No Guilt Mom

How to be a Tech-Healthy Family with Andrea Davis

May 02, 2023 No Guilt Mom, JoAnn Crohn, Brie Tucker, Andrea Davis Episode 182
No Guilt Mom
How to be a Tech-Healthy Family with Andrea Davis
Show Notes Transcript

Today we are sitting down with Andrea Davis. She's the founder of Better Screen Time and the author of Creating a Tech Healthy Family, which you can find on Amazon! She helps parents worry less about tech and connect more with their kids, which we are all about here at No Guilt Mom. It’s so refreshing to hear somebody talk about how screen time can be used for good as well as being aware of the dangers and educating kids about it. 

In this episode of the No Guilt Mom podcast, you’ll learn:

  • How to protect and prepare your kids to use technology in a healthy way.
  • How to involve your kids in the decisions made about technology use. 
  • How to not police your kids over technology, but be their helper. 

Resources We Shared:

Creating a Tech-Healthy Family: Ten Must-Have Conversations to Help You Worry Less and Connect More With Your Kids by Andrea Davis

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Download the transcripts HERE

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No Guilt Mom Podcast Episode 182

Transcripts were provided using A.I. There may be some mistakes as a result.

[00:00:00] JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to The No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn. Joined here by my co-host Brie Tucker. 

[00:00:13] Brie Tucker: Hello. Hello. How are you? 

[00:00:16] JoAnn Crohn: We're digging in today to some a screen time Brie. 

[00:00:21] Brie Tucker: Yeah. I have to tell you, this has been weighing on me so much lately. Screen time has come up both with no guilt mom, but also like with my own family because we took a vacation in March.

Where we went on a cruise and I refused to tell my kids that there was wifi. So yeah, they didn't, they didn't know how to get on the wifi. And I have to admit, like, even though you've heard me talk about it, like I would've liked some things to have gone differently with the cruise line. And my kids do have made some different choices in terms of socializing with people, which they did not, but that's okay. That's okay. They socialized with me a ton. Um, we got so much family time. It really gave me a glimpse of what life is like. When we extract those devices, and I gotta admit, I really, really loved it. I didn't think it was possible, but it was and it was amazing. 

[00:01:12] JoAnn Crohn: Well, that's excellent. It's so funny with me, like people are like, oh yeah, family time without screens.

I don't remember a time even in my childhood that we didn't have screens, like we were the house that had a television in every single house. Like there was a television at the kitchen table, there was a television in the bedrooms, like. Everywhere was screened. So like even now in my home, we don't have TVs, we have two, and then there's screens.

But usually it is quiet and there's not that TV noise in our house. And we talk during dinner instead of watching the tv. Uh, which I think is. Different from how I grew up. So it's always interesting when, especially when we're talking to Andrea, you're gonna hear her and what she does in her family. And I was like, wow.

I never experienced that as a kid, but my, oh, I, yeah, my childhood was great. It was great. Yeah. 

[00:02:02] Brie Tucker: Yeah. 

[00:02:03] JoAnn Crohn: And I had a great childhood. 

[00:02:04] Brie Tucker: I would say for our generation, it's really hard to think of a time when you didn't have a screen. It really is. Mm-hmm. I mean, and if you did, you were the exception, not the norm.

Yeah. And in this day and age, We struggle as parents trying to figure out where that balance is, and I think that's why just bringing in as much information as we possibly can is so helpful. Yeah, and Andrea was so helpful with this. 

[00:02:30] JoAnn Crohn: She's so helpful. Like I always tell people I watch TV so much. As a kid, I thought I made a career out of it and that's, I went into television.

I knew so much about it. I knew so much about it. So I mean, that didn't work out for various reasons, but not for my TV habits. The story for another day. But you are gonna love our interview with Andrea Davis. She's the founder of Better Screen Time and the author of Creating a Tech Healthy Family, which you can find on Amazon.

She helps parents worry less about tech and connect more with their kids, which we are all about here at No Guilt Mom. So we hope you enjoy our interview with Andrea.

You want mom life. To be easier. That's our goal too. Our mission is to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids, and we are going to have fun doing it. We're gonna help you delegate and step back. Each episode will tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process.

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom Podcast.

Welcome to the podcast, Andrea, and we are so excited to have you here today because I, I love your work and I think it's so refreshing to hear somebody talk about how screen time can be used. For good as well as being aware of the dangers and educating kids about it. So I totally dig you and welcome, welcome.

[00:04:07] Andrea Davis: Thank you. I'm excited to be with you guys. 

[00:04:10] JoAnn Crohn: So, with your whole screen time journey as a family, first of all, tell us a little bit about your family, because you, you have a rather large one. 

[00:04:17] Andrea Davis: Mm-hmm. Yes. So we have five kids. Our oldest is 18 and our youngest is eight, and we have four girls and one boy. 

[00:04:25] Brie Tucker: That is a big spread.

[00:04:26] Andrea Davis: Yes. You've got a lot of ages there. Yes. I cover the gamut 

[00:04:30] JoAnn Crohn: a lot. Yes. And what is your background too? 

[00:04:34] Andrea Davis: Yes, so my background is in secondary education. So before I stayed home with my kids, I actually taught junior high. I taught a couple semesters of college. So I love teaching, but I've spent quite a number of years at home with my kids.

So just education is my background. Yeah, 

[00:04:55] JoAnn Crohn: I would've bet that you were an educator before you got into this work, just the way you approach it. I'm a former educator as well. I was a fifth grade teacher before. 

[00:05:04] Andrea Davis: Oh, awesome. 

[00:05:04] JoAnn Crohn: No guilt mom. Yeah, and I think like as educators, we kind of like approach this whole parenting thing kind of coming from the classroom, knowing that for kids to do things that you need them to do, you have to teach them how to do it because no arbitrary age that they just wake up and they're like, oh, I suddenly have all this new skills and maturity to handle these things.

Yes. And in your book, creating a Tech Healthy Family, you mentioned you're like, The story that kind of got you into this line of work. Can you share that with us? 

[00:05:40] Andrea Davis: Yes. So first off, everyone needs to know that we are the family that's kept our TV in the closet. So we only pulled it out for the Olympics and family movie night.

And when my kids were little, I, I loved, I just wanted them to be readers. So I had a really good friend who. It was an amazing reader, and I just asked her one day, I said, Rachel, what did your friends do to instill this love of reading? And she said, oh, well, we didn't have a TV growing up. And I was just fascinated by that.

And so I went home and I told my husband Tyler, I said, Hey, what would you think if we just put the TV in the closet? We'll pull it out for family movie night for the Olympics. And he's not really into sports. So it was an easy sell and it was, that's what we did for years and years. Yeah. Emphasized other things in our home and you know, we had to desktop computers, so our kids still did that.

But again, this was kind of a different era. Well, fast forward. Years later, and my oldest was suddenly in middle school and we had a big. Cross country moved. We moved from Illinois to Oregon where we now live. And yeah, my daughter's friends were starting to get phones and we were moving to this place where we didn't know anyone.

So we had this abandoned smartphone that no one was using, and we handed over, handed it over to our daughter, thinking this will be a great way for her to stay in touch with these friends that she left behind, because moving in middle school is not fun. And also then she can get in touch with me to know where to get off the bus.

And really just logistically, it seemed to make sense, right? Well, fast forward a few months later, and my daughter came home from school one day and she was eating her after school snack, her bowl of cereal. So she's spinning cereal into her mouth with one hand and with her other hand. She's doing this, she's scrolling.

And not talking to me. Mm-hmm. And I suddenly realized that this device was, had become a wedge in our relationship. And I thought, Hey, where did my kid go? Like, what happened here? I. And then a few more months passed and I was in the kitchen leaning over the kitchen table, looking at my own phone, scrolling, and I came across a post from my daughter and it was her lip syncing the words to a song about a Glock.

And she had her hand her head like a gun. And at that moment it pulled a trigger inside of me and I realized, oh my goodness, I have failed her. This was way too much too soon. So we. Actually went back to a flip phone. That's really all that was available six years ago. There weren't kids safe phones like there are now, and it was not a fun experience.

There were lots of tears. Uh, it was upsetting for her. It was hard for us to admit that we'd made them a mistake and we just decided we need to reset. We're gonna start this over. And I realized that parents needed a lot more guidance and help. When it came to technology, and we can err on the side of really protecting our kids and we need to protect them.

But also we may not be preparing them the way that we should be and, and really taking this process deliberately and slowly. So that's why I started better screen time. 

[00:09:02] JoAnn Crohn: Wow. Yeah. And something about your story, I think that many parents can relate to that. And also I. Without this guidance existing, you just don't know what can happen with kids and technology and what is too much too soon and what they do need to be exposed to and what they do need to learn.

Because it's funny you say your daughter scrolling through her phone when she's eating. I had these conversations with my 14 year old all the time because I noticed that behavior. And that is one of the, the huge things that scares me about technology use, especially among teens today, is that they're not talking to each other.

They're just totally absorbed in their own devices. And it scares me even more than the aspect of them viewing content online because if you can't talk to people, you can't process what you see. You can't really get out of situations and handle emotions. And that sort of thing. So just being prepared for that.

So what now, after doing that, what did you see that you did differently with your younger kids? 

[00:10:12] Andrea Davis: Well, initially after that experience, I was panicked. I started reading a lot of books, uh, glow Kids, reset Your Child's Brain, iGen, I mean, all these books that were really kind of on the front end of this screen time topic.

And I was really starting to panic. I started to parent from a place of fear. And as I sat the kids down, my husband and I, I was just going through this list of rules, like, we're not doing this anymore, we're not doing that. This, you know, blah, blah, blah. And the kids were just looking at me like deer in the headlights and shrugging their shoulders and oh my goodness, mom is freaking out.

And I had to pause and just have this moment of self-reflection and realize, you know, when I was in the classroom and was teaching. Was this an effective way to get my students on board? And answer is no. Right? And you know that as an educator, like the best way to get people on board is to help them understand why.

Why this matters and to get their input and they need to be part of the solution. And so it was at that point when I realized, okay, we're going to approach this differently. We'll sit down together. We're going to first talk about technology as a tool. So we made a thumbs up and a thumbs down list, and I just asked for kids.

I said, okay, thumbs up. What are the things that you love about tech? And we made a big long list. And then thumbs down, okay, what do we need to watch out for? With when it comes to tech. And we made a long list there too. And it's such a powerful exercise, and I recommend anyone listening that you do this with your kids because it teaches them this skill, which is a skill of discernment.

And that is a skill to be able to tell the difference between good and bad. And they have to recognize that, that, yes, technology is a tool. It can be used for good and bad, but at some point that's going to be on me, my choice to have to decide this. And my parents are helping me now. But they're not always going to be right there, right?

So we started with that, and then we worked into, our next conversation was about actually creating a family tech plan. And we talked about where will we use screens, what will we do on them, how long, all those, all those w questions where, when, what? How long? And then we just talked about this as a family.

What are some non-negotiables? And I of course came to the conversation with. Some agenda items, but at the same time really trying to listen to my kids. And one of those things that I felt very strongly about, especially after doing a lot of research, was that we would only use screens in shared spaces.

So in our family room and the kitchen and office area, and not taking screens in the bedrooms. And that was. Tough because the kids said, Hey mom, you take your screen in the bedroom. And I was like, you're right. Mm-hmm. I do. And so it was at that moment that I decided, you know, not only do I wanna model this for my kids, but I know I'll benefit as well.

So that was six years ago, and I've, I've committed to that ever since not taking my phone or my laptop into the bedroom. And I've gained so much from that. And so I think. You know, parents are just like, where do I start with my kids? It really is with having those conversations and creating that family tech plan, getting your kids to share their input, and then just realizing that you kind of have to pick your battle.

I heard this line once. Pick your battles wisely and then win them. So there are a few things that might be, this is what we need to do and other things you might need to compromise a little bit and. Baby step into it basically. Well, 

[00:14:01] Brie Tucker: I love how you started that because I think a lot of times when we're having these conversations about screen use, tech use, especially phones, right?

Our kids and, and I feel like this is of true for almost every age, they come battling. They come with their heels dug in, they're ready to, to go to fight for it because they feel like you're an adult. They immediately assume your agenda is to take it away from them and to not let them do stuff. And I love how you said like coming in with the whole, what do we love about tech, what we don't love about tech because, that gives you the end. You get to see what they not only already understand as being the negative sides of it, but what they see as the negative side. So that's how you can choose your battles wisely, right? You can take like what they already identified and be like, okay, this is, that's my in.. That's my in.

[00:14:49] Andrea Davis: Yes. No, 

[00:14:50] JoAnn Crohn: it's like the motivational interviewing technique where you're like, oh, tell me more about this bad side about technology. 

How do you like about it? 

[00:15:01] Brie Tucker: Hadn't even thought it's outta that. Totally. Yes. Tell me more. 

[00:15:07] JoAnn Crohn: So I, I love about what you said about discernment because I think this is the most important thing that we can do with our kids in tech, because like you said, they're not gonna be with us all the time.

They need to know the difference between Right. And wrong. And the last thing I want my kids to do is to be like, oh my gosh, my mom never lets me do this. Let's do this right now. 

[00:15:29] Andrea Davis: Yeah. Like, 

[00:15:29] JoAnn Crohn: because I feel like that's a pretty natural tendency of kids. Totally. I would do it. Totally as a kid. Definitely.

[00:15:37] Andrea Davis: Yeah. Totally. 

[00:15:37] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. So discernment I think is just such an important skill when it comes to tech. 

[00:15:45] Andrea Davis: Yeah, for sure. 

[00:15:46] JoAnn Crohn: What other skills or tools or things. Is it important to teach kids when they have this phone? Yeah. You said already like using it in shared spaces. What else could they do? 

[00:15:59] Andrea Davis: Yeah, so I think having a conversation about, you know, times of day when we should have screens put away, like dinner time or having a certain time in the evening where everybody puts devices away so that you can unwind for bed and have that time to relax and also to reconnect as a family.

I think that's really important. And of course that will vary from family to family. So that's why I think it's so valuable to. Have that, this conversation with your kids and decide, well, what, mm-hmm. What works for us? What's like that? I always tell families like, pick your screen free family rituals.

What are those things that just are part of your family? If that's a walk after dinner, Or it's a family game night on Friday, picking a few of those things and trying to keep those screen free. That's really, really helpful. Mm-hmm. And then I think just talking about what kind of content is appropriate, what's not, why, you know, how does it affect us?

And then we actually just this, that's how we kicked off our, these conversations we had with our kids, which we put in our discussion guide called Creating a Tech Healthy Family. And that's on Amazon. But we started with the pros and cons of tech, creating a family tech plan. And then we talked a lot about rules and how rules actually keep us safe.

And I think that's a valuable conversation as well, that. This technology is amazing. It's a tool, but we do need to have boundaries. And if those boundaries don't exist, then we are going to get in trouble. And I think the best comparison really is just the rules of the road, right? Thinking about the chaos and mayhem that can happen if we're not following traffic laws.

And the same thing applies when using our devices. We also had a lot of conversations about self-awareness. Because again, I think it's important for the kids to understand like, how do you feel if you were to sit and watch YouTube for three hours after that amount of time? Mm-hmm. Like how are you feeling?

Are you feeling sluggish or are you feeling motivated? Did you get all these other things done that need to get done in a day like your homework? And getting some physical activity? And we talk to our kids a lot about putting those important things in place first, right? The things that keep us healthy will.

Full, physically and mentally healthy. Mm-hmm. Because we, if we spend too much time on a screen, then we're missing out on those things that are going to truly keep us in line basically. 

[00:18:32] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, and I love having the discussion too, because if you have the discussion and set the stage, then there's a time where the kids actually do need to practice the self-awareness and fail.

It's one thing being told that, okay, you have to turn off your screen right now else you're gonna be mentally healthy. And it's another thing to be like, oh my gosh, mom, I still have this, this, and this to do, and I haven't done any of it. And it's like, well, what have you been doing? Oh, I've been on, I've been on my screen.

Yeah. Because I think a lot of parents hear, hear this information, and they're like, oh my gosh, now I need to watch my kids to make sure that they, or they do this already. The policing of screen time. Yeah. Where the kids never experience that feeling of having all of your time sucked away and you don't have the time to do what you actually wanna do.

[00:19:20] Brie Tucker: Well, I was gonna say, and I don't think that they necessarily as kids, that they believe us that that can happen. If you've been policing it, oh, there's no way I would get lost on my phone for hours. I'm way smarter than that. Cause again, it's all about that experience. Right? So I think that that's a really important thing there too.

If you're policing it. You're keeping them from understanding that that legit can happen. 

[00:19:42] Andrea Davis: Yeah. I also think it's important to recognize and consider ages and stages here because obviously what we would do with a three and a four year old is very different than what we would do with the 16 year old. So I'll, I wanna clear, definitely clarify that.

There's a couple of reasons why. Self-regulation on a screen for kids really is not possible. And number one, mm-hmm. Is, it's important to understand that their brain is still under construction. Right? So the prefrontal cortex, that part of the brain that's responsible for decision making isn't fully formed until we're in our mid twenties.

And so you pair that with a device that uses something we call persuasive design. So a lot of the apps that are on the devices that we're using, Are designed to keep us hooked and keep us connected. Mm-hmm. And so you pair a brain that's under construction with an app that's using persuasive design and it really is a losing battle.

And so that's why I tell parents, self-regulation on a screen for 99% of kids is a myth. It's not possible. So we do have to be there. We do have to create these boundaries. And work with them and, and be their, be their accountability partner basically. But as they get older, then you do start to slowly relinquish a little bit of that and let them experience like, okay, what homework assignments do you need to get done?

And what time do you have left? And so I think it doesn't just come down to wasting time on a screen, but even most of our kids are doing their homework on a screen, which is a whole nother challenge. Right, right. My high schooler has a smartphone and she'll have that sitting by her school iPad and I'll see her pick it up several times and occasionally I'll say, Hey, do you want me to put your phone in the other room?

So you can focus and it's kind of just this playful thing because she knows I'm there to, to help her. Mm-hmm. And we've gotten to that point and she's like, no mom. No mom. I got it. I'll, and then sometimes she'll set it over on the other side of the table. So I think it's even just checking in with them rather than when they get to that point, rather than demanding, but almost offering, Kate, I can be your accountability partner.

Do you need some help so you can focus on your homework and. It takes some time to get to that point, but it's a good place to be because I mean, my oldest is 18, she's going to college this fall, and so hopefully she'll hear my voice in her head when she has those moments. She's going have to do that, so that's the point we have to get to.

[00:22:17] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. It's like the gradual weaning off, like in teaching at the id we do you do where like you gradually weed off the We do. Yeah. Uh, and when I, when I was talking about self-regulation, I was talking specifically about my high schooler. My nine year old is on a strict screen limit. We control hit the mount he spends on screens.

We have constant check-in times with him how he's feeling, making sure he's getting other things done, making sure all these other things are happened because the, the. Everything is so addictive on there. Yeah, it's so addictive that if you don't have that in place, you never have the chance to have those discussions with your kids because they're gonna be glued to their screen the entire time.

You're not gonna be able to pull them off. And everything's gonna be a fight to have those discussions. So, so true. Like, do you have any recommendations for sort of like tools you could use to help you regulate that screen time? For the younger ones in particular? 

[00:23:17] Andrea Davis: Yeah, I think the, the best tool you have is creating the family tech plan and we always put ours on the refrigerator, so it's right there. We'll review it at least twice a year. You know, sometimes when you're just starting out you might have to redo it. Several times before you kind of get to a place where everybody's happy. But we have that on the fridge, so it's not like, well mom, you said this, but it's like, no, actually it's written right here.

This is how much time we get. Yeah. I think that's one of the best tools because again, you're kind of teaching them to. To understand that we have this plan together, this agreement, but my kids always use a timer, so whether that's a smart speaker or a visual timer. When my kids were little, I used the time timer, which has like a very visual red mark.

You've probably seen that as a teacher, and it, yeah, it goes back. So that's really good for younger kids. I'm using a timer, and then if you want to get really. Technical. Another tool that we love is our router. So we have a router, it's called the Griffin Router, and we have an app on our phone and you can actually set what times you might allow screen time or not allow it.

And you can set time limits on certain apps as well, which you can also do. With some of the built-in settings with like Apple screen time and Google Family Link and those kind of things as well. So, mm-hmm. I think those, you know, use those to help you. But I think the conversations and the family tech plan are your best bet because the, that goes, that's more like your kids' internal filter and that goes with them wherever they go, right?

[00:25:00] JoAnn Crohn: Mm-hmm. 

[00:25:00] Brie Tucker: Yeah, definitely. I think those are amazing, amazing things. Uh, Would you have any different advice for a family that may have already started like you were with your 12 year old that has already started down the tech road realizing, whoa, Nelly, I gotta back this up. This has not worked out the way that we at hope, for whatever reason, maybe whatever reason it didn't work out.

What is a way that they could probably do a reset with a kiddo that's like a tween or older? 

[00:25:28] Andrea Davis: Yeah, I think it's a matter, that's a good question of looking at seeing what are the biggest pain points. So for example, maybe this pre-teen or teen has social media and you feel like that's the thing that is unhealthy for your teen.

Or they're either wasting time or they're finding content that. Not appropriate or in line with your family's values then? All of the above. Yeah, all of the above. All the above, right? Yeah, exactly. And so maybe that's the thing that you scale back or that you eliminate for a while and it's. Painful. It's not fun.

But your kids, they're still learning at that age and they only get one chance to grow up. I, when I go speak to kids, I love to talk to them about your brain's going through this pruning process, right? And it's deciding what it's going to hang on to and what it's going to let go of. And so if you are spending like five hours playing Fortnite, or you're spending five hours scrolling Instagram, You are missing out on this wonderful opportunity that you have to go learn how to shoot a basketball, learn a song on the piano, learn a new language, even just like. Social skills of hanging out with friends, those are missed opportunities. You don't get that back because you and I both know that once you become an adult, you have to get a job, pay your own way, and you don't have that time to explore those skills, those opportunities in the way that you do. At that age.

So some kids get that and some kids don't. But I think that's a really important conversation to have is if you've got a teenager that's just spending tons of time on video games or social media, you find a way to scale back, whether it's getting rid of it for a while, or maybe they're on all the social media platforms and you're like, Hey, we're going to pick one and we're gonna monitor that one closely.

And you get, and we're going to, let's decide. How long do you think is a good amount of time? Like how much time do you actually have a day in a day to spend on YouTube or whatever? So let's limit that. So we have two online courses. One is called Creating a Tech Healthy Family, and the other one is untangling teens in tech.

And in that teen course, we help the parent work with the teen individually to create a plan together. Mm-hmm. So things think it's like you have this family tech plan, but when they get older you have to start to again give them. A little bit more, not just freedom, but they need an individualized plan in a way.

And so I think, yeah, that's the best thing is sit down, make a plan with with your team, 

[00:28:05] Brie Tucker: and know that it's gonna be a little painful at first. 

[00:28:07] Andrea Davis: Yes, it will be. 

[00:28:10] JoAnn Crohn: It's gonna be a little painful, 

[00:28:12] Brie Tucker: just like when I have to give up sugar. 

[00:28:15] Andrea Davis: Totally. Sorry. Don't give up the sugar. 

[00:28:17] Brie Tucker: Don't give up the, I have to give up the sugar.

[00:28:20] JoAnn Crohn: No, it's an addiction. Uh, what do you have coming up, Andrea, that you're excited about? 

[00:28:27] Andrea Davis: Yeah, so I've been doing some more speaking, and so that has been just a f a fun thing. I just got back from DC a couple weeks ago in Baltimore and did some speaking events. And that that's been fun to get out and to connect with people in real time because again, it's ironic, but I spent a lot of time behind a screen doing my work, sharing on social media and writing emails, and it is so ironic.

So I don't travel a ton because I wanna be here for my kids, but. I selectively do say yes to some things and that that's fun. So I, I am excited and looking forward to doing some more speaking in the coming year. 

[00:29:13] JoAnn Crohn: That's really exciting, but being around people again is just so exciting. Yes. I know. I still don't, I'm still not over it after the whole, after the whole covid.

Well, thank you so much for joining us, Andrea. This has been great. And, um, parents I know are walking away with great suggestions on how to start these discussions and tech plans with their teens. So thank you again. 

[00:29:37] Andrea Davis: Yeah, thank you Joanne and Bree. It was my pleasure. 

[00:29:42] JoAnn Crohn: So there was one time during the interview, Barry, where I was about to break out into song, cuz you said a rap lyric or a song lyric and I can't remember it now, but it was like, bring it back.

Bring it back. You said, now let's bring it back. I'm like, bring it back. Oh, 

[00:29:53] Brie Tucker: bring it back. I think I said, yeah, I Do you remember something that made me start thinking about Grease? I forget what I said too, but there was some wine. Totally froze. I just jumped in my head. Oh, it jumped in your head. Yeah, yeah, 

[00:30:06] JoAnn Crohn: yeah. But it was, it's such an interesting interview because a lot of times the screen time, those discussions, that is really where the magic lies with kids because there's no monitoring. You can't follow your child around every second of the day. Policing their screen time, use it, wouldn't make you happy, wouldn't make the kid happy.

So really, the education is where it's at when it comes to screen time. 

[00:30:33] Brie Tucker: Yeah. I think a lot of times, like you just said, we feel so much pressure as parents that we need to, I mean, because they, they, anywhere you go, all the research does say like, un unfiltered, un unwatched content on the internet is not good for your kids.

It, so we all agree on that. But the co, somehow a concept came through that us as parents, the best way to handle that is for us to be on top of all of it. Mm-hmm. We need to have all these monitoring things. We need to keep an eye on our kids. We need to like lock up the cell phones. And, and, and we're not saying that that that's necessarily a bad idea, but it just, to me, feels extremely overwhelming would cause burnout for me.

And if anything goes wrong, I would 100% blame myself and I. That's just not realistic. It's not a realistic expectation and 

[00:31:25] JoAnn Crohn: like, well, there's like such an now like with what? You have to use it as a tool versus what you use for entertainment. Right. And entertainment's a good thing. There's nothing wrong with entertainment.

There's a whole industry made on entertainment. You could go and get a job creating this for people. Yeah. Yeah, that's a possibility. And I think we're so scared now of just ruining our kids that tech has been one of those things that many people have leached onto, especially moms and moms. Get the brunt of it because I was, I really wanted to ask questions about the dads my husband, he's on his device all the time, and it's one of those things where, yeah, you can talk with your kids and monitor your kids, but when you have another adult who uses their screen to unwind, it's a hard thing to navigate.

Because you have this other adult in the house who's on their screen and the kids are like, but they're on their screen. Why can't I be on my screen? 

[00:32:21] Brie Tucker: First of all, we might need to do a follow up with Andrea, but second of all, I think that that's part of the whole family tech thing, cuz I, yeah, I'm thinking of plenty of times where, I've had to be like, excuse me.

Hello? Can we put our phone down? Uh mm-hmm. What was it? Devorah Heitner had one about double screening or something like that. 

[00:32:38] JoAnn Crohn: Oh, yeah. 

[00:32:38] Brie Tucker: And I was, as soon as I heard that, I noticed how much my family does that, and I do it too. So it's like, oh, okay. 

[00:32:45] JoAnn Crohn: I've done it. I've totally done it. I mean, in the car driving last night, my daughter was like, I heard the Instagram reels going, and I'm like, what's she doing back there?

She's like, I'm watching reels. But I'm driving and then we got into this whole back and forth cuz this is what she does. But Mom, you're not having a conversation with me. You didn't start the conversation. I'm like, how can I start the conversation? Is it my job to start the conversation all the time?

Well, it's not my job to start the conversation all the time, mom. It just goes back and forth. It's like a little ping pong match with us both when we get into that. 

[00:33:16] Brie Tucker: And yet she got her off of her screen for that interaction. 

[00:33:20] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. And the only way I was able to get her. Yeah. The only way I, it was able, I was like to identify the feeling in me that, yeah, basically being on the screen creates in people.

I'm like, I feel ignored that you're paying attention to your device and you're not starting a conversation with me. And that's when she was able to put it down and be like, I'm sorry. 

[00:33:39] Brie Tucker: Yeah, because, but maybe that, that is a good point. 

[00:33:41] JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. 

When we, when we keep it all like, it's gonna wreck your brain, that doesn't get through to some kids.

But if you're, you're like, I feel ignored. They're like, oh, well then I'll put this down. 

[00:33:51] Brie Tucker: Or at least they better understand where you're coming from and why you're saying what you're saying. So, yeah, exactly. So yeah, I hope, hope everybody got a lot of great information about Andrea. We've got her contact information and the show notes below, so reach out.

She's got some great courses that she does and her book is phenomenal as well. So 

[00:34:10] JoAnn Crohn: yes, lots of great discussions. So until next time, remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you and we'll talk to you later. 

[00:34:19] Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.