same situation with somebody and maybe they do something parenting wise that I might necessarily do with my own kids, I keep my mouth shut.

You keep your mouth shut, and if anyone else is coming in and telling you like what to do with your. They need to keep their mouth shut. It's not something that parents need on their plate because when I go into those situations, I'm like, look, I don't know the whole scenario. I don't know what they've had to deal with before regarding this.

I don't know the other challenges they're dealing with regarding this. So I have no business inserting my opinion in at this moment because I'm probably absolutely. Well the other, and that's what everyone is, who comes in with your, with, with issues when people, you know. Yeah. When you set screen time 


[00:09:45] Brie Tucker: Well, and that's what I'm saying. I think that when you're going through it in the moment, and especially if your kid is having an outburst of some way, shape, or form, or is challenging you, mm-hmm. There is that aspect of. You're upset. We, we just recorded another episode that, that aired a couple weeks before this one about like how you need to, when you feel like your kids are trying to push your buttons, how you need to like, take a re recognize your emotions yourself.

Take a moment separate, da da, da. You can't take that feedback or judgment from somebody else in any way of a constructive manner when you're going through those emotional, like, when you're feeling all the feelings of your kids pushing back against a boundary. I, I don't wanna say like having a tantrum, acting out.

Really, I guess that is what it is. So like you can't take that at that moment, so, mm-hmm. If you really feel like you have advice to offer later and you don't just later offer it, you just like, so how did you feel about that? You know, off support to your, your friend or your, yeah. Daughter, your sister, or whomever, your spouse, because you know, it's hard.

It's hard. 

[00:10:52] JoAnn Crohn: It's support first. It's always support first. Yeah. Yeah. And that's all what whatever I see other parents, I am always supporting first. Yeah. I am like, oh my gosh, this is a really tough situation. Like kids are the worst. And 

[00:11:04] Brie Tucker: I think well, and we need to know that like as moms, like we need to support one another from that stupid voice in our head that's telling us we're screwing up and doing everything wrong and we're the worst possible parent in the world and we have no idea what we're talking about.

We need to support each other so that we know that we're not alone. So like, yeah, everybody has this struggle at some point in time, everybody has had a kid throw a fit about the fact that there's been a boundary on technology in their household. Yeah. And than I do, we have an a routine set up at. Where, um, our lights dim down to like just 5%.

Mm-hmm. When we're supposed to turn our screens off, like, cuz my husband and I, we get in bed at night, we do our wordle, we do our, our, our spelling bee and sometimes we'll do our looking up our, our funny videos on TikTok or Instagram, whatever. But we found that we were really bad about stopping us. We have that light that.

The whole point of the story is that when the light goes on, I get mad. I get frustrated sometimes cause I'm like, I was in the middle of a really, really cute dog video and this dog, cause I feel really, really funny and I wanna keep watching it cause it gives me those positive brain chemicals going on.

And I'm forgetting which one at the moment. But it gives you all of, there we go. The positive endorphines but yeah, but it still hap So my point is, is that I get mad at a freaking. When it tells me that I have a boundary, so, yeah. Yeah. It's normal for kids to react negatively and it's totally, there are, there are 

things you can do.

[00:12:29] JoAnn Crohn: Totally normal. Yeah. Uh, yeah. The first thing you could do is first a agree on those limits with your kid. This is different from agreeing on limits yourself and trying to enforce them with your kids. I'm saying to have a discussion with your kids and agree on the limits together. Yeah, because this is your first step in the battle.

If they agree to something and then go the extra step and have them write. Sit down and post it on the refrigerator. There's a lot less to fight over in the moment because you've already had the discussion, you've already set the limits, and it's so, so helpful going through these tantrums if you have those agreed on limits.

[00:13:13] Brie Tucker: Right, and I think some of the good ways that, or some of the positive ways that you can do that, it's family meetings. I love family meetings, but when you're having it so. This is an important one to do with all ages, and I know that we went over this recently, and I'm trying to remember who we went over it with.

I think it was with Andrea Davis. 

[00:13:31] JoAnn Crohn: Yes. This was Andrea Davis. It was with Andrea Davis, yes. Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:33] Brie Tucker: So like you have a family meeting and you talk about with your kids, first of all, What are all the positives of screen time, technology time, however you wanna word it right. What are all the positives? What are the negatives about it?

Because no matter how old your kid is, if they are 5, 6, 16, they will be able to identify some of the positives in some of the negatives. And then it's not you preaching to them the whole time. 

[00:13:57] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. Yeah, 

[00:13:58] Brie Tucker: because that's when it, yeah, that's when they kind of like stop listening and you start getting frustrated because.

They're just being talked to and they, and they feel like they don't really have a voice in it, so. Mm-hmm. I always wanna like throw that out there. Definitely make sure that when you're having this, and like you said JoAnn, when you're talking about and agreeing on limits, make sure that you really are agreeing on limits and that some way, shape or form your kids feel heard because then they're going to have, yeah, more buy-in to what you're talking about 

[00:14:26] JoAnn Crohn: and agreeing at a time where you're not trying to enforce.

It's a made up upon limit. Here's where this won't work. If you're like, Hey kiddo, you've had like so much screen time today, let's come over here and let's talk on some limits to use for the screen time. That's, that's gonna blow up in your face. Because right then they're gonna be mad that they were stopped on screen time to talk about limits.

The same goes for like, okay, let's have a family meeting on this right now. Now. Right. Or asking them in the moment what's bad about screen time. They're gonna be like, I don't. I don't know. Right. Because they are so emotionally charged from being taken away from an activity that they're in the middle of and engaged in that it's gonna backfire.

Yeah. So with agreeing on limits and with family meetings, it's good to set a time for the future so that. Everyone can think about it. Everyone can come in calm, it's not interrupting anything. 

[00:15:23] Brie Tucker: Yeah, and you can come in with your game plan. Matter of fact, I always suggest that like talk to your, if you have a parenting partner in the home with you, talk to that parenting partner beforehand.

You guys come in with your game plan of what ideally you would like to walk out of the family meeting with as your limit. But realize that you might want to concede on, on some small points to get to that big win at the end, so, mm-hmm. So what I'm saying is like, let's say you come in and you're like, Hey, I wanna make sure that we do no more than two hours of screen time every single day.

And, and that's probably even I, I don't know. That's just fun with one another two hours every single day. No more than that. And your kids are like, well, you know, I really like to do this, and when I add them together, that makes like two and a half hours. Can we please get two and a half hours? And you're thinking to yourself in your head, no.

I said two hours. Maybe be willing to negotiate a little bit now and then you can mm-hmm. Try to pull off of it later. Like it's just, It's that whole give and take. 

[00:16:24] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. I like in our house, we do, we have two hours a day, however it is, two hours a day for, well it's just my son because my daughter's at the time now where we're having discussions about it and mental health because I know she's gonna be in college in a few years and she needs to manages herself.

Yeah. Um, but my son, he's very much on the time limits and, uh, he gets two hours to use at his leisure. Now that is not saying, That he only gets that time per day. There are circumstances where he can ask for more time, which we can give in, which we can get into a little bit later. But know that if you have a set time, it doesn't mean that you're a bad parent if you go over that time with screen time.

Yeah, it just means that. This is the limit and they're gonna have to do something a little bit extra maybe to get more if they want it or have, or it's like other circumstances. But we can get into that a little bit later. 

[00:17:18] Brie Tucker: Right. I was gonna say, that's a good point. I know I'm looking at our list. I know that's a little further down on the list.

[00:17:22] JoAnn Crohn: It's, it's on there. It's down there. I'm jumping ahead. I'm jumping ahead, 

[00:17:25] Brie Tucker: but it's a good point. So first, so the first things first is agree on the limits at a time. Where nobody is currently using their technology. Yes. So like have a preset time that is agreed upon. We're all gonna talk about it. Family meetings.

I personally love to bribe my kids with good food for my kids to get them to buy in, I have to go get, we normally do pizza for my son and then my daughter gets to pick a dessert and like that's, Hmm. That is the draw in to get them everybody there in a decent mood so we can have a decent conversation.

So yeah, you have the meeting, you agree on limits. What's the next thing you do? I know we kind of talked about this one too a little bit. 

[00:18:02] JoAnn Crohn: Use an outside device to set the limits, like don't ha put yourself in the position of a police because that is not fun. It's exhausting, fun. 

[00:18:10] Brie Tucker: It's exhausting. 

[00:18:11] JoAnn Crohn: Right, if you're the one having to keep the time, yeah, it is exhausting.

And if you're having to keep the time, that is your mental energy being spent on tracking what time is used, which you could be using for different things. So, Use an outside device, whether that is Google Family Link, which is a great one we've used for a while, whether it's Apple Screen Time, whether it is a Microsoft family, which we're using right now.

Cause my son has a pc, he plays Roblox on and that helps keep those screen time limits there. Um, whatever is. All it needs to be is something that will turn the device off when then the time is reached. You don't have to go into like the big security things because those come at different times. Like you have conversations with kids.

We're only talking about the amount of time used, but it's so helpful. Have that outside advice. Yeah. 

[00:19:03] Brie Tucker: There are so many ways that you can do this, where you don't have to necessarily, like you said, be the police. I wanna say you don't necessarily have to be the bad. As well. So there are ways to, to make it so that you're not having to take on the brunt of.

Policing everything all the time and use it for your own mental health, for your own mental health as a mom. 

[00:19:28] JoAnn Crohn: And I know that it comes up that how do you do it when your screen time is TV time and electronics time. I wouldn't recommend putting TV time in that screen time allowance because it is just too hard to control, and that's the only.

[00:19:42] Brie Tucker: Yeah, I would say in that case, like, it just, it depends on every family and every situation and, and how mm-hmm. They're doing the, the TV and the screen time and all that kind of stuff. So, just to share real quick on my own thing, like at one point I thought I had it figured out slightly and my, the house that I'm living in now, I've been here for the last four years.

When we moved in right from the get-go, I told the kid, no TVs in your bedroom right? We're, you're not gonna have a TV in your bedroom. And so we only have two TVs in this house. One, if you're watching the, the video. You've seen it before. It's on the wall. Uh mm-hmm. In my bedroom. There's one in here and then there's one in our living room and that is it.

And I thought I was, I was smart, JoAnn, when that happened. Cause my kids were in like elementary, early, middle, and I was like, oh yeah, I got this covered. Cause there's no way they'll be able to watch TV in the room. Except for the fact then they all got, you know, laptops and smart devices eventually.

Mm-hmm. And so then now they're in there watching Netflix. Oh. They're a smart device. So they ended up finding their own little way around it. But the point being is that there might be a time when you can include screen time in that technology, but know that as they get older, It's gonna be a lot harder to keep that control on it.

And again, it gives you that much more opportunities to feel like you're failing if you can't control it. And that is something that is really hard to control. There's a lot of little ways to help them get in. 

[00:21:03] JoAnn Crohn: Also, can we give a little tangent? Little tangent here? 

[00:21:06] Brie Tucker: Yeah. I love tangents.

I think, I think that TV has been really demonized by our society, particularly American culture and like in European cultures.

I, I honestly don't know. I don't know. So I have no, no way to speak to that. But, um, something about TV is that, It's relaxing. It's great to dig into a story of a show. You learn some things too. If you're watching docs, you like see human empathy at work. If you're watching like good fiction television and there's so much great stuff about tv.

The point is, and I'm coming off of this just from reading Tricia Hersey's book called Rest as Resistance. It's all about how rest. Is really not observed in our society whatsoever. It is not honored. It is think as like sloth and laziness. Tricia Hersey wrote, writes this from her experience as a black woman and how, uh, black people have been u their bodies have been used for like capitalism as machines and how rest is just not something given.

But it pertains to a lot of our society. We're very capitalist society where our bodies are treated as machines instead of allowing to rest. Yeah. And I think TV's rest, and so I was wondering, that's the reason I bring this up. Do you think that a lot of the pushback against television is this pushback against rest and not being productive?

Well, I think a lot of people have a thought process that if you're sitting down, you're not being product. And they beat themselves up for that. So I think that's a huge thing right there. I think that I'm on the mindset too, that I do believe that what you do that is enjoyable to you is rest. Another example would be, and again, like how, how that's different for people.

My ex-husband used to, like his, the way his brain would relax at night is he would watch TV and fall asleep to the television. Mm-hmm. That didn't work for me. It kept me awake. And I so like for him, in a case like that, Watching something and just having that noise on in the background of something mundane. Whatever that helped him actually rest and relax me, it fired me up. Mm-hmm. So, but at the same time, like if I've had a really busy day and I'm just physically exhausted from either what I was doing or I'm emotionally exhausted from a really like emotional day, I'll wanna do something that I don't have to be that invested in.

Yeah. And so, like you said, like maybe sitting down and watching a documentary or watching a favorite movie or something. Like, I'm, I'm in a bad mood. I wanna watch something that's gonna, I wanna have something that's gonna make me. And 

[00:23:38] JoAnn Crohn: watching some Project runway?

[00:23:40] Brie Tucker: I was gonna say, whatever it's, and again, everybody's different be official.

Yeah. Like if there's somebody else here, I might wanna go hang out with them, or maybe I don't, maybe they're the reason I'm emotionally exhausted, I don't know. Yeah. 

[00:23:51] JoAnn Crohn: But because I mean, if you really think to it, what is the real reason behind not wanting kids to watch? Because the real reason I'm seeing is that they're doing nothing and they're not being productive or growing their brains, which I think is very achievement based and doesn't promote the wonderfulness of doing nothing.

[00:24:13] Brie Tucker: I think that everybody's gonna have their different opinions on that, and every family's gonna be different. Mm-hmm. And I think that, yeah, I could see a lot of people giving us pushback on that one, but at the same time, I could see a lot of people sighing a breath of relief going like, oh, thank God that's okay.

Cause I thought it was terrible that my kid was, yeah. I'm 

[00:24:29] JoAnn Crohn: not saying it's good or bad, but what I'm tired about is this automatic demonization of television. Yeah. Being like totally bad. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's not totally bad. It's a form of rest and entertainment. Entertainment is not bad. I used to work in entertainment.

It's like a multi-billion dollar industry if we're looking at it from an achievement. Right. I see it all the time and I'm like, but why? There's always that nagging thought, but why is it so bad? And I'm not seeing it. 

[00:24:58] Brie Tucker: No. Across the board. No. Yeah. So I think sometimes that's how our family bonds too, in our household is watching.

[00:25:04] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. 

Something together. I especially love getting to watch a series with my kids because they're teens and I feel like there's not a lot that we can connect on all the time. And so that really gives us something that we can connect on. So it's, so we're just saying don't, we personally don't believe it is the dark side and we don't, it's not the dark side that across the board, terrible things are gonna happen if your kids are watching tv.

[00:25:27] Brie Tucker: We just don't, don't believe 

[00:25:28] JoAnn Crohn: that. Nor do we believe that everything has to be educational on tv. Please. No. You need entertainment and art and fun and love and emotion in your life. 

[00:25:39] Brie Tucker: It's not exactly. So moving on to item three. The third thing to keep in mind is that it's okay to say no, correct? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:25:48] JoAnn Crohn: If you, if you see your child turning into a little demonn monster because they've been sitting and not having any activity for the past, like three hours and you could like, and they still want more screen time and they're arguing with you, it's okay to be like, no, you reached our limits. Yeah. Look at exactly.

There's the thing on the fridge. It's okay. 

[00:26:08] Brie Tucker: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that, and I love that point there too, like we didn't mention that. Like when you've agreed on the limit, write it down, put it somewhere so that you don't have to constantly be reminding them, because that's, that's a thing too. I forget a lot of things.

We all know that I do not have the world's best memory, and because of that, it is not a hill. I will die on like 90% of the time. If I'm having a disagreement with somebody about something that I recollect, I'll normally be like, well, I mean, I could be wrong, but this is how I remember it. And I feel like with my kids, they use that to their advantage.

A lot of like, that's not what you said, mom. That's not what we did last time. And if you have it written down, you don't have to be the one that's constantly nagging, reminding everybody. Yeah. Going back to, it's like, it's right there. Nope, it's right there. Sorry. It's right there. Right there. Right there.

[00:26:58] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. I feel like I have a really good memory, but my kids still try to gaslight me and tell me, I said things that I did not say, and I'm like, I did not say that. I trust my own brain. Thank you. That didn't happen. And I think kids just, just do that because they, I think they do have different memories of situations than we do.

[00:27:15] Brie Tucker: Right. And they, they do. And just like anybody else, sometimes they're always trying to see where that boun, how firm that boundary. Which leads us into, oh, go ahead. 

[00:27:23] JoAnn Crohn: Well, also, they have a tendency towards overgeneralization. So if you said one time for a specific instance that something was okay, kids have the tendency to come back and generalize it to every single instance.

Every single situation. Yeah, so you're like, especially, oh yeah, you could have screen time, some more screen time today cuz like you're working downstairs and everything. Kids will be like, oh yeah, well a few weeks ago you said I could have screen time. You're here ready to go, like outside with them. But they're remembering that time when you had to work and you said it was okay and 

[00:27:55] Brie Tucker: Well, I was gonna say, especially when you have those people that are very strong black and white thinkers, we have a couple of those in our household where it's a little bit more of a neurodiverse type of mindset where things are very.

It's this or it's this, there is no gray. Mm-hmm. They have a very hard time grasping those grays. So yeah. Yeah. Those are definitely the times that like you'll do a negotiation of some way, shape, or form that day and your kids will think that that applies to everything cuz you did it once, so. Mm-hmm. And again, which leads us into item number four.

[00:28:28] JoAnn Crohn: Negotiation's. Okay. It's okay. You don't have to stick to hard and true deadlines in our house negotiation. It happens all the time. I want my kids to negotiate. I don't want them to blindly follow with authority figures. I don't want that to happen. I think that that is a, a dangerous situation for them in the future, especially in terms of their career.

I want them to negotiate respectfully and politely, but disrespect isn't asking or negotiating. Disrespect is like yelling and calling names. So 

[00:29:00] Brie Tucker: I think throwing the to throwing the phone at you, throwing 

[00:29:03] JoAnn Crohn: the phone at you that's not negotiating is, Hey, can I have a 30 more minutes on screen time or putting that request through Microsoft Family?

The thing is with Negoti, Make sure you're getting something out of it too. I always think about that when my kids ask for more, and because of that, that is how we really make sure chores get done in the house. My son finishes his screen time, he asks for more time. He comes to me and I'm like, is everything done?

And he's like, oh no it's not. And at first, that was a big tantrum when I first started doing that. Oh, I don't wanna do it now. And I'm like, well, tool don't have to do it now. You're not getting any more screen time until you get it done. So it's your choice here. Uh, and now since we've been pretty consistent with it, he does his chores before he asks for screen time.

We've gotten him to, uh, fold clothes. His clothes are folded. We've gotten the boy to brush his teeth, which is very hard with nine year old boys. 

[00:30:04] Brie Tucker: Um, anything that has to do with bathing is hard with boys in general. 90% of time 

[00:30:08] JoAnn Crohn: anything would be take a shower. The rule now is if, uh, when we ask you when's the last time you take a shower, if it's not, uh, last night, it's time to take a shower.

[00:30:22] Brie Tucker: So it's not a bad rule of thumb, I would say it's a pretty good, 

[00:30:26] JoAnn Crohn: it's a pretty good one. There were times where we asked him and he's. He couldn't even think of the last time he took a shower. We're like, okay, we need to renegotiate these here. 

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, negotiation's. Okay. 

[00:30:37] Brie Tucker: Yeah, and I think that that, you said a good thing on that too is that it, if you're negotiating that is like a as needed thing.

You're not doing it every day because if you start negotiating every single day, chances are your kids are going to keep trying to push that limit because they're gonna be like, okay. It changes a lot. So, or mom doesn't really mean it because every time if I just ask her for more, I'm gonna get more. So, and I think you also mentioned too about like, it's not necessarily disrespect them asking mm-hmm.

For it, but just know that you, well first of all, when you start putting in limits and you haven't had it before, or you haven't been consistent with it before, there's going to be pushback from your kids. And it's not them trying to push your buttons, it's not them being little. They are literally just trying to figure out if this is a, how firm this boundary is.

Just like you would do too, right? Like, I don't know about anybody else, but like I'm out there driving and I'm on the freeway. The speed limit says 65, and I'm like, I'm getting passed. I'm like, I think I could push it a little, little further, all the way up until like, you know, nine miles an hour over before I get a speeding ticket.

But I'm just saying it's, it's natural for people to push the boundaries to see how far and how firm something is. 

[00:31:51] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. I would have to say, I do have conversations with my kids about tech every day, about screen time. It's not like negotiating per se, but it, it's that time where they come to me and I am like, okay, well what else?

What else do you have to. What else can you be doing? I think you need to do something else. My son, after a lot of those conversations, he'll come to me after he uses tech. He's like, okay, I'm gonna go take my bike out for a ride around the block. And I'm like, cool, you're getting off your screen. That's awesome.

If he ever asks at night for more time, it's no, you need to switch to like a book or something right now because using screen time before bed makes it harder to fall. Right, and I, so there's always reasons when I say no, it's not like a no, just for the sake of adhering to the time. It's a no, and I think based on reasons, 

[00:32:35] Brie Tucker: that's excellent because that's what our kids, mainly, they need to know that there is a reason for it.

Mm-hmm. That again, it's not some arbitrary. No, because nine times outta 10, we have a reason for it. We legit, we said no more than X amount of screen time because of the reasons that you just said you can't have more screen time because you, I need you to go to bed in the next hour and it'll mm-hmm.

Studies have proven it wakes up your brain and makes it harder for your body to fall asleep. So that's why it's said no. So, I mean, I don't, I don't think talking about it daily is bad, but I'm just saying if you are every day moving that time, you set a boundary of no more than two hours, and every day you guys are negotiating on being more than two hours, then just know they're gonna keep asking.

[00:33:20] JoAnn Crohn: Well, yeah. So let me say this. Maybe you don't wanna say no more than two hours. Yeah. Like, right. If you find yourself saying, don't doing more than two hours. Just if you, if you, I'll give you like screen time, you can use any time two hours a day. Cool. After 

that, we talk, right? 

[00:33:37] Brie Tucker: So again, you're gonna have to find what works for your family, but by having some of these rules in in place, you're going to greatly decrease.

If not, stop those tantrums. I can't remember the last time that my. Had a tantrum about technology, I really don't. Mm-hmm. Uh, because we do have a very open conversation about it, and it's so because of that, whenever it's brought up that, hey, you, you need to kind of go off for a little while and do something else, they don't typically argue because they know my reasons why.

Yeah. And they also know that they've had a say in it, so. Mm-hmm. Exactly. It does, it does 

[00:34:11] JoAnn Crohn: make it a lot easier. Exactly. So agree on those limits, use that outside. It's okay to say no if you have your reasons for it and negotiation's. Okay. Just make sure that you are benefiting from it too, because a lot of, I'm mutually beneficial.

It's mutually beneficial because we think we should do these things as moms and set these limits, but then we don't have our own good reasons behind it or, and therefore we extend it. We think we're being crappy. And then it's like this whole feeling extravaganza. So we're just saying it's okay. It's okay.

But these things will help. You can give them more screen time. Yeah. And if these things, things will help. Definitely the best. Mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. We'll talk to you later. 

[00:34:57] Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.