In this episode of the No Guilt Mom podcast, host JoAnn Crohn welcomes Anne, a Balance VIP member, to share her inspiring journey from yelling to letting things go as a mom.
Anne discusses how her upbringing in a yelling household shaped her parenting style, leading her to believe that yelling was an effective way to get results. However, she always felt guilty and realized she wanted to change.
Anne shares how the COVID-19 pandemic and spending more time with her family prompted her to question the kind of mom she wanted to be. She embarked on a journey of self-improvement and discovered various parenting resources, including the No Guilt Mom podcast and the Balance VIP and Calm & Happy Parenting program.
With newfound tools and support, Anne decided to communicate openly with her kids about her goal to stop yelling and asked for their understanding and cooperation.
The episode explores the challenges she faced, her daughter's response to the change in approach, and how Anne's husband also noticed the positive transformation.
Anne emphasizes the importance of finding a supportive community and shares her gratitude for the Balance VIP program. Listeners are encouraged to embrace change and seek support in their parenting journey.
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JoAnn Crohn: [00:00:00] Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host JoAnn Crohn, and I am here with a no guilt Mom win. One of my favorite things to do, and we have one of our Balance VIP members here, Anne, who I recently got to see in person and , she went to donuts with me to the donut parlor where we look for maple bacon, but they had no maple bacon and
Anne Spielberger: well, they didn't have bacon yet. No bacon.
JoAnn Crohn: Not bacon, but Anne is here to talk about how she went from yelling to letting things go, which I know is a huge, huge thing that we hear from so many moms. So I'm so excited to dig into this, Anne. So thank you for joining me here.
Anne Spielberger: Yeah. Thanks for letting me tell my story.
JoAnn Crohn: I can't wait to dig in so tell me a little bit about what it was like in your house when you felt that you needed to control and you had those yelling reactions.
Anne Spielberger: So a lot of this stems from growing up in a [00:01:00] yelling household. So it's just what you're learned. You know, it's, I learned how to do this. This is how you parent, because this is how I was parented. So for me, yelling just became that natural reaction. Like, you don't get what you want, you yell about it cuz that's what gets results. I always felt bad, I always had this guilty feeling in my stomach, like my kids would look at me and cry and I'm I can't break down. I'm not that, you know, I'm not a horrible person. I'm just trying to get them to realize that I want them to be a great person and this is gonna make them be that great person because they know authority and it's how it is.
JoAnn Crohn: Anchor's a really, really hard thing , to take down a notch. Especially if you saw it growing up and you had this model of adults who didn't reign in their emotions.
Anne Spielberger: Yeah, and I think , there's a fine line between passion and just aggression, and that's where I struggled is while I thought, I felt passionately about what I was doing, I still felt aggression and it didn't feel good inside. Why does this make anybody feel good? Why would people yell?
JoAnn Crohn: it does like raise your blood pressure a little bit. I feel it too [00:02:00] when I get really, really mad, like that fuzzy head feeling and that stomach like aches and everything like that. So when did you realize that you
wanted to change this behavior?
Anne Spielberger: I guess a lot of it started in Covid. You know, when you're with everybody for that long, There was no opportunity to escape and calm down. Is this the mom who I wanna be? Is this who I want my kids to remember me as?
You're isolated and you're like stuck in a house with all these people and it's like, do they even like me? How am I, what am I doing? I looked at different, you know, parenting methods in general, just. Reading, started doing research and everything else and kind of went down a rabbit hole of self-improvement to parent improvement
JoAnn Crohn: There's a lot out
Anne Spielberger: there, there is, and it's kind of like taking what fits, and in all of this time too, why are my kids acting this way? How come they don't act this way with other people? And, trying to dig deep into. Their mentality as to what they need as a child. I don't remember acting this way as a kid.
I remember the yelling, but I don't remember [00:03:00] like the defiance, I guess, in my emotion with my parents. There's gotta be something better I can be better.
JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, it's funny cuz. I would've never defied my parents either. And I think it's part of the generation that we were raised in,
Even all of the
TV shows we saw the kids didn't
defy parents. When the kids defied parents, they got grounded and two weeks in their rooms alone by themselves. Like
Anne Spielberger: No outside world,
JoAnn Crohn: outside world at all.
I think kids they get a different message of
is good too because it's showing them to stand up for themselves. Cause I don't know about you, but I've had to
work through a lot of shame myself,
as far as like speaking my voice and speaking my mind.
And I think that really goes back to how our generation was
Anne Spielberger: Yeah, for sure. And I think too
Some of the resentment, not, I guess not fully resentment, but there's things, you know,
how I feel about my parents now as a
parent, I don't want that. I still as an adult, have that rough time like, no mom, it doesn't go this way.
It's like, okay [00:04:00] mom, whatever you need, you know? It's like, no, I don't get that feeling of you're able to talk to me that way. Even into their adulthood if I don't start it now,
JoAnn Crohn: And I'm with you. We
want the relationship
with our kids
where they feel free to come to us
to us about
things. And, even challenge us in some ways because my teenager nowadays, she's, she's calling me out when I'm wrong.
you know what? She's right a lot of the time, unfortunately for me,
so how, how did you
the change that you stopped the yelling.
Anne Spielberger: I started with. Bettering myself and just kind of
discovering who I am. And in that, you know, all these various
So I discovered you guys, I started listening more to the parenting piece that I need, and then there was the.
Mom Summit, that was in February. And there was like, oh, we have all these great tools. We have all these great things, join our cohort.
I was like, okay,
great. Joined you guys. . So I did the Peaceful Parent Challenge in, in March and then, Since I had signed up as a V I [00:05:00] P, I had access to the Calm & Happy Parenting and because the two were so
intertwined, I started discovering all of these things.
So literally in March, so only a couple months ago, I like learned all these cool tools and started and I was open with my kids and I said, Hey
guys, look, I'm not, I'm trying not to yell. You're gonna be frustrating. I get that you're my kids, but please know that I am working on myself. To be a better mom for you guys. I'm asking you to do the same
JoAnn Crohn: I love that introduction that you
gave to them, because obviously
you change around the way you're handling situations, kids are gonna call you out on it and the fact that you
went to them and you're like, here's what's going on. You really
prep them for it.
Anne Spielberger: I don't like to be blindsided as person when, you know, all of a sudden somebody's changed their mind on
something or Wow, they didn't act that way. What, what did
I do? After having telling them like, Hey, I'm working on
myself. You know, obviously don't go and try and
push my buttons. Cause you know, I wanted to preface with like,
don't mess with me. I know you're, you're gonna [00:06:00] try.
And, you know, especially
my 11 year old, he has adhd so he kinda makes
it a game. And he thinks it's kind of fun sometimes to mess with
JoAnn Crohn: Oh
fun. That should be delightful sometimes.
Anne Spielberger: it is what it is what it is and my youngest
smart kid, she's super smart, doesn't wanna do her homework. What used to
be drag out, beat up and she sit down. You need to do
If you don't do it,
I don't know, I'm gonna take away your computer, I'm gonna take away your tablet, whatever it is, you can't watch tv.
And I just told her, I was like, you know, I'm gonna fight with you.
You don't wanna do your homework. You can tell your teacher
why he didn't wanna do your homework. There's no sense in me getting mad. There's no sense in me getting upset.
It's not my grade. I'm not gonna control that
anymore. She looked at me like,
really? I don't have to do my homework. I'm like, no, but you can tell your teacher why you didn't do it.
I said, I'm not gonna email her.
not gonna text her if you don't turn it in. And she says, Bethany, I don't have your homework.
It's on you,
not on me.
I've been trying really hard and
my husband, we [00:07:00] used to be opposites because I would yell and he wouldn't
then, for some weird reason,
it's now shifted. And I told
him after I got home from the VIP retreat, you know, he was
like, so how was it? What did you guys talk about? What did you guys
do? And we talked about everything and I said just strategies on how to, work
better as a family unit, , being better parents.
So our kids are better
He's noticed that I've calmed down a little bit, he's like, you're not yelling as much.
I don't wanna feel like that person anymore. And I feel like I have great tools and great support with you guys. our V I P retreat team is amazing. We just so much going on there, it's just such a good community. Know that there's other moms out there who struggle with this, and we're not the only ones, but we can rely on each other and, Hey, how did you handle this?
Or Hey, how did you approach this? And Hey, I'm having this issue. Have you tried this? You know what, I haven't because I've been
stuck in my own head
JoAnn Crohn: That's
true. When we get stuck in our own head, we think like we're the only ones. And sometimes all you need to do is just [00:08:00] let it
out to people who support you.
Anne Spielberger: And I think that's what makes it so that the change
feels right. . I feel good about who I am as a mom and that I'm not alone in thinking that I wanna change
how I was parented, so I'm not parenting the same way for my kids so they don't end up with the same. Issues that
JoAnn Crohn: Yes, definitely. and I have to know about your
homework. How is she approaching homework since it's her responsibility now to talk with her teacher?
Anne Spielberger: she
has knocked it outta the park every week. She has a whole, she has a packet that she has to do well, she has a packet she
has to do,, she
has all week
to do the packet. She gets it on
due on Friday. And she knocks out
all the math pages
the first day, and then between Tuesday and Wednesday she's knocked out all the writing and
spelling stuff and then it's
JoAnn Crohn: That is amazing. So letting go
of your control actually was a lot better for her.
Well Anne, thank you so much for coming and sharing this. And I know a lot of parents are gonna hear this and be like, oh my gosh, I can actually let go of some control and things aren't gonna go like totally [00:09:00] haywire.
So this is amazing. And if you're listening to this right now and you want. The same kind of support that Anne has. I put a link to our Balance VIP program right there in the show notes. So thank you so much, Anne, for being here.
Anne Spielberger: thank you.